Okay, sorry, let me rephrase. Women's sexuality is no more complex than men's sexuality.
This has nothing to do with equality. It has to do with reality. I've noticed that men on TAM really like to describe themselves as "simple", and women as "complex", but IME there's no truth to it. Men's sexuality is also influenced by hormones, psychology, biology, spirituality, you name it. And women are nowhere near as convoluted as you like to portray us. Well, maybe your wife is. But I'm not. And I'm not alone.
I also get tired of the "men are simple, women are so complex even THEY don't know what they want" mantra around here.
SOME women definitely DO know what they want and can express it, execute it, and relish in getting it when they do.
Yet those of us women who are in that category can post here all day long about what we want, and still there will be some dudes saying "no, you don't really know what you want, you say this but you don't even know yourself".
And then there are the men who are not sexually self aware, who don't actually know what they want (what causes an easy orgasm is not necessarily "what they want"), and who wouldn't be able to communicate what they wanted even if they tried.
Men like this are ignored and completely drowned out by other men who claim over and over that "men are simple, women are complex and don't know what they want".
Women who have been with men like this are told "he is probably gay".
Men who have been with women who don't fulfill them sexually are told "she's just a cold witch and has no idea what she really wants".
Meanwhile back in reality, the wife of the above man may have been telling her husband for years EXACTLY what she wants, but because HE doesn't understand what HE really wants, he can't even hear her. Then he projects the failure of the sexual relationship on her because he couldn't possibly be "the problem" since "men are simple".
It is always so easy to blame the other person.
I followed the story of a sex starved couple for several years. He told his version first. It was the usual: Sex was ok and semi frequent in the beginning. Now we have a kid, her sex drive tanked, I try to do everything to help her load with the kid and the house, but she still complains of being tired all the time and makes excuses. She is the problem, not me. I am trying, she is not. Wah wah wah....victim speak yada yada yada.
The wife of that couple eventually joined that forum and told us her side of the story. The main problem for her was that her husband smoked, and she was extremely sensitive to the smell of smoke and couldn't tolerate smelling it on him. She requested that if he approached her for sex, he showered first if he had smoked. He refused to do it.
She was in love with her husband. She wanted very much a good sexual relationship with him. But since he wouldn't ever listen to her and refused to shower before he tried to kiss her or initiate, she gathered that actually having a sexual connection wasn't that important to him, he just wanted to sound like a victim but do nothing to address her legitimate request.
After a few years of reading both sides of their story on that forum, it was clear that he just wanted to whine about the lack of sex but wanted no part of actually addressing her issues about having sex with him.
Eventually it became clear that HE was his own c*ck blocker, not her. HE was the one who had been given precise instructions on how to seduce her, because she DID know what she wanted and was able to communicate it to him. Yet he simply didn't want to be bothered with taking any actions that would address her concerns. It would have been so simple, and he went to great lengths to defend why he didn't, wouldn't or couldn't simply take a shower before he initiated kissing or sex.
And further on down the story...it eventually became obvious that he was deliberately refusing to take a shower and was thereby ensuring that he would remain sexless.
Why would he do this yet try to claim victim status over and over to the others on the forum?
The eventual answer was that he was insecure. He didn't feel comfortable in his body or in his sexual skills. He used the smoking issue as a reason to avoid intimacy with his wife, while at the same time claiming victim status that SHE was the one rejecting him. The reality was that he was rejecting her. He knew what he would have to do, he knew she wanted to be sexual with him, but he had a way to avoid sex with her altogether, which he used because he didn't want to admit or reveal that HE is actually the one who wanted to avoid sex. He was not even consciously aware he was doing this. He could not admit that he was actually too afraid to have sex with her. He had to appear "manly" to himself and others and appear to be the one who wanted sex but was being rejected. This was simply a ruse and a way to continue avoiding intimacy, which is what he really feared most of all.
Men are simple and know what they want, but women are complex and don't know what they want?
Screw that. People are complex and some of them know what they want while others don't.