what do I do?
My wife and I have been together for close to 16 years, and married for 7.We live on a beautiful property, (Iím a farmer) but donít have a lot of money, and do have a fair bit of stress because of the country we live in and her relationship with her family.
Before we got married our sex life was great, lots of experimenting, fun and variety. After the wedding it slowly started tapering off, became more vanilla and less frequent.
Our son was born 3 years ago, and since then shes never got her groove back and were down to once a week of ďlazy sexĒ If I try and spice things up, no matter how gently Ė even giving her oral - she shuts it down. It feels like she just wants to get it over with.
Until about a year ago I would often push or tease about sex Ė things like ďI canít wait to get you home so I can give a BJ till you pass outĒ trying to keep it light and fun, she would always say she was up for it, but when the time came she would ask for a rain cheque, which of course never happens. Iíd say I initiated 95% of the time, and got blocked 75%.
Eventually I got pissed off and we had a serious talk about why her libido has gone down so much, why shes so good at promising weíll do it tomorrow, what I can do go make her interested in sex again etc. Our normal conversation ending is her bursting into tears and running away Ė no matter how gently I approach a subject. This time she came back downstairs and said she doesnít want to do anything more exciting in bed because I donít do anything for her, donít bring her flowers, donít tell her how good she looks, generally I donít do anything just for her to make her feel special and wanted.
I was floored. I thought about it for a couple of minutes and reminded her that I do 99% of the cooking, looking after the house and our son. I look after her like a princess, Iím always telling her how gorgeous she is, I grow flowers in the garden and pick them for her often. I cook the foods that she loves, and donít use ingredients that I love but she doesnít. I support her career 100%. Iíve changed countries and careers for her, and have given up many of my dreams so she can pursue hers. I was in a complete rage and it took us a while to get back to a fairly even keel, but our sex life never really recovered.
In the year or so since Iíve slowly stopped initiating sex, I just canít be bothered any more, Iím building up a huge resentment towards her and am starting to think of life without her, but I really donít want to leave her. We love each other and get on really well, were affectionate, but it feels like were best friends, not lovers and my resentment about sex is getting in the way of everything good in our relationship.
I think one of the biggest things causing the resentment is the broken promises, and I feel like sheís not putting in any effort. Yes shes tired from working a physically demanding job, but so am I. Weíve talked and talked about this, it probably comes up every 4 months or so, she promises to put in more effort, says she wants more sex, to be wilder and to get back to where we were having fun but literally from the next day its back to the same old same old.
Ok, so after the wall of text, what do I do?