You mention your religious upbringing.
This means that it is wrong to say "No" to your spouse when they want sex, because your body belongs to them! And theirs to you!
What if you conducted an experiment where you choose to say "Yes" to him every time he asks? Or at the very least "Not right now, but definitely later tonight." You are free to make that choice, irrelevant of your feelings.
This system has worked well for me. I feel very blessed by my husband and I'm sure he does to! I have been pregnant or breastfeeding for 11 years and the hormones of this stage make me have very low drive. So I don't feel "in the mood" much. BUT I always get in the mood when we get going.
Perhaps you feel initiating is too much when you aren't into it, I get that. Maybe you could tell your husband that from now on (for the next month or 2 months or forever) that you will ALWAYS say "Yes" to him. You may be surprised by the wonderful changes that occur in him and your relationship! He may binge on sex at first, but he should settle down when he relizes that your word is trustworthy.
If he is selfish in sex and doesn't help you to enjoy it then that makes it not very enjoyable for you. I've been there for the first 6 years of our marriage. But through enough discussions and my husband learning that he actually gets more enjoyment when his wife is enjoying it things are great now.
Give freely to him and you will see a wonderful change in time.
Yes this experiment is very hard to do! But you mentioned your religious upbringing, so pray to God that He will give you the strength to be generous to your husband even when you feel he doesn't deserve it!
You sound like my wife! We've been married for over 20 years now.
The husband of the OP reminds me a lot of me the first few years of my marriage. I, too, grew up in a dysfunctional and abusive environment. Slowly but surely, I grew up to be a product similar to what I saw growing up. That same person I swore I would never be because of the pain and anguish it caused the family I grew up in. Somehow, though, I did resemble that, and saw it as "normal" in my mind's eye. I knew I was wrong in my heart's eye, but I still did those things.
I'm definitely not trying to slight the OP, but the one thing (other than my conscience) that kept me from going elsewhere was my wife NEVER said no to sex. Looking back, and we all know hindsight is 20/20, I can see just how selfish I was, how abusive I was (though not physically), and how blind I was.
People can change, and I am living proof of that. It took my going to the altar and giving my heart to God for my eyes to truly open. My life did a complete 180 after that. I quit drinking and partying, quit going to bars, and quit going out with same people I hung around with. All these things I "thought" I would miss turned out to be things I don't want anymore. I thank God every day for the changes He made in me. I never considered myself a religious man until it happened to me.
I can truthfully say that I am truly at peace and happy now!