So here's some backstory on my situation. My husband and I have been together for 9 years married almost 5. We have 2 kids, one biologically his but he adopted my oldest. Our youngest is special needs and disabled and right around the same time we received a diagnosis for her (may 2014) we also found out my BIL had brain cancer (he has since passed away
this past june) and my MIL had breast cancer (she is ok now luckily). There have always been bickering mainly about finances and sex. I've always felt as though his interests are with others. Even in the beginning he started watching p*** instead of having sex. We've fought over it and he would say it would stop and it wouldnt. Over the past two years though things have gotten worse.
Fast forward to spring of 2016 when I found him emailing women from Craigslist. I confronted him and he instantly admitted but said that he wouldn't say or make promises only that he would stop. I believed him and he said it didn't go any further and I didn't look any further. Over the last year I had my doubts and would find the p*** but would let it go because they at least he wasn't still messaging women.
We were still arguing and this past thanksgiving we got into a bad argument where I told him I felt alone in our marriage I felt like he didn't love me anymore and was only still in our marriage because he was comfortable and afraid of what the situation would look like with not being with our kids daily. He's even said he would stay just for the kids in the past. He promised that while we fight that there is no one else was no one else and that I'm the only one and he does love me. We agreed to work on things and really try. If we couldn't see a change by the time we moved to a new town for my,job in February (yes 2 months ago) then we would be done. I agreed and started working on my attitude and being more happy. I tried being nicer and not being so stressed out. I tried to let him make more decisions on his own about things (like Xmas shopping things he said he never got to do but wanted to do. He said one of his big problems with me was/is never being happy with what I have, my bad attitude and needing things to be done my way all the time. I don't completely agree but hey if that's what he sees then I'm willing to change some things). We were doing great.......I thought. Three days before Xmas I woke up and for some reason picked up his phone to find out he had been on a local hook up website. He shut it down that day but wouldn't come clean about everything. Since that day, since December 22nd I have been told and found out that he had at least one affair email account, had several accounts for numerous and I mean numerous hook up sites or cheat on your spouse sites, constantly emailing Craigslist personal ads, and was consistently talking to one woman that I know of. I also know that he was sending d*** p*** to her and countless,other people and video chatted with her while messaging me that he loves me. She knew about me but didn't know we were "working on things". They planned to meet up and have sex and he's admitted to wanting her more than me at the time but she called it off. This hurt me the most of it all....the other woman.
I've also learned from him (at least he says) that he was looking for someone else because he wanted to be happy. He's told me I've let myself go, that I look like a boy because I like to wear jeans and t-shirts, told me I'm nasty, and told me that he wants what he wants and that he wants to wants me and wants to love me and then changes it and says he's not good with words and that's not what he meant (he has never been good with words so I give him that). I've also learned that I guess the sex we were having was boring to him but I'm literally open to anything go on the bedroom and he's always turned me down so I'm confused there.
Here we are now in April. I truly believe that he has stayed off of those sites and isn't talking to anyone anymore. We have moved but now we are experiencing other problems. He claims his sex drive isn't what it was before and that he just doesn't want to have sex that much because he's lazy. Well his browser history from two/three months ago says different. Then there's the fact that he will get aroused and then tell me no or that he wants to go do something else (play his game, watch tv). Last night was the ultimate let down for me as his wife and I think the final slap in my face that it really is me!!!!! We get in the mood, he's aroused and ready to go, I'm naked and on top of him and he goes soft and asks for p***. Now don't get me wrong. If we are watching it together to get started that's fine I'm ok with that. I like watching it too. And I've watched a lot of it myself and have never desensitized myself to sex before anyone says that and I know I've watched more than he has. (I've always been on the high sex drive end of things and always been into watching it just don't like it when it used instead of me) my issue with last night is he should have stayed aroused if he's attracted to me and wanting me right?
He claims I'm making this into a problem when it isn't and I need to grow up and act like a woman with children and real problems i,stead of the fact that it wasn't ready when I wanted on my terms. Be said that he gives me a little and I try to take take take. He also said that he can't help around the house, help with the kids, work and do extra things with the kids and still have sex like I want. I don't think I should have to choose and I don't think it should be that hard. I mean. I am his wife. He should want to and if not then hit road. I'm not here just to be a mom and cook dinner.
Am I over reacting? Is my marriage over? Does my husband really,not want me? Was his attempts to cheat really a sign that this needs to end and that he needs/wants something that isn't me and I can't give him? I need some help here.