Thoughts on this - Page 39 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #571 of 1530 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 04:28 PM
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Re: Thoughts on this

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IMP - I once got swallowed whole by this type of thinking, to the point where I had a full out breakdown. It is what led me to ultimately seek help, and I am now medicated for it and much better off than I used to be. I'm not saying you need medication or even that you have any type of diagnosable disorder like I do. Just that you need to keep recognizing these thoughts and find a way to snap your brain out of it, because they can be poison if you let them run on too long. The human brain is able to live in the present if you train it to do so.



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Usually they don't run long. They lurk in the back of my mind. Have you tried meditation? Apparently that's one way to calm your mind but also come closest to be able to experience the present.
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post #572 of 1530 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 06:18 PM
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Re: Thoughts on this

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That's a bit of a caricature. I would never dismiss anything as bs. If I "push" an argument, it's because I want to understand it better.
In any case, my exclamation about wives wanting to jump husbands' bones was perhaps more rhetorical and out of frustration, in case it wasn't clear.
And yet, you have since made several comments that

- women who are forward sexually are a turn off
-that such women are only doing so because they are trying to impress men
-that women have no idea what it means to be HD, and are obviously talking about something different
- that women who pretend to these things on the internet aren't real IRL.

and on and on. All of which is a round about way of saying that women's response to your preconceived notions is bs,

It may be worth your while to examine your preconceptions on this and how they might contribute to your experience of women.
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post #573 of 1530 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 06:20 PM
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Re: Thoughts on this

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I'm not insulted by this, but what makes you think this isn't how I operate currently with my wife?
It was just good stuff to keep reflecting on and what @MEM2020 wrote felt good and touched me... it was your thread and I wanted to point it out from all the other stuff that was paging past.

That's all...

नमस्ते 🙏
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post #574 of 1530 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 06:25 PM
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Re: Thoughts on this

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And yet, you have since made several comments that

- women who are forward sexually are a turn off

To me, they have been, yes.

-that such women are only doing so because they are trying to impress men

Many of the ones I met, yes.

-that women have no idea what it means to be HD, and are obviously talking about something different

No, I said that HD may manifest itself differently in women, than in men. And that it might therefore lead to misunderstandings.


- that women who pretend to these things on the internet aren't real IRL.

What?? I said no such thing.

and on and on. All of which is a round about way of saying that women's response to your preconceived notions is bs,

No, it isn't. I feel like we are talking in a different language but that's ok.

It may be worth your while to examine your preconceptions on this and how they might contribute to your experience of women.
Ok
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post #575 of 1530 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 06:29 PM
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Re: Thoughts on this

jade - that women who pretend to these things on the internet aren't real IRL.

inmyprime - What?? I said no such thing.



Um...I'm pretty sure you did actually doubt that I am telling the truth or that I am not "real" in the way I present myself?

Remember the goal of feminism: Making sure only alphas get laid!
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post #576 of 1530 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 06:31 PM
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Re: Thoughts on this

@alexm

OK, so thought maybe this might be helpful since I feel like some of the issues you have described have gotten twisted around a little. Maybe you can confirm/clarify:

- You are fine with having sex 1x a week (wouldn't complain if it happened more lol). Your issue is that it is on your Ws terms only, which appears to be it has to happen per the schedule? If you attempt to start anything outside of the schedule, she rejects you?

- The scheduled 1x a week, would you say this is her "compromise", or was this pretty much how it had been for a while, and the only difference now is that you get a guaranteed weekend day set aside?

- You are not looking for her to take control of the situation or some dramatic shift in power? You are happy to pick up most of the slack, and at the end of the day you just want her to take some sort of shared responsibility in maintaining a healthy sex life in your marriage?

- Are you whining / pleading for sex? I have no idea where this has come from, but seems like a guy exhibiting frustration or concern over his sex life has been viewed as whining ....

- Do you consider yourself less "manly" b/c you feel she should have some sort of shared responsibility with this (i.e. if that means she needs to initiate periodically, all of a sudden now she is wearing the pants in the relationship)?

- You have openly discussed these issues with her, done the best you can to look at things from her POV? Do you feel she has done the same for you (i.e. try to understand your POV)?

- Do you feel that having an active sex life (obviously by how you define active) is important to you to help maintain the emotional bond you have with your W?

- Overall, you are happy with your marriage, but don't like the fact that an important component (physical) is low on the list (i.e. it is viewed more as a chore)? You are not looking to leave her over this, just an area where you would like to see improvement and one you think would lead to a more fulfilling marriage?

That is all I got
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post #577 of 1530 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 06:35 PM
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Re: Thoughts on this

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Ok
We may very well be speaking different languages .. and that will make conversation difficult.

But go back and read your posts, and you are essentially saying that women mean something entirely different by HD, and have no idea what it means to want sex. Your rhetorical question shows you already think you have the answers/

To which I say, bs.

My experience with TAM is that it is chock full of easy answers to women's sexuality that will help no one and solve no problems. And if you wish to stick with those easy answers.... well, it's your life.

But these easy answers aren't actually going to help you. They will just give you a bunch of rationalizations where you get to feel how great you are as opposed to how awful women are.
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post #578 of 1530 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 06:39 PM
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Re: Thoughts on this

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We may very well be speaking different languages .. and that will make conversation difficult.

But go back and read your posts, and you are essentially saying that women mean something entirely different by HD, and have no idea what it means to want sex. Your rhetorical question shows you already think you have the answers/

To which I say, bs.

My experience with TAM is that it is chock full of easy answers to women's sexuality that will help no one and solve no problems. And if you wish to stick with those easy answers.... well, it's your life.

