My wife has no sex appeal - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #46 of 64 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 07:48 AM
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Re: My wife has no sex appeal

Honestly, since your wife spent the early part of her relationship with you competing and losing against these other women that you find so wonderfully attractive, and knows that you mostly view her as less than, I doubt she has any motivation whatsoever to become more like your dream girls.
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post #47 of 64 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 08:10 AM
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Re: My wife has no sex appeal

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I find that my eyes wander a lot.
What a load of horse**** - as though your eyes wouldn't glance at other women if she threw on some makeup. Stop blaming her for crap you do anyway.

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Same goes for the bedroom, she doesn't know how to be sexy. I have told her that I don't like dirty talk, really I don't like it coming from her. It just sounds so unnatural. She isn't good at being sexy with her body, or taking charge. I have a more colorful sexual past than she does (I'm her only partner) and sometimes I miss the woman who did ooze sex appeal and who could get me going without even touching me.
I think the thing that's changed more than anything else is your perception of her. You talk about all the jack rabbit sex you had when you were younger, but you also state you've seen her in a dress only FOUR times since you met her. Therefore, I'm assuming she wasn't constantly all dolled up wearing dresses while 'oooozing' all this sexuality, causing all your passion back then. Those were your hormones doing that.

As is the case with most humans, you eventually move out of that stage. That's LIFE. But because you want that thrill of passion and abandon back, you're now blaming HER for it.

Aside from whining, what exactly are YOU doing to bring some passion back to your sex life?
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post #48 of 64 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 08:17 AM
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Re: My wife has no sex appeal

I'm obsessed with hair and make-up and even I don't always have the time or energy to do or put it on. I don't even have children so I imagine your wife is 10x busier than I am. She doesn't seem like she enjoys the process, either which will make it pretty difficult to get her to do it. She may not enjoy it, however, because she doesn't have the time or the skill and this is where you come in...

My husband and I have an agreement: On Saturdays that we're to go out I do very little housework that day. It's MY day to lock myself in the bathroom with a few good shows, my flat iron, extensions and make-up bag. It was difficult to get into the mood at first because he was always bothering me and I just thought, F it. Us women have a zone we like to be in while beautifying. Now that we have a smooth system I can literally watch an entire movie or 2 shows with no interruptions and it's heaven. It's my favourite part of the weekend, even though I wake up extra early because we only have 1 bathroom and I don't feel it's fair to lock him out of it all day. He even goes and gets me coffee while I work.

The next time you have an event do this! Tell her the bathroom is hers because you'd like her to take the time to put herself together without worrying about the house and other crap. I actually think it's OK to say "you'd like her" because that's the truth. She may not react well at first, but I think that's because this is all new territory and new territory at that. Just remind her that you find her attractive, but you WOULD like more effort on her part and you feel you can help her have the time to put in said effort.

Last thing I suggest you do: Get her an Ipsy subscription and make it a total surprise. It's about $20/month and you get a bag of make-up and other products to try out. It just makes the process more fun. (I can help you with filling out her profile because there are tricks to get better products.) That bag coming every month reminds me that I can have a new bit of make-up to try!

I feel like this is a very calm, respectful and fun approach. It seems like you've had conversations which is good, but now you need to DO something. When my husband starts doing house stuff or any other things that MUST be done on the Saturday we have plans without me reminding him I'm on Cloud 9 because I know I can really enjoy pulling myself together.
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post #49 of 64 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 08:46 AM
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Re: My wife has no sex appeal

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I'm trying to say this without sounding like a self absorbed ****. I have been thinking about how I want to word it for two hours. I don't intend for this thread to turn into a debate on how big of an ******* I am or was. The only reason why I am saying this is because it might help my wife.
Too late. You've established yourself back then as a complete asshat. I avoided low lives like you in high school - you could spot them a mile away.

And who are you trying to KID that you're trying to help HER? You're trying to help yourself.

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When our daughter was born I did a great job at making her feel like she and our family still wasn't good enough or worth more than random hookups. I have tried to make that up to her but the past can never be erased.
Why she even chose to have this baby with or without you boggles my mind. Why she chose to continue any type of contact with you boggles my mind. Why she chose to marry you makes my friggen head explode. Where the hell was her pride? I hope one day she finds it, I truly do.

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I'd just like her to dress up sometimes, even just once a week on date nights. I don't want her to change everything about who she is. I don't want our marriage to get boring, stale, bland.
Sorry Bud. You don't get to change the rules now when you always knew exactly who she was. This just kind of falls under the category of "too bad, so sad' ... for you.
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post #50 of 64 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 08:49 AM
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Re: My wife has no sex appeal

Your wife is a rarity. There are plenty of us guys who LOVE women who are so comfortable with who they are in their own skin that they don't own any makeup and have no desire to dress up. Nothing more sexy than a woman with that level of self-confidence.

