I get the sense that part of the reason you two struggle is your delivery style - gets in the way of your message. I think she would respond better to a clear, very concise and low affect message:
I'm losing my desire to have sex with you, largely because you insist of having 100% control over frequency and schedule.
And shortly after that message - you let her know you have scheduled something that conflicts with your routine. She's plenty smart and will connect A to B.
Probably best for you to accept that - she may casually slide into: **** you mode
And maybe that's ok with you.
That said - if she sees this as a potential end game situation and she is ok with that - that tells you something.
If she actually WANTS to stay together as opposed to remaining more due to inertia - she will make an effort to find a compromise.
As many of you know, my wife is quite LD. Over the past couple of years, we seem to have settled in on once a week intimacy, and it pretty much happens only on one day of the week, over the weekend. Pretty much around the same time, as well.
Throughout the rest of week - nothing. Nothing sexual, no flirtiness, no build-up, etc. It is what it is.
Generally speaking, I am fine with this - the sex is actually good, and it's not one-sided.
However, I am getting tired of this 'schedule'. Knowing it's going to happen (without any build-up whatsoever, even right before). I know it's going to happen, and when. I do still try to initiate throughout the rest of the week on occasion, but more often than not (way more often), it's rejected.
So basically 95% of my sex life is on one day of the week, around the same time, and absolutely zero sex or even sexuality the rest of the time.
Yes, I've talked to her about this. She knows I don't like this scheduled/expected sex life. It removes any sort of anticipation or excitement from it. And even though the sex is good, it winds up being almost purely physical for me, because all the other things around sex are simply removed. In essence, it's basically just going through the motions.
I'm at the point now where I simply don't want this anymore, but I'm at a crossroads about what to do. My only recourse that I can see at this point in time is to reject and/or avoid these scheduled sessions, but in all likelihood it'd backfire. I'm just not enthusiastic about it anymore, even though it's my only real sexual outlet.
There have been 4 or 5 times in the past 2 weeks in which we were home alone for extended periods of time. An entire weekend, even. This is rare for that to happen this often. No sex during this time, and even the 'free' weekend, it still ended up happening on the same day at the same time. I hinted, initiated, even bluntly said "hey, let's go upstairs" - nothing.
I'm not trying to figure out my wife - I already know what she is. This has been discussed ad nauseum here, and also with her. But the reality is that I'm starting to feel used, if that's even possible. It's always on her schedule - a literal schedule, at that. The only reason I've kept going on her schedule is that it's sex, and I want to have sex. But I'm simply tired of the way it goes down, and the fact that it's figuratively marked on a calendar.
So this weekend, I've planned to avoid. It's baseball season (yay!), so I have an excuse to not come to bed. I'm torn to whether or not she'll care, or if she does, if she says anything. I've rejected her in the past a minute amount of times, and she generally hasn't taken it well, but I've had legitimate excuses (total exhaustion, mainly). But I've never said no to, or avoided sex with her when I'm feeling fine.
It's juvenile, but it's also pretty last ditch. It's likely it won't help things, but I'm at the point now where I'm genuinely tired of simply doing it on her schedule. I also feel (well, know, really) that she obviously requires this schedule to become aroused and/or psyched up to have sex.