How am I not willing or capable to play my cards right? I'm basically willing to do anything I can to help her get her sex drive back.,,,,.
Have you figured out what makes your wife feel really loved and cherished? Yes, I am sure you are doing a lot for your wife, but are you making her feel loved and cherished in her love languages?
When I was in a sex starved marriage (you are not in an SSM) I worked hard to provide for my wife and family. That meant long hours at work and doing things on the weekends. Being a good provider nearly killed my marriage.
My wife's love languages (Chapmans book the 5 LL) where acts of service and quality time. While I washed dishes, did all of the laundry she would allow me to wash, vacuumed, picked up papers around the house, did the recycling, etc. my wife viewed none of that as an act of service, that was simply doing my share of the chores. Date nights didn't count as quality time.
Nothing I did counted until one weekend morning I woke up early and went downstairs to make myself some coffee. After it was made, i decided I wanted to drink it in bed, so I brought a second cup up for my wife. She thought it was nice that I brought her coffee in bed. We woke up slowly drinking coffee, I started to talk to her and all of a sudden she was getting the quality time I had not been giving her along with my providing an act of service (from her perspective).
The hard lesson I had to learn by trial and error was what my wife viewed as acts of service and quality time. I could do date nights, but to her that wasn't quality time. I could talk with her, find out what her problems at work were and make suggestions on things to try differently or ways to approach a problem, but that wasn't quality time to her.
I am sure you are "....willing to do anything I can to help her get her sex drive back...." But she is the only one who can reboot her sex drive. In my opinion the cards you need to play are to make her start to feel loved and cherished again so the flame of passion can be brought to life from what embers of love still remain.
You are looking for passion and that is something that your wife will need to discover.
I would say that your cards are to make her feel loved in her love languages. You need to figure out ways to make it possible for her to feel passionate (get the kids out of the bed at night, change your pushing her for sex, do the Glover or MW Davis Get a Life thing) and then reinforce any positive changes in her "passion level."