Question for men - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #46 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 08:02 PM
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Re: Question for men

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Originally Posted by Young at Heart View Post
I am a guy. Most guys when they look at porn are looking for variety, something different to spike their imagination. The brain is the biggest sex organ.

Just about any woman can be sexy. Sexy is attitude & confidence and that sometimes comes across and onto the camera. BBW women can be sexy as hell. May I ask you to take a moment to watch the following You Tube video (pay special attention to both the audience and the judges reactions). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DRLf-IepDyU She is skilled and confident. I wouldn't want to be married to but she is kind of fun to watch.

For myself, when I look at porn (every now and then) it is usually fantasy stuff that I would not want to do with anyone. That is strictly fantasy, no I don't' think I would want to do that in reality, with one exception (oral sex). My wife that I love will not give or receive oral. She thinks it is unclean, unnatural and immoral. I have talked to her about it, tried to negotiate it, our sex therapist tried to talk her into trying it. It is something she is absolutely against, and its her body/mind so I have no right to try to force her.

If your love life is fine, your husband is faithful, don't worry about it. Just give him that look, shake your head and say silly boy, enjoy yourself, but come to bed with me.

In the big picture of marital problems, this one shouldn't score very high.

Good luck.
That woman is straight up amazing!
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post #47 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 10:04 AM
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Re: Question for men

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Originally Posted by Lizzyb View Post
Oh if he didn't want to upset me then he could have said a lot of things differently. He woudn't have showed me exactly what he looked at that got the deed done. He wouldmy have opened up as much as he did he would have twisted things around to spare my feelings. He didn't do that. He was crafty in trying to hide it and from other posts there are a number of things guys say to downplay it and he didn't do that
Your husband is lying to you, no doubt. No one looks up specific names hoping to find something other than those names. And why is it that he has those names at his fingertips?

I'd say he's clearly trying to protect your feelings and his privacy all at the same time. If you want to build trust and honesty in him ..... well, you have your work cut out for you.
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post #48 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 04:17 PM
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Re: Question for men

Its difficult to get past the shame problem with sex and fantasy. There is the fear that your partner will react badly to something that is just fantasy.

If I told my wife that I enjoyed (fake) rape porn, she would be horrified. I don't actually want rape any more than watching Star Wars means that I want to commit mass murder. Its a fantasy, and play acting. Still, I can imagine the reaction.




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Originally Posted by wild jade View Post
Your husband is lying to you, no doubt. No one looks up specific names hoping to find something other than those names. And why is it that he has those names at his fingertips?

I'd say he's clearly trying to protect your feelings and his privacy all at the same time. If you want to build trust and honesty in him ..... well, you have your work cut out for you.
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post #49 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 04:33 PM
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Re: Question for men

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Originally Posted by Lizzyb View Post
I posted recently about finding out my partner looked at porn. I didn't notice one search until a few days ago, I overlooked it since it was a woman's name. The last time he did this was 5 months ago and I recall there was a woman's name that time to. The names are Claudia Marie and Laura Orsolya. When I looked them up I was a little shocked since they are bigger women. I am complete opposite. I'm 5'5" 120 lbs I am in shape and have nice curves and decent muscle tone, no six pack but my stomach is flat. I have a full size b cup so I'm not flat but not big busted either. I'm what you call exotic looking as far as facial features think of Selma Hayek and Penelope Cruz. When you look at porn that's complete opposite of who you are with why is that? Also the Claudia Marie looks similar to his ex that he left, so does he still have desire for her? I'm a little confused. The other searches showed women that had shapes similar to mine so it wasn't that shocking ad opposed to these 2 names
Speaking as a man in a committed relationship who also sometimes looks at porn... For me, it's about variety. My gf is stunning; tall, long legs, fair skin, dark hair, curvy yet fit and proportionate. Yet, sometimes I look at porn where the female is a bit bigger or a bit smaller. Depends on what strikes my fancy in that moment.

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Originally Posted by chillymorn69 View Post
For me its more the acts that they do not necessarily how they look ....don't get me wrong they have to be appealing but I'm not really interested in fake boobs or ultra thin.
Yup. It's really more about what they're doing as opposed to how they look. Although they have to be attractive enough for me to maintain an erection, so there's that. I prefer amateur porn far more over professional porn, but sometimes you come across people who are on the low-end of the attractiveness spectrum. Boner = gone.
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post #50 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 06:12 PM Thread Starter
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I was able to surprise him with a BJ. I think just doing it on a whim is what excites him not so much the act since he didn't let me for very long at all, he wanted to make love instead. I think it just helps him to see that I desire him. I even had him try a different position and told him where I wanted to be touched. He said it was very erotic. he wasn't able to last too long but was able to recover quickly and finish me. Its such a different feeling being so open sexually and I do think it will keep it exciting and bring us even closer.
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post #51 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 06:14 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by badsanta View Post
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Originally Posted by Lizzyb View Post
I would have to be ok with it and I would have more respect for him for being honest. It's understandable if that were the situation and he had an itch to be scratched and I wasn't around. I know he is visual and it's a tool to get the job completed. I'm trying to teach him this is more about being open and not ashamed than anything and what will ruin us is hI'm not being totally honest and real
Without him even asking, you should have that conversation with him so that he understands how you feel. When I was in that situation with my own wife, she had no problems with it. While not ideal, perhaps it made her feel a little more comfortable to know "what" I was watching. In my case I purchased some DVDs and showed them to her beforehand and she did ask a few questions as to why a chose certain things, which just happened to be that those particular DVDs were on clearance for just $5 each.

Another thing I am getting at, is that you may want to allow him some porn in the house, but limit it to something that does not make you feel too uncomfortable. Perhaps it can be a video on tantric sexual massage, and you may want him to try and learn from it while watching.

Badsanta
I think the tantric dvd might be a good option. I will bring that up to see how he feels on that
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