There are three kinds of business. Your business, my business and God's business. Whose business are you in? -Byron Katie
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post #51 of 64 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 09:01 AM
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Re: My wife has no sex appeal

You said your wife doesn't think you love her, and I think she's right. You SAY you do, but your past actions have proven otherwise.

Now you need to step up to the plate and prove it to her, OVER and OVER. You cheated on her. Call it what you will, but that's what you did. That is the kind of trauma that affects people for DECADES after it happens. It causes PTSD (google PISD if you want to find out more) And instead of apologizing and being remorseful, you're telling her SHE needs to change and become more attractive for you.

SHAME on you.

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

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post #52 of 64 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 09:43 AM
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Re: My wife has no sex appeal

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I'm 4 years older than my wife. I met my wife in high school, she entered the year I was graduating. For about a year I flirted with her and got to know her. She was very shy and it took a lot of persuading. I saw it as a challenge and I didn't care that I took a year of working at it to get her clothes off. I was involved with other women and knew how to keep my wife interested and use her jealousy to my benefit. I toyed around with her and gave her enough to keep her around but we were not in a relationship. I didn't care what she wanted (a relationship) because I was getting what I wanted (sex) and kept her where I wanted her. She got pregnant at age 16/20, we still were not a couple. I kept seeing her, admittedly not as much. Like before, I kept seeing other women. The reason she got pregnant was because I got her drunk to try and loosen her up, the condom broke and I didn't tell her. Everyone at the high school my wife attended knew she was pregnant with my baby and knew she was just a "play thing" that was being led on. She was teased and harassed a lot and switched to online classes in the next term, I could have handled it better but instead did nothing. She always had a small group of friends, she was never popular but knew everyone and everyone knew her. I definitely failed her in that time. When our daughter was born I tried to be involved but wasn't as much as I should have been. When our daughter was 6 months old I had some sense knocked into me and started to get to know my wife as the mother of my child instead of a FWB. A while after (age 18/22) we (I; she always was) went exclusive and have been together for 7 years and married for 5. We have an 8 year old and 2 year old. For years I did a great job at making her feel like she wasn't good enough to commit to. When our daughter was born I did a great job at making her feel like she and our family still wasn't good enough or worth more than random hookups. I have tried to make that up to her but the past can never be erased.

That's right. The past, your behavior, your message to her that she was not worthy and too inadequate cannot be erased.






Quote:
The women that I use to engage with were the types that always had their hair, makeup, nails done, always wore revealing clothing, put out. You're right that I don't want my wife to feel like I am trying to turn her into one of them. She already feels like she isn't good enough or doesn't compare. I try to compliment her a lot and reassure her that I want her and only her.

My wife is attractive. To be blunt, if she wasn't I wouldn't have had any interest in her many years ago. When I first saw her I was attracted to her, when I learned how shy she was it became a challenge for me to "get" her, when I "had" her I that is when I started to like who she was for more than just her body. No my finest moments but I can't change it now. You are right that if she had a different personality that blended in with the other women I saw, I probably wouldn't have focused on her so much. She has a lot of great qualities that other women I've known haven't come close to having. There was always something different about her that I wanted to figure out. I'm the lucky one that she wanted to and continues to want to be with me.

You sure are!


Quote:
I'd just like her to dress up sometimes, even just once a week on date nights. I don't want her to change everything about who she is. I don't want our marriage to get boring, stale, bland.

Come on now let's be honest here. You are bored. You find your wife boring. You want excitement, you want challenge, you want new. M not beating you up on this. This is a common feeling in married people. It's transient though. Remember that. It's transient, not a permanent state of being. You have the power to change this without your wife doing a blessed thing different.





Quote:
It can be difficult to guide her in the bedroom. She is not up for experimenting with different things like sex anywhere other than the bed, roleplaying, new positions. It would be nice, but it's fine. At least I'm getting regular sex, I suppose.

She is very submissive. The problem with trying to guide her is that she thinks it's not feeling good for me and that I've never enjoyed it or immediately jumps to not being as good as other women. I have to be very careful how I work and initiate things. It's my fault, really. She doesn't like to do things that I have done with other women, like sex in certain places, or certain acts. I caused that on my own so I have no one to blame but myself.
Again, not trying to beat you up but want you to notice that you are taking responsibility for having caused issues, but not taking responsibility for FIXING issues!

He vibe you're giving is that you want sex in new and exciting ways. But the vibe she feels from you is the same old same olde...she doesn't measure up, she isn't your first choice and the only reason you two are together is because you knocked her up. You've admitted this.

Why would a woman go to all the trouble of leaving her comfort zone, and being comfortable leaving said comfort zone, for the guy who married her because he knocked her up?

