Thoughts on this - Page 106 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #1576 of 1926 (permalink) Old 05-01-2017, 06:20 AM
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Re: Thoughts on this

I think it may be more of a quesiton of Hd and LD rather than male / female, although gender correlates but does not determine those roles.

HD sexuality tends to be less complex. HD wants sex. The HD knows they want sex. The HD tends to care alot about getting some sex and not as much about why they want sex.
LD sexuality tends to be more complex. LD may or may not want sex, depending on a shorter or longer list of factors that may or may not vary by the hour, day, week, month and year. The LD may or may not know whether they want sex or why they don't want sex when they don't. They may or may not care to learn why they don't want sex.

When you can see it coming, duck!

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post #1577 of 1926 (permalink) Old 05-01-2017, 08:44 AM
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Re: Thoughts on this

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Originally Posted by kag123 View Post
I'm one of those women who has no idea what I want (in bed - that's the only place strangely enough!). It's frustrating.

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I would definitely recommend a nice heating pad, has done wonders for my lower back while laying in bed
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post #1578 of 1926 (permalink) Old 05-01-2017, 08:47 AM
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Re: Thoughts on this

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Originally Posted by Holdingontoit View Post
I think it may be more of a quesiton of Hd and LD rather than male / female, although gender correlates but does not determine those roles.

HD sexuality tends to be less complex. HD wants sex. The HD knows they want sex. The HD tends not to care alot about getting some sex and not as much about why they want sex.
LD sexuality tends to be more complex. LD may or may not want sex, depending on a shorter or longer list of factors that may or may not vary by the hour, day, week, month and year. The LD may or may not know whether they want sex or why they don't want sex when they don't. They may or may not care to learn why they don't want sex.
Maybe the question though, on a general basis, does the biological difference between men and women put women at a higher risk of being LD (or maybe better put, LD compared to their male counterpart)? IIRC, a while ago @Buddy400 had started a similar thread about the idea (can't recall specifics off the top of my head, but had to do with being in long term relationships, etc...)
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post #1579 of 1926 (permalink) Old 05-01-2017, 08:56 AM
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Re: Thoughts on this

Don't shoot the messenger!

Do men really have stronger sex drives than women?

Well, yes, they do. Study after study shows that men's sex drives are not only stronger than women's, but much more straightforward. The sources of women's libidos, by contrast, are much harder to pin down.


Sex Drive: How Do Men and Women Compare?

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post #1580 of 1926 (permalink) Old 05-01-2017, 09:01 AM
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Re: Thoughts on this

3. Women's sexual turn-ons are more complicated than men's.

What turns women on? Not even women always seem to know. Northwestern University researcher Meredith Chivers and colleagues showed erotic films to gay and straight men and women. They asked them about their level of sexual arousal, and also measured their actual level of arousal through devices attached to their genitals.

For men, the results were predictable: Straight men said they were more turned on by depictions of male-female sex and female-female sex, and the measuring devices backed up their claims. Gay men said they were turned on by male-male sex, and again the devices backed them up. For women, the results were more surprising. Straight women, for example, said they were more turned on by male-female sex. But genitally they showed about the same reaction to male-female, male-male, and female-female sex.

"Men are very rigid and specific about who they become aroused by, who they want to have sex with, who they fall in love with," says J. Michael Bailey. He is a Northwestern University sex researcher and co-author with Chivers on the study.


Where can I sign up for this 'study' to electrocute my genitals?
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post #1581 of 1926 (permalink) Old 05-01-2017, 09:06 AM
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Re: Thoughts on this

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Originally Posted by Holdingontoit View Post
I think it may be more of a quesiton of Hd and LD rather than male / female, although gender correlates but does not determine those roles.

HD sexuality tends to be less complex. HD wants sex. The HD knows they want sex. The HD tends not to care alot about getting some sex and not as much about why they want sex.
LD sexuality tends to be more complex. LD may or may not want sex, depending on a shorter or longer list of factors that may or may not vary by the hour, day, week, month and year. The LD may or may not know whether they want sex or why they don't want sex when they don't. They may or may not care to learn why they don't want sex.
If it were that simple, we wouldn't have all these threads with people upset that their spouse is using porn, romance novels or vibrators instead of wanting actual sex.
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post #1582 of 1926 (permalink) Old 05-01-2017, 09:17 AM
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Re: Thoughts on this

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Originally Posted by inmyprime View Post
3. Women's sexual turn-ons are more complicated than men's.

What turns women on? Not even women always seem to know. Northwestern University researcher Meredith Chivers and colleagues showed erotic films to gay and straight men and women. They asked them about their level of sexual arousal, and also measured their actual level of arousal through devices attached to their genitals.

For men, the results were predictable: Straight men said they were more turned on by depictions of male-female sex and female-female sex, and the measuring devices backed up their claims. Gay men said they were turned on by male-male sex, and again the devices backed them up. For women, the results were more surprising. Straight women, for example, said they were more turned on by male-female sex. But genitally they showed about the same reaction to male-female, male-male, and female-female sex.

