Any thoughts on a man not being able to finish? - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-18-2017, 10:30 AM
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Re: Any thoughts on a man not being able to finish?

Stress can cause this. Once source of stress is worrying about sexual issues like this. That can set up an unfortunate positive feedback.

Try really not worrying about it for a couple of months and it might just go away.

Its not an uncommon problem in men, just not talked about as much as ED.
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post #17 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-18-2017, 10:36 AM
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Re: Any thoughts on a man not being able to finish?

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Originally Posted by FeelingBetrayed View Post
You mean later perform as in cheating?
Yes, perform as in cheating. I am not suggesting that this is the likely reason in your case.
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post #18 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-18-2017, 10:45 AM
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Re: Any thoughts on a man not being able to finish?

Look, in all honesty this happens. There are a multitude of reasons (stress, alcohol, exhaustion, etc)- not all of them are cheating or porn related.

You did mention that it started after the birth of your child. He may be terrified that you'll get pregnant again...would that be a massive financial issue? ...or, there may be just a touch of "Madonna-*****" complex.
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post #19 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-18-2017, 11:09 AM
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Re: Any thoughts on a man not being able to finish?

Any new medications, especially antihistamines and decongestants? Those sometimes mess me up (but she can usually finish me orally in that case).

Love is an ideal thing; marriage is a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

CELIBACY IS NOT HEREDITARY.

Last edited by Married but Happy; 04-18-2017 at 11:17 AM.
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post #20 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-18-2017, 11:45 AM
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Re: Any thoughts on a man not being able to finish?

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Originally Posted by FeelingBetrayed View Post
Thank you for your reply. It bothers me because previously this was not an issue. It became an issue after our son was born. We are in our 30's. I fear that I'm the problem....that he's not attracted to me or finds me less desirable.
From the above, it sounds to me that you do feel it is an issue even if he doesn't. I appears that your concerns are about your desirability as a lover and sex partner. You place the point of time in change at the birth of your son. You have also struggled with you H having what you believe to be an EA.

If you were my sister, I would advise you to go talk to an individual counselor first, so you can sort out "your issues" in your marriage. You are obviously a loving wife who wants to please her husband and feel he desires her. Your confidence is shaken at the moment and you are obsessing about his finishing.

Since your H is in his 30's (unless very overweight and out of shape, or has medical reasons) I would be surprised if this is a serious medical problem.

Once you have gotten you mind around why this is important to you and you have made some IC progress, then I would suggest that you and your H go to a marriage counselor together. In you mind it is connected to when you son was born and it that is indeed the cause for his changed behavior he may have a madonna/wh#re complex thing going on, where you as the mother of his child, now have to be treated than the woman he lusted after to make that child. Alternately, it would be good for your marriage to have some counseling to clean up any loose ends regarding his EA. Rug-sweeping is not a good idea, it is an avoidance technique.

I really wish you the best, but I will again say that based on your initial post and this post, this sounds to me like it is more your issue than his and that as long as he is being satisfied, you shouldn't make too much out of it.

Good luck to you.
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post #21 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-18-2017, 11:53 AM
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Cool Re: Any thoughts on a man not being able to finish?

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I'd be concerned that your husband ISN'T concerned. As a man, it's not a good time when I don't finish. Either he has found a new outlet for release or there is a medical reason that he isn't comfortable sharing.
... or he is just too damned "pooped to pop!"

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My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html
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post #22 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-18-2017, 11:59 AM
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Re: Any thoughts on a man not being able to finish?

Could be a drug side effect. It is called being inorgasmic. I had this problem when I was taking certain prescribed and unprescribed medications. Can he ejaculate when he masturbattes? If not, he should see a doctor real soon. If he can ejaculate while masturbating, but not with you, have a talk about his sexuality because that means he cannot orgasm with either just you or any woman. I also had this problem when having sex with women I just met and who wanted sex. First time we wife swapped neither my wife nor I could reach an orgasm. Anxiety was the problem for both of us, as well as a lot of Cocaine.

The problem can be mental, drug induced, sexual preferences or anxiety. He should be concerned and the fact that he is not is very suspicious. The reason I say suspicious is because my ex fiancee had a lot of trouble having an orgasm with me. She cheated and then went from guy to guy seeking the big O. Finally found it with a woman she is now married to. Anything is possible so find out why and do not let him brush you off. No sense in staying in a relationship like this because sooner or later he will want an orgasm and if he is not having them with you, he will find someone to have them with.

I will mention two other possibilities that I am aware of. The first is that he is compusively mastrubating. I was doing that at one time and when my wife wanted sex I could not reach orgasm because I had done so 4 times already that day. The other reason is that he had sex previously with someone. I have been there myself since I was poly and might see three girls in one day and by the time I was with the third, I could not orgasm anymore.

Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality when the choice is monogamy or your marriage.

Last edited by Vinnydee; 04-18-2017 at 04:17 PM.
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post #23 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-18-2017, 02:52 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Any thoughts on a man not being able to finish?

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Originally Posted by Young at Heart View Post
From the above, it sounds to me that you do feel it is an issue even if he doesn't. I appears that your concerns are about your desirability as a lover and sex partner. You place the point of time in change at the birth of your son. You have also struggled with you H having what you believe to be an EA.

If you were my sister, I would advise you to go talk to an individual counselor first, so you can sort out "your issues" in your marriage. You are obviously a loving wife who wants to please her husband and feel he desires her. Your confidence is shaken at the moment and you are obsessing about his finishing.

Since your H is in his 30's (unless very overweight and out of shape, or has medical reasons) I would be surprised if this is a serious medical problem.

Once you have gotten you mind around why this is important to you and you have made some IC progress, then I would suggest that you and your H go to a marriage counselor together. In you mind it is connected to when you son was born and it that is indeed the cause for his changed behavior he may have a madonna/wh#re complex thing going on, where you as the mother of his child, now have to be treated than the woman he lusted after to make that child. Alternately, it would be good for your marriage to have some counseling to clean up any loose ends regarding his EA. Rug-sweeping is not a good idea, it is an avoidance technique.

I really wish you the best, but I will again say that based on your initial post and this post, this sounds to me like it is more your issue than his and that as long as he is being satisfied, you shouldn't make too much out of it.

Good luck to you.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. I truly appreciate it. I love my husband and want him to be happy & satisfied. I will do some thinking and look into options.
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