No I'm with @alexm
here. That's my w too. Only at night in bed etc. No sexuality otherwise. Sleep over everything else.
The thing is... I reached a stopping point with a medical condition and decided if mullet-head trailer park morons could have unbridled sex, why the hell didn't I deserve it too (ok but I prefer to limit it to human females). And after picking up His Needs Her Needs I realized my Needs actually were valid and frankly common. That's a big part of it. I also realized from TAM that female sexuality is more complex (ha ha poke) - but seriously - it isn't always driven by desire. So I adjusted my thinking and I also reasserted myself and provided HNHN to facilitate dialog. Of course, my W would never read that or do the work by she was interested in understanding
So I think the difference is that I was willing to disrupt the relationship to get my needs met half way. Most guys stuck here won't do that - they say it's not a deal breaker. But for me, I decided and communicated that my sexuality was real and not going away and I honestly didn't know what would happen next.
These situations perpetuate themselves because one side is often happy with the status quo. Therefore why change? It's all good, right? Wrong.
People don't change unless they have to. HAVE to and even then it's an uphill battle.
The ONLY hope is to burn the boats so there's no going back. This is human nature. I've done business process "optimization" - change - and I've had to make "the old way" completely inaccessible and unworkable before most people will venture into the scary, unfamiliar, unknown.
Anyway, my W now knows to expect sexual interaction and intimacy of some sort every night no matter what (ok I set up an extreme straw man with a stated daily need) and guess what? It's all good. She ONLY engages because she expects it. And we're both often responsive at that point.
So now the complacent status quo is something daily by habit and we're happy.
I see no other path to change
[edit: but you must have a partnership where, ultimately, both want to make the other happy and are both accommodating to some degree.]
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