My husband and I have been married for almost 5 years, 2 kids ages 4 and 2. Last summer we had an issue arise that almost broke us, but it ended up bonding us closer once we got through it. This year has been so amazing and amazing our relationship has gotten so strong. Unfortunately, I have been feeling lots of uncertain feelings again and feeling very insecure about us. Here's the issue: last summer I found out that he had been texting with local escorts for about 5 months. He worked out of town for our entire relationship (3 weeks on 3 days off) and had been searching for local escorts everywhere he went. Once he found local work and was home every day he was then looking at local girls in our town. When I found out he insisted he had never actually met up with any one, he just liked to txt them and ask them stuff and then pretend like he was going to meet up but then not show up or just end the convo. He said it was just exciting and it was because porn had gotten boring because he had been watching it since he was a kid. It was a tough road, I asked for a separation, especially since I have never truly believed his story. I have always known that the chances of him having had NOT met up with anyone are slim to none but I just made the choice to "believe" him and forgive and move on. I did this and it's been a great year, we went to a couple of counselling sessions, he promised to stop watching porn all together and never cross that line again. I have only caught him searching and watching port once or twice, confronted him, he apologized, and we moved on. I do understand that it's normal for men, and I never had a problem with porn before because I had accepted it as normal, but after this incident I agreed that it was safest to just cut it off all together. ANYWAYS, this month I have been getting all sorts of feelings again of mistrust. I keep having dreams about him cheating on me, very realistic dreams. I keep feeling like he is being sketchy around his phone (it could be my imagination), and I find myself locating his phone throughout the day or if he is even 10 minutes late from an outing. I try to check his phone but he deletes everything every day and his texts are clean. I wonder if I am having these feelings because it was around this time last year or if it's because he joined a co ed sports team this month which worries me, or if it's because my close friend just got divorced over an affair... I don't know what it is but it's REALLY affecting me negatively. Should I be suspicious? Should I bring up how I feel? Or should I just chalk it up to skepticism and hormones and stay silent about it... ugh I just don't know, I hate this feeling. I keep having these mental images of him with other women and it's making my heart break. He is like #1 husband and father in every other way. Just feeling scared of losing him I guess, and honestly I just kind of wish I could know the truth about last year FOR SURE. I chose to "believe" him but my heart still knows that that was probably stupid.
1. Porn is NOT normal for men. Normal men do not NEED porn, many men get by with a healthy loving partner. He is obviously an addict when the porn was not doing if for him anymore and he had to up the ante to meet girls
2. He is lying that he never met any of them, he probably has already had sex
3. Do not ignore those uneasy feelings, they are your intuition telling you something is wrong
4. Why would he delete everything every day? Ask him why he feels it necessary to delete. If he is building trust then his actions say something else. Surely after the many times you have caught him if he was genuinely interested in being open and transparent he would not be engaging in deleting stuff off his phone
5. Yes you should be suspicious, your WH didn't change, he just got better at hiding his extra curricular activities
6. You will drive yourself crazy, how long do you think you can keep up with the monitoring, this is no way to live
7. Get a PI, have him tracked, put a VAR in his car. This will either confirm your suspicions or prove them wrong. If your suspicions are confirmed then divorce him.
The ball is in your court, take action and refuse to live in this limbo land.