I could have totally written this about my marriage. Never any effort on my wife's part. We have sex occasionally and it has become routine and almost without any intimacy. I didnít think sex without intimacy was possible. I was wrong. I would kill for her to show any sign of wanting me. Anything! Just once an indication that there is any physical attraction to me. I almost feel like I have been "friendzoned" in my own marriage. only difference for us is my wife does seem to enjoy sex when we have it. She does have orgasms through foreplay , (she comes first) I try everything to get her attention and....nothing. If I was not making an effort there woudl e NO SEX at all. When is enough enough?
I keep saying I am going to quit trying. Focus on myself. Keep myself happy and realize that what i think is important no longer is important to her. But I keep trying, and hoping, and getting let down and frustrated.
I love my wife. If I didn't it would be an easy decision to leave. How long can I keep doing this? The sleepless nights where I lay awake mad and frustrated in bed are taking their toll on my work and my own physical health
Hey fellow duty sex sufferer! It's not a fun position to be in! Obviously, since I am the OP, I have little advice to give you. The only thing I've discovered is that you cannot place your self worth on wether your wife wants to have sex with you or not. I was doing that, believing all kinds of bad things about myself. This thread didn't really help me. Lots of people were very nice and helpful, others just told me what a ****ty husband I was, and all the things I was doing wrong. The thing I've realized is that my does love me. She really does, she's made that abundantly clear. She just legitimately has NO interest in sex. It's as if sexuality as a concept is something immature that we were doing in our 20's, and now she's a Mom and a working woman and doesn't have time for such foolishness. I am a good husband and father, and I may not be perfect, but I always put my wife and my kids first. Those are the standards I have set for myself as a man. This lack of sex drive is my wife's problem, not mine. My sex drive is fine.
I have no updates to offer, really. Sex life has not really improved at all. I'm now 14 months since she last gave me oral sex. I finally got up the nerve to bring this up a few weeks ago. She told me she would be open to doing it "sometimes", but we've had sex maybe 4-5 times since then, and nothing. I told her I would be happy to reciprocate, and she basically told me that I will never perform oral on her again. She does not like it, does not ever want it again. Okay.... We just had sex about an hour ago. She basically said "if you want to have sex tonight, do it now, because I'm tired!" Absolutely ZERO affection or intimacy. She simply pulled her pajamas down, bent over, and it was up to me to get myself hard, and lube myself up. She made no noise, no attempts to pretend to enjoy it, and then as soon as we were done she got pissed at me because I got cum on the blanket. So then she jumps up, runs to the bathroom and throws me a towel, puts her pajamas back on, and goes to bed. It was literally the WORST SEX ANYONE HAS EVER HAD!!! But it counts! I ensures to her that I won't bother her for a few days. That was the most unsatisfying experience I've ever had.
It seriously makes me think about what it would be like to have sex with another woman. Am I really as unsexy and unattractive as she makes me feel? Am I really bad in bed? I don't think I am, she just doesn't give me ANYTHING to work with. It's like she just wants me to get done as quickly as possible, every single ****ing time. We actually have a good relationship most of the time, we truly do. But it's like once we're in the sex arena, she just becomes a statue, physically and emotionally. But I think things, like wouldn't it be nice to have sex with a woman who actually wants to have sex with me? To hold a woman who is there with me, physically, mentally, and emotionally. To CONNECT with someone on an intimate level. I'm not a cheater... I couldn't do that. I cheated on my girlfriend in high school one time, got a BJ from another girl. It was the worst feeling in the world, and I swore I would never do it again. That was 18 years ago, and I have never been even slightly unfaithful to anybody since then. We talk about it, and she either gets pissed at me for pressuring her, or tells me what I want to hear, that things will change. But they never do.
I'm done thinking that this is something I can do anything about. I am a good husband. I help around the house, and with the kids. I take her on dates. I go all out for her birthday, mother's day, etc. I work hard to provide for us, financially. I also work hard to make time to spend with my family, because that is very important to me. And she is a wonderful wife, we are a great team. I just need to realize that this is one battle that I'm not going to be able to win. Either her sex drive will come back, or it won't. All I can do is try to be the best I can be, and hope that when her sex drive comes back, that she chooses to have sex with me and not somebody else. Because I won't tolerate that, not even once.