Dear lord I am so very sorry for all the hardship you are facing. The trauma must have been horrendous!
I've had to re teach my body and override emotional reactions in order to enjoy sex. I was sexually abused as a child. While my issues seem a cake walk to yours, maybe there are some similarities that might help you in your sitch.
But first, can you tell me why you want to have sex anyway? If you could design your perfect future being guaranteed that both you and your husband found happiness and contentment, would it include sex? Do you want sex for you or do you want sex for your H? You really need to think about your answer.
Those are the questions I asked myself. Did I want sex for me or did I want sex so that my husband would be happy with me? I decided I wanted sex because I wanted to be normal. I wanted to stop pretending I was normal and actually BE normal. (This was long before I discovered no one is normal when it comes to sex...because there is no normal!)
Your husband sounds like a decent guy who is consumed with guilt. "Shoulda been there and protected, shoulda ...coulda....woulda.... wouldn't have happened." I don't know too many men who would have walked away from a woman they loved after she suffered such a horrific trauma. I bet your husband is horribly conflicted at this point. How could anyone have walked away from someone they loved as you suggest he should have? Could you have done that? Could you have walked away knowing the suffering and pain of the trauma would be compounded by abandonment? It's probably insulting to him to suggest such a thing. But now 6 years later he is still fighting the battle he missed out on and instead he hates himself a little more each day because he can't make you feel happy and whole and he blames himself.
What he needs to understand is that it is not in his power to do that. He cannot make you healthy, happy and whole. Only you can do that.
My first suggestion is to stop worrying about your husband and what he wants or doesn't want or how he feels or what you think he thinks. It doesn't matter. None of that matters because ...you can only control you. I know you've heard that a thousand times but it doesn't seem to have sunk in, maybe that's part of your anxiety. Stop worrying about your husband!
You're pushing your idea, your mental picture, of what a marriage is supposed to be and what a husband is supposed to want/like and what a wife is supposed to want/like and it doesn't sound like your husband is on the same page.
I know that he has trouble looking at or touching certain places on my body...
Why is that? If he hasn't run his hands and mouth over every damn scar you have, acknowledging them, touching them, loving them because they are a part of you that you both need to come to terms with, then he is every bit as traumatized and averse as you are. And if what you say is true, that he doesn't go there because it bothers him, as opposed to him not going there because he knows it bothers you, than it is doubly important that you stop putting him into the process of healing. Because you can't heal him and he can't heal you.