If you want sex in the car, you have to convince her you want HER right then right there. Big distinction between wanting HER and wanting sex. You've taught your wife that yo want sex through out your entire relationship. You've taught her that she is easily swapped out for any other piece of ass. You've taught her that you want to get your rocks off and she is the only available orifice....you being an upstanding man and being faithful now a days, you have no other option but her. Oooh yeah.... being the only choice available makes me hot! NOT!



Quote:
My wife may not be the only woman I've dated, kissed or had sex with, but she is the only woman I've loved. To me, that trumps everything else.
BINGO! Yes it does! It trumps everything else. But your wife hasn't received the message that she is your only choice because she is the only one you love or have every loved. You need to give her that message. I've and over and over and over and then over and over again.

Quote:
We spend usually 2 hours together every night after we put our kids to bed, and we go on a date once a week. Going out of town alone is harder, we haven't done so this year and I think once last year. Our son is still nursing and she hasn't wanted to leave him longer than 24 hours. My parents are going to take the kids for a few weekends this summer, hopefully. We do a family trip once a year (going down south, Europe, etc.). We try and learn something together but I haven't kept up at it. The most recent was archery. Sometimes I am not great at changing up our dates, doing what she wants to do or leaving the plan until the last minute. Or having our daily time always be quality time. My wife appreciates the time that we do spend together, it was a challenge in the beginning but all the time spent together really did help our relationship.
This is excellent! Very very good!

Ive been married almost 32 years and I wish I knew then:

1. Quality time means you are not talking about the kids, the house, or the family.

2. Taking couples only vacations are more important for your family than taking family vacations. Raising little ones is totally consuming. So consuming it is easy to completely forget that we are a person beyond our role as parent. When we lose sight of who we are beyond our role as parent, we are unable to connect with our partner beyond their role as co-parent. The answer is to get physically away from the role as parent and for a lot of women that means out of the house, away from the kids, for at least several days. Because it takes a day or so to step out of the parent role and back into our other person. And in your wife's case, she never got to become the adult person because she was a mother long before she was an adult.

3. Hobbies, past times, finding meaning beyond parenting is absolutely vital. Not just for the marriage but for the whole person, who one day will lose the job of parent and be left with a whole, or a whole person they don't know too well.



Quote:
I am going to go shopping with her and encourage her to find some new clothes. I'll try and keep Boxing Day in mind. If she doesn't want to I'll just have to accept that. I do know where she gets her hair done. She hasn't had it even cut since last September, when I bought her a gift card to have it done before a wedding we had to go to. She had her hair cut and coloured, eyebrows done and nails. If I keep getting her gift cards she might keep it up.
I like this idea, but I would like this idea a lot better if it took place during a vacation away from the kids.



You and your marriage are in a transition stage right now. You need to keep in mind that once your wife develops the sexual confidence you yearn for, she may look around and decide she'd rather have a man who makes her feel cherished instead of the man who makes her feel like she doesn't measure up to other women. Keep that in mind as you tweak her wardrobe and grooming.

"Some women are blessed with multi-orgasmic ability for a reason and I'm damn sure not going to waste a blessing" ~FrenchFry

"Vaginas are tricky creatures." ~Lucy999
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post #53 of 64 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 10:22 AM
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Re: My wife has no sex appeal

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Originally Posted by wild jade View Post
Depends on her personality.

If she always wanted to dress up, but simply lacks the confidence, some of the above suggestions might work.

If you're just trying to change her to be more like your ex gfs, then any efforts will be a guaranteed flop.
Best to let her go and find someone with sex appeal.
Marriage shouldn't be based just on looks. its a commitment made for better and for worse. Promises made for life. He is a married men, he isnt free to seek another woman. He has children, responsibilities.

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post #54 of 64 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 11:07 AM
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Re: My wife has no sex appeal

So basically you cheated quite a few times when she was caring for your baby. You are fortunate she even wants to be with you. If you wanted a woman who dresses like a s**t, they you should have married one.
You have so much and yet you complain that she isn't like those women with their casual morals. You got her pregnant and married her and now you don't want her as she is. Poor woman. I feel for her so much.
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post #55 of 64 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 11:49 AM
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Re: My wife has no sex appeal

It could be a self esteem issue so be sensitive. I've suffered from low self esteem and I felt better in my "comfort" zone of clothes and makeup. Sometimes when a women with low self esteem takes time to make herself look better it can actually make her feel worse if she doesn't like what she sees. If she just throws on skinny jeans and a cute t-shirt she doesn't really care and therefore she doesn't make herself feel bad because she is not drawing attention to herself if that makes sense.

I also suggest a spa day. Tell her she is a hardworking mother and she deserves to pamper herself. Don't make her think it's because you don't like the way she looks.
My mother and myself are like your wife. Everyone comes first so our wardrobe suffers the most and