"Men are very rigid and specific about who they become aroused by, who they want to have sex with, who they fall in love with," says J. Michael Bailey. He is a Northwestern University sex researcher and co-author with Chivers on the study.


Where can I sign up for this 'study' to electrocute my genitals?
Don't forget that there is what you feel. And then there is what you will admit you feel.

There's a recent book that talks a lot about this, and the fact that because men are rewarded for it, they tend to over-report their sexual desire and activities, but since women are shamed for it, they tend to under-report.

It's also kind of interesting, don't you think, that a finding that men are more "rigid" sexually used to conclude that women don't know what turns them on? Instead of, say, noticing that women are more easily turned on?

ETA - Here's a link to that book I mentioned. http://danielbergner.com/what-do-women-want/

Last edited by wild jade; 05-01-2017 at 09:23 AM.
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post #1583 of 1926 (permalink) Old 05-01-2017, 11:43 AM
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Re: Thoughts on this

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If it were that simple, we wouldn't have all these threads with people upset that their spouse is using porn, romance novels or vibrators instead of wanting actual sex.
If they are wanting those things instead of sex, then the one complaining is the HD and the one using the other things is the LD, and the ones using have the complex sexuality and my point stands.

If they are wanting those things because their partner is unavailable for sex, but the LD is complaining that the HD is using those things "because it is wrong", that is different. There is a difference between not wanting sex and not wanting to wait for / be controlled by your partner's desire for sex. I don't think using porn or vibrators when your partner is generally unavailable for sex is a sign of complex sexuality. I think it is a sign of being a typical horny HD.

But I agree with you that there are some cases where the HD has a willing LD partner, but the HD refuses to have sex and turns to porn or vibrators (or both) instead. Yes, there is such a thing as complex HD sexuality. But that does not mean my point isn't generally valid.

When you can see it coming, duck!
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post #1584 of 1926 (permalink) Old 05-01-2017, 11:51 AM
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Re: Thoughts on this

.

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post #1585 of 1926 (permalink) Old 05-01-2017, 04:46 PM
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Re: Thoughts on this

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If they are wanting those things instead of sex, then the one complaining is the HD and the one using the other things is the LD, and the ones using have the complex sexuality and my point stands.
Why would you conclude this? What is about stealing off and masturbating instead of actually having sex says LD to you?



And why would assume that the person complaining about it is HD?
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post #1586 of 1926 (permalink) Old 05-01-2017, 05:02 PM
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Re: Thoughts on this

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Originally Posted by wild jade View Post
Don't forget that there is what you feel. And then there is what you will admit you feel.

There's a recent book that talks a lot about this, and the fact that because men are rewarded for it, they tend to over-report their sexual desire and activities, but since women are shamed for it, they tend to under-report.

It's also kind of interesting, don't you think, that a finding that men are more "rigid" sexually used to conclude that women don't know what turns them on? Instead of, say, noticing that women are more easily turned on?

ETA - Here's a link to that book I mentioned. What Do Women Want? ? Daniel Bergner

So you're hand-waving away a scientific study with the supposition that the women DID know what turned them on and just lied to the researchers about it because of social pressure?

In the NYT review of "What Women Want" they say "No one here is claiming that womenís experience of desire, arousal and orgasm is exactly like menís."

Is it just that you assume that anytime someone says that women and men's sexuality are different; that's a coded way of saying that women don't like sex.
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post #1587 of 1926 (permalink) Old 05-01-2017, 05:15 PM
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Re: Thoughts on this

I think anyone who insists that men and women aren't different, generally speaking, with respect to sex and sexuality, or that men aren't generally less complicated, is being a typical woman and trying to make things FAR more complicated than they actually are

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

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post #1588 of 1926 (permalink) Old 05-01-2017, 06:25 PM
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Re: Thoughts on this

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So you're hand-waving away a scientific study with the supposition that the women DID know what turned them on and just lied to the researchers about it because of social pressure?

In the NYT review of "What Women Want" they say "No one here is claiming that women’s experience of desire, arousal and orgasm is exactly like men’s."

Is it just that you assume that anytime someone says that women and men's sexuality are different; that's a coded way of saying that women don't like sex.
LOL, Buddy. Who said that women's sexuality was exactly like men's? Not me. Not anyone.

In fact the scientific study you are referring to, one difference is clear. Men are much more rigid and women are much more fluid.

So tell me, are you going to handwave at a thorough analysis of a whole pile of scientific studies because they challenge some of the myths you hold most dear?
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post #1589 of 1926 (permalink) Old 05-01-2017, 06:37 PM
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Re: Thoughts on this

@Hope1964 Ya, for a long time science proved that men were much smarter than women. And there was tons of evidence to prove this scientific fact that everyone knew. Including the fact that there were more men in schools and they got much higher grades, more successful positions, differences in the brain. You name it!

Of course those who challenged this view were just being typical women, emotionally driven, illogical creatures that can't grasp science.

@alexm, so sorry for the thread-jacking. I'll shut up now. Promise!

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post #1590 of 1926 (permalink) Old 05-01-2017, 07:14 PM
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Re: Thoughts on this

@alexm: So, how was the weekend? Are you still feeling that the trend is positive?
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