I've wondered how she orgasms but still doesn't like sex. That's the part that simply does not compute. How can anyone who orgasms regularly not like sex? It makes no sense! I've not doubted that she orgasms, I've doubted that she doesn't like sex. I think she just likes control and with holding sex is a form of control.
See, for me orgasms and my sex life with my husband are things that can exist in separate realms. No matter what my sex life with my husband has been like, my dose of orgasm wasn't affected. If I want one, I can have one.
But liking sex is a different matter. I didn't like it for a period of time with my husband, but it had little to do with whether or not I liked orgasm (which I do, a lot.)
And now that sex with my husband is something that I want and need, it has little to do with whether or not I orgasm during sex with him (which I do sometimes, and sometimes not, but never because I can't.)
(I'm coming to realize that the relationship between female orgasm and sex is really different for different women. But it does seem to almost always be important for the man's enjoyment.)
The seems remarkably common. As far as I can tell my wife almost always has an O - we use toys / vibrators are part of our sex play. But she very rarely wants sex.
I think that for some an orgasm is sort of mechanical. Many straight men would have an O if given a BJ by another man. That doesn't mean that they enjoy it - its just a mechanical response. Many women may be similar - the right physical stimulation will cause them to O, but it doesn't mean that they particularly enjoy the experience.
The problem is that I don't really know. I simply cannot put myself in the mindset of not enjoying sex with the person I love, if that person is making an effort to please me. All I can do is try too imagine some other situation which is physically pleasurable but not enjoyable.
There was a female poster here who described that she didn't want an orgasm as part of sex.
For me, not all orgasm are created equal. They are simply a physical release sometimes, other times they are part of our sex "play," other times they are a very intense part of our emotional bonding during sex. They have little to do (for me--not speaking for other women here) with my sex life with my husband. My pleasure in that has almost exclusively to do with . . . well, his pleasure. I get off on him getting off, to be blunt. I get actual sexual pleasure out of, say, giving him a blow job. It's different than the physical pleasure I get from an orgasm, and also more intensely sexually pleasurable.
I can't figure out if I'm just kinked way different than most women, or if because I can "afford" to see orgasm as separate from sexual pleasure because orgasms aren't ever something I see as something I have to "get" during sex.
I do know that if my husband expected me to orgasm or pressured me to or didn't let me just please him during sex, then I'd get less enjoyment out of sex. Might feel like I had to fake them because of my "need" for him to be sexually satisfied in order for me to "get off" on sex.
When you're dependent on your partner's sexual pleasure for your OWN sexual pleasure, it can complicate things.