You do mean his wife right? Unfortunately she is not present in this conversation...It is one of the challenges here on TAM I find to decipher the 'real' meaning when everything is presented through a subjective lens of the person presenting a problem concerning two people.
You then offer your own interpretation and so the story goes. Just like Chinese whispers.
I don't mean to say that one should be distrusting of what is being told, just that you have to first strip everything off from emotions and tone and try to get to the facts and see if they seem different to you than the OP.
That's really what these forums are supposed to do I thought? Provide a 'fresh' perspective?
's wife. And no, she isn't here, but according to alexm, she told him quite specifically that she is asexual, has no drive at all, and never has.
Alexm, of course, says he does not believe this. I asked him why not, as from my reckoning, it actually explains her behavior quite well. He chose not to answer, but instead went back to insisting that she used to have a drive, she used to be "free" with other guys, and speculating that she shut down with him because those past guys hurt her.
And then, all sorts of labels -- "responsive", "submissive", "complex", -- have been applied to her to explain her behavior because "most women". But none of them work very well. As @EllisRedding
pointed out, she isn't actually responsive. And as alexm himself has said in some posts, she isn't particularly submissive. Certainly him using that analogy of being like a dog spelled out that she's probably the one with the most power in that relationship. And to my mind, there's nothing more simple than just taking her at her word that she is asexual and has no real drive for sex.
There's noting wrong with offering fresh perspectives or sharing our experiences. It's actually fascinating to read and quite instructive about all sorts of things. What it doesn't do is give us a better explanation of alexm's wife than what she has already told him straight up. At least, IMHO. And I wonder why no one wants to actually consider that she just is who she says she is.