But these easy answers aren't actually going to help you. They will just give you a bunch of rationalizations where you get to feel how great you are as opposed to how awful women are.
Please don't tell me what I "essentially said". If you and @Faithful Wife want to accuse me of something again, please quote a paragraph that gave you this impression so that I can explain better what I meant, rather that you explaining to me what I meant.

I can't stand it when people do this and it is not a good etiquette how to have a civilized conversation on forums.

Last edited by inmyprime; 04-13-2017 at 06:46 PM.
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post #579 of 1530 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 06:41 PM
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Re: Thoughts on this

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Originally Posted by wild jade View Post
We may very well be speaking different languages .. and that will make conversation difficult.

But go back and read your posts, and you are essentially saying that women mean something entirely different by HD, and have no idea what it means to want sex. Your rhetorical question shows you already think you have the answers/

To which I say, bs.

My experience with TAM is that it is chock full of easy answers to women's sexuality that will help no one and solve no problems. And if you wish to stick with those easy answers.... well, it's your life.

But these easy answers aren't actually going to help you. They will just give you a bunch of rationalizations where you get to feel how great you are as opposed to how awful women are.
Sorry, which answers are supposed to be easy and make me feel "great"? What are you going on about?
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post #580 of 1530 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 06:52 PM
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Re: Thoughts on this

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Actually the reason I mentioned your posts sometimes sound a little made-upp-ish, is that there are so many generalities about how sex is "supposed to feel like" and about how you view yourself from a certain, sexual angle but it's very thin on specifics (actual technique and specific experiences).

Remember the goal of feminism: Making sure only alphas get laid!
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post #581 of 1530 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 06:53 PM
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Re: Thoughts on this

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Hmmm...there's something about some of your posts that sounds...made up? Or maybe they are designed to get a reaction from people who don't know better.

Remember the goal of feminism: Making sure only alphas get laid!
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post #582 of 1530 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 06:55 PM
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Re: Thoughts on this

Please, tell me what you meant then.

I have been reading at TAM for some time now, and these sorts of stereotypes about women are rife and cannot, apparently, ever be corrected because anyone who attempts to do is "making stuff up", as rare as unicorns, and can't even understand what sex is about. We just try to "trap" men by "pretending" that we like sex.
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Originally Posted by inmyprime View Post
Please don't tell me what I "essentially said". If you and @Faithful Wife want to accuse me of something again, please quote a paragraph that gave you this impression so that I can explain better what I meant, rather that you explaining to me what I meant.

I can't stand it when people do this and it is not a good etiquette on how to have a civilized conversation on forums.
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It's difficult for me to believe that somebody like you exists in real life maybe for the same reason you believe I am making this stuff up. I have to say I always found "in your face, too sexually forward" women off putting (not talking about you). Maybe partly those were the same reasons you find "swagger" off putting. It's a a way to get attention and when it comes to quality sex, it is all superficial and may not be all as "advertised". But I don't care about it. I care about what my wife feels.

Actually the reason I mentioned your posts sometimes sound a little made-upp-ish, is that there are so many generalities about how sex is "supposed to feel like" and about how you view yourself from a certain, sexual angle but it's very thin on specifics (actual technique and specific experiences). A bit like horoscopes. That's not to say horoscopes cannot be entertaining but there is a high probability that the way WE view ourselves is not that close to the way we actually are or the way others view us. It is one thing to project a certain image on a forum and quite another go about living a life as a real person.



I agree, if it was all that. However doing this while also telling us that all men you have been with were all empty talk when it comes to their HD is basically making fun of the problem of people like me and Alexm (and others I am sure) share. It comes across as though you believe we come here to "show off" or something. I guess if I knew you in person, I could assign a tone to your writing and maybe wouldn't infer it necessarily but those generalisations sometimes trip me up. I guess I must learn to stop "defending" all these men you have been with and look at myself as a separate entity to not get offended :-)
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Hmmm...there's something about some of your posts that sounds...made up?
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Like I wrote, I was always put off by the forwardness, with which the willingness to engage in any kind of sex act was advertised by women/girls. Real life is very different from cyber world. In RL, it felt forced and unnatural because many women know it's something that men like to hear (and your remark kind of proves it) and know how that it's a way to get men interested. Some women also mistake HD for the need to receive affection (which many men are either incapable of giving in the way that their "HD" partner desires or find it plain tiring). Holding hands in public, caress each other all day long, give each other compliments ad nauseam...all this can easily be mistaken for actual desire to have sex with your partner. All this then can result in the woman then deciding: "no man can live up to my HD. He's not paying me enough attention".
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post #583 of 1530 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 06:56 PM
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Re: Thoughts on this

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Not the made up ones, no. the real ones are too busy having sex :-)

Remember the goal of feminism: Making sure only alphas get laid!
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post #584 of 1530 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 06:56 PM
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Re: Thoughts on this

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jade - that women who pretend to these things on the internet aren't real IRL.

inmyprime - What?? I said no such thing.



Um...I'm pretty sure you did actually doubt that I am telling the truth or that I am not "real" in the way I present myself?
Well, someone said it
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post #585 of 1530 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 06:58 PM
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Re: Thoughts on this

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Originally Posted by Faithful Wife View Post
jade - that women who pretend to these things on the internet aren't real IRL.

inmyprime - What?? I said no such thing.



Um...I'm pretty sure you did actually doubt that I am telling the truth or that I am not "real" in the way I present myself?
Exactly my point! Inmyprime has already decided what women are and what we are capable of and anything that might possibly challenge that is "made up" or "off-putting" or somehow demonstrates that women don't even know what sex is.

It's a common theme here, but a pernicious one that actually serves only to ensure that women's voices aren't aired or heard.
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