Thoughts on this - Page 91 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #1351 of 1530 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 08:44 AM
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Re: Thoughts on this

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Originally Posted by wild jade View Post
Yes, but we also have to remember that this is the internet. And isn't it interesting how all the *posters* are selfless, giving, generous, considerate people doing everything they can to make life wonderful for their spouses. And all the absentee spouses are selfish, entitled people who don't appreciate what they have, refuse to compromise, never give anything, but just take, take, take, all with zero appreciation, and who desperately need to be taught a "lesson".
Good point and one I think gets lost at times. I don't think it's always intentional just someone gets so frustrated that they only focus on the faults of their partner all the time. I know it helped me when someone on here said look in the mirror yourself. I really saw yes I had legit complaints but I was also failing in ways I didn't see.

What does crack me up though is studies show like 25% of women orgasm in sex but the wives of the men here are like 100% ha. I love reading she isn't into sex with me anymore even though I give her 5 orgasms at least every time haha.
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post #1352 of 1530 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 08:47 AM
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Re: Thoughts on this

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What does crack me up though is studies show like 25% of women orgasm in sex but the wives of the men here are like 100% ha. I love reading she isn't into sex with me anymore even though I give her 5 orgasms at least every time haha.
I have seen quite a few guys here comment that their W doesn't or rarely has an O during PIV, but can O via other means (oral, toys, etc...). I believe the 25% figure is related specifically to PIV
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post #1353 of 1530 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 09:50 AM
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Re: Thoughts on this

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Nope, I never mentioned that, ever. It's other people who have "guaranteed" she's faking orgasms, because how could any woman have real orgasms if they don't like sex and it's so obvious she's faking for my benefit, because all women do this.
Jade was not saying she definitely was faking. She has no way of knowing. She just suggested you consider it.

Alex, remember I asked you why your wife might feel a need to do that? Not saying she is, or does, but I don't think you ever answered.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #1354 of 1530 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 09:51 AM
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Re: Thoughts on this

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I have seen quite a few guys here comment that their W doesn't or rarely has an O during PIV, but can O via other means (oral, toys, etc...). I believe the 25% figure is related specifically to PIV
Good point. I wasn't implying this was from the long time posters on here like Alex and such or yourself. More of the drive by ones that come here and are gone. They are usually like my wife sucks is this and that but never say I'm not doing this either.

I think if you see some admintance of your own faults it's a better version. Instead of hearing I work 60 hours, come home take care of the kids, cook, clean, do the yard work, workout, and give her organs all the time I sometimes think that might not be the full accurate story of what's going on that's all.
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post #1355 of 1530 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 09:53 AM
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Re: Thoughts on this

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Good point. I wasn't implying this was from the long time posters on here like Alex and such or yourself. More of the drive by ones that come here and are gone. They are usually like my wife sucks is this and that but never say I'm not doing this either.

I think if you see some admintance of your own faults it's a better version. Instead of hearing I work 60 hours, come home take care of the kids, cook, clean, do the yard work, workout, and give her organs all the time I sometimes think that might not be the full accurate story of what's going on that's all.
The real question, who's organs are you giving her lol
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post #1356 of 1530 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 09:54 AM
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Re: Thoughts on this

Ha good old auto correct.
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post #1357 of 1530 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 09:57 AM
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Re: Thoughts on this

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Nope, I never mentioned that, ever. It's other people who have "guaranteed" she's faking orgasms, because how could any woman have real orgasms if they don't like sex and it's so obvious she's faking for my benefit, because all women do this.
I've wondered how she orgasms but still doesn't like sex. That's the part that simply does not compute. How can anyone who orgasms regularly not like sex? It makes no sense! I've not doubted that she orgasms, I've doubted that she doesn't like sex. I think she just likes control and with holding sex is a form of control.

