Any thoughts on a man not being able to finish? - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #1 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-17-2017, 02:58 PM Thread Starter
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Any thoughts on a man not being able to finish?

I think it's a problem, my husband doesn't.
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post #2 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-17-2017, 03:09 PM
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Re: Any thoughts on a man not being able to finish?

Stress, tiredness, age, frequency of ejaculation, too much *hand*...

If you make it a problem it will soon become one.
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post #3 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-17-2017, 03:26 PM
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Re: Any thoughts on a man not being able to finish?

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Originally Posted by FeelingBetrayed View Post
I think it's a problem, my husband doesn't.
Sex should be fun, exploratory , playful and bonding. It should not be about counting or scoring orgasms.

Obviously his not climaxing bothers you and you imply it doesn't bother him.

Why does it bother you? Do you feel you are somehow being a greedy lover or an unskilled lover, or sexual failure? You probably aren't if you H is truly happy.

Figure out why this bothers you. Once you have figured it out sit down with your H and tell him it bothers you and why. Tell him that you don't have any right to change him and don't want to change him. Tell him that you want to help change yourself so that you and he are both happy when it comes to sex.

Tell him that changing yourself and your feelings may take his helping you to change yourself and that you would like the two of you to go to a sex therapist. ST's are marriage counselors with extra training in sexual matters. Work with the ST on figuring out satisfying things that build intimacy between you that you BOTH feel good about and enjoy.

It should be about intimacy and bonding not orgasm count.

Good luck.


P.S. There could be a bunch of medical reasons and most of them are very bad. You should probably express concern for this medical health and ask that he get a full medical check up with blood work, etc. But as long as he is enjoying sex with you, that should be the goal.

How old are the two of you and is he on any significant medications or have significant medical issues.

As men get older, sometimes they don't "finish" as easily or often as they did in their youth.

Last edited by Young at Heart; 04-17-2017 at 03:34 PM.
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post #4 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-17-2017, 04:05 PM
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Re: Any thoughts on a man not being able to finish?

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Originally Posted by FeelingBetrayed View Post
I think it's a problem, my husband doesn't.
How often do y'all ML? How old are y'all?

I think it's more of a sensitivity problem on his part, and I can assure you it has nothing to do with what you are doing or not doing during the session as to whether he can finish or not.

FWIW, most of the time it's the woman who has trouble finishing. Are there times when you can't finish?

Last edited by Luvher4life; 04-18-2017 at 02:53 PM.
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post #5 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-17-2017, 04:09 PM
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Re: Any thoughts on a man not being able to finish?

How long has this been going on? Was he having these issues before his affair? after? or always.

For reference to others....her husband had an emotional affair that has been rug swept Feeling betrayed
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post #6 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-17-2017, 11:23 PM
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Re: Any thoughts on a man not being able to finish?

He is either having sex elsewhere or masturbating. My hubby had that issue until I discovered he was watching porn and masturbating.


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post #7 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-17-2017, 11:43 PM
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Re: Any thoughts on a man not being able to finish?

I'd be concerned that your husband ISN'T concerned. As a man, it's not a good time when I don't finish. Either he has found a new outlet for release or there is a medical reason that he isn't comfortable sharing.
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post #8 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-18-2017, 12:07 AM
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Cool Re: Any thoughts on a man not being able to finish?

If you are even halfway overtly conveying your very own personal thoughts and fears about it, I'd have to say that he's probably developing a severe case of "performance anxiety!"

Just back off, stay quiet, and let the man work!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html
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post #9 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-18-2017, 12:13 AM
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Re: Any thoughts on a man not being able to finish?

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Originally Posted by arbitrator View Post
If you are even halfway overtly conveying your very own personal thoughts and fears about it, I'd have to say that he's probably developing a severe case of "performance anxiety!"

Just back off, stay quiet, and let the man work!
I have no idea about this case, but some men do not let themselves climax so that they can later perform for their lover.
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post #10 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-18-2017, 12:20 AM
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Re: Any thoughts on a man not being able to finish?

Too much alcohol?
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post #11 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-18-2017, 12:28 AM
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Cool Re: Any thoughts on a man not being able to finish?

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Originally Posted by Steve1000 View Post
I have no idea about this case, but some men do not let themselves climax so that they can later perform for their lover.
But if they did indeed became too overly-tired in that self-enhancement process of planned satisfaction, then wouldn't it be fair to say that that contrived act of theirs was what greatly contributed to their problematical situation of "failure to launch?"

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post #12 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-18-2017, 09:58 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Any thoughts on a man not being able to finish?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Young at Heart View Post
Sex should be fun, exploratory , playful and bonding. It should not be about counting or scoring orgasms.

Obviously his not climaxing bothers you and you imply it doesn't bother him.

Why does it bother you? Do you feel you are somehow being a greedy lover or an unskilled lover, or sexual failure? You probably aren't if you H is truly happy.

Figure out why this bothers you. Once you have figured it out sit down with your H and tell him it bothers you and why. Tell him that you don't have any right to change him and don't want to change him. Tell him that you want to help change yourself so that you and he are both happy when it comes to sex.

Tell him that changing yourself and your feelings may take his helping you to change yourself and that you would like the two of you to go to a sex therapist. ST's are marriage counselors with extra training in sexual matters. Work with the ST on figuring out satisfying things that build intimacy between you that you BOTH feel good about and enjoy.

It should be about intimacy and bonding not orgasm count.

Good luck.


P.S. There could be a bunch of medical reasons and most of them are very bad. You should probably express concern for this medical health and ask that he get a full medical check up with blood work, etc. But as long as he is enjoying sex with you, that should be the goal.

How old are the two of you and is he on any significant medications or have significant medical issues.

As men get older, sometimes they don't "finish" as easily or often as they did in their youth.
Thank you for your reply. It bothers me because previously this was not an issue. It became an issue after our son was born. We are in our 30's. I fear that I'm the problem....that he's not attracted to me or finds me less desirable.
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post #13 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-18-2017, 10:01 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Any thoughts on a man not being able to finish?

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Originally Posted by Lila View Post
How long has this been going on? Was he having these issues before his affair? after? or always.

For reference to others....her husband had an emotional affair that has been rug swept Feeling betrayed
It started after our son was born when we tried to get our sex life back on track after having a baby. It also was during/after the EA. It doesn't happen all of the time but it is something that was never an issue before so that is why it concerns me.
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post #14 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-18-2017, 10:03 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Any thoughts on a man not being able to finish?

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Originally Posted by Steve1000 View Post
I have no idea about this case, but some men do not let themselves climax so that they can later perform for their lover.
You mean later perform as in cheating?
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post #15 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-18-2017, 10:04 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Any thoughts on a man not being able to finish?

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Originally Posted by soccermom2three View Post
Too much alcohol?
It does happen sometimes when he's been drinking but not always.
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