Yes, I've tried that. Let her know that its getting late. Her response is always that there is plenty of time - followed by the inevitable "I'm sorry, I'm really feeling tired now".
Yes, I could say "I told you it was getting late", or "that is what you've said the last half dozen times", but why. She clearly doesn't want sex at the point, so I'm not going to pressure her into it.
I'm convinced that if I did tell her at the outset that she keeps doing this, she would just find some more important task she *had* to do.
I think she starts out thinking that she will want sex later - after all there is no reason not to, but discoveres that she doesn't when the time comes.
She has never commented on my being passive. I expect she likes it. Certainly she gets unhappy when I disagree with her about doing pretty much anything. The thing is, I'm easy to please, so I don't see any point starting an argument over where to eat, or any of the many other trivial decisions we make - I don't want to pretend something matters to me when it doesn't.
On the occasional things that matter, I won't budge. Sometimes it creates big problems, sometimes not.
Her complaints about my behavior over the years pretty much are:
I work too much - used to be true, but my job changed over time so that I no longer work crazy shifts, and haven't for many years.
I interrupt her - She interrupts me a roughly equal amount, but I've been sure to stop doing it - though it makes conversations more awkward,
I don't listen - That I can't fix - I'll be working on something and she will start talking, but not have succeeded at grabbing my attention
Its not her *fault*. She can't change what she is. I can't change what I am further than I have already done. I can live like this or leave. I've decided to stay, but complain on TAM. So TAM readers get the brunt of my frustration.
Is it possible to tell her explicitly that you want to **** her first and then play the board games/go on holiday/wear sexy lingerie etc? 'First we need to save our marriage, honey. Now take your clothes off.'
Is it wrong to show when one is desperate?
This applies to Alex too: why is it ok to show sexual desperation at the beginning of a relationship but not in the middle of it? (Referencing to when you said that things used to be simpler in the beginning. They were also simpler for you btw).
I have a feeling she might waiting for a clear sign that you actually want to have sex with her (back to uhtred). Bouncing the idea around in the room a bit waiting till someone shows a clear indication - ('it's getting late' maybe an ok move in Britain where I live, where everyone is polite and drinks tea all day long, but not in the general world, I would have thought
It seems a bit unclear to me (sorry if I got it wrong) why you play board games with her which don't involve sex. Too considerate maybe?
After a week of no sex, I literally tell my wife that my balls are blue colour and if she doesn't open her legs, there will be an explosion.
(Ok that has to be done semi-jokingly).
But I think some women enjoy knowing when their husband is desperate. I don't think it's necessarily a weakness to show sexual frustration. Nor does it have to be a 'control' thing on woman's part.
It could be a straightforward 'game'.
Alex feels frustrated to always be in the passenger's seat but did you know that all the control can come from the 'passive' backseat driver? :-) you have the power to accept or reject her schedule thingy.
My guess is this behaviour becomes 'conditioned' when too many rejections have taken place. My advice: unless there's a valid reason to be rejected (illness etc), don't accept it. Make a fuss/confront. You carry it around with you and end up in a vicious circle.
I know I make it sound unreasonably easy. There are clearly cases where it's not straightforward (i.e. Rape histories etc, asexuality etc).
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