"Some women are blessed with multi-orgasmic ability for a reason and I'm damn sure not going to waste a blessing" ~FrenchFry


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post #1358 of 1530 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 10:22 AM
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Re: Thoughts on this

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I've wondered how she orgasms but still doesn't like sex. That's the part that simply does not compute. How can anyone who orgasms regularly not like sex? It makes no sense! I've not doubted that she orgasms, I've doubted that she doesn't like sex. I think she just likes control and with holding sex is a form of control.
It's the bolded. It doesn't compute because she does not not like sex. Alex is frustrated because he feels she lacks spontaneity, during a normal week, and doesn't put sex as high on her list of priorities as he does. He is not complaining about frequency nor about the quality or whether she enjoys it as much as him. Unless I missed something.
We have to remember everyone's situation is truly unique. While it may 'rhyme' with another poster's situation it is still unique. What tends to happen is that posters tend to get lumped into the same pigeon hole that fits a certain profile. I am not sure how helpful it is because there are a lot of shades of grey for everyone's situation and being a bit more discerning about everyone's individual situation might be more beneficial to posters.
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post #1359 of 1530 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 10:26 AM
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Re: Thoughts on this

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I've wondered how she orgasms but still doesn't like sex. That's the part that simply does not compute. How can anyone who orgasms regularly not like sex? It makes no sense! I've not doubted that she orgasms, I've doubted that she doesn't like sex. I think she just likes control and with holding sex is a form of control.
See, I don't necessarily correlate having an O and liking/not liking sex. She may very well like it, but when she has an O that may be good enough for her for some amount of time (i.e. weekly). I am sure there are many things we all enjoy but doesn't mean we want them all the time. I think this is what confuses an HD about an LD.
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post #1360 of 1530 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 10:48 AM
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Re: Thoughts on this

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I've wondered how she orgasms but still doesn't like sex. That's the part that simply does not compute. How can anyone who orgasms regularly not like sex? It makes no sense! I've not doubted that she orgasms, I've doubted that she doesn't like sex. I think she just likes control and with holding sex is a form of control.
SLA...
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post #1361 of 1530 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 10:51 AM
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Re: Thoughts on this

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Yes, oral sex. She still gives it to me (never on it's own, though). I don't ask for it. I'm unsure if she just blurted this out to hurt me at that point (this was ~5 years ago or so) or if she meant it.
Ask her
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post #1362 of 1530 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 11:05 AM
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Re: Thoughts on this

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I've wondered how she orgasms but still doesn't like sex.
First, it isn't that she doesn't like sex (Alex reports that she is always very into sex when they have it).

Just because she likes sex doesn't mean that she always wants to have sex or is willing to have sex at any time.

I'm an introvert and social gatherings are quite taxing for me.

On the other hand, it's common for me to be the life of the party and appear to be having a great time (and I usually am having a great time). However, I can only handle this in limited quantities. Too many parties and I'd be mentally exhausted.

So, how can I enjoy parties and not want to go to them all the time?

I think these "she has orgasms and therefore should want to have sex all the time" or "if she doesn't want to have sex all the time, she must not be having orgasms" memes can lead to misunderstanding the nature of the problem.
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post #1363 of 1530 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 11:09 AM
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Re: Thoughts on this

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I am sure there are many things we all enjoy but doesn't mean we want them all the time. I think this is what confuses an HD about an LD.
Of course. I'm sure most people can think of several things like this.

And then there's this: My wife feels absolutely wonderful after going to the gym and talks about how she should do it at lot more. The next time comes and it takes a crowbar to get her off the couch.
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post #1364 of 1530 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 11:12 AM
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In trying to help Alex figure this out, I think it's good to keep in mind he said it's not just sex his wife shuts down except for that one small window of time a week, it's all of the "extras" that usually accompany a full sexual relationship she shuts down too, such as flirting, anticipation, etc. They are like asexual beings except for an hour a week, per her control.
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post #1365 of 1530 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 11:13 AM
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Re: Thoughts on this

I think often people don't really know what their partners see wrong in them. They focus on their own positives because those are what they are aware of, but honestly don't put much weight on their failures.

if my wife were here she would say that she works a good job, cleans, shares chores spends lots of time with me, enjoys all sort of things that I enjoy. She probably wouldn't even mention our sex life because she considers that a trivial issue.


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Good point and one I think gets lost at times. I don't think it's always intentional just someone gets so frustrated that they only focus on the faults of their partner all the time. I know it helped me when someone on here said look in the mirror yourself. I really saw yes I had legit complaints but I was also failing in ways I didn't see.

What does crack me up though is studies show like 25% of women orgasm in sex but the wives of the men here are like 100% ha. I love reading she isn't into sex with me anymore even though I give her 5 orgasms at least every time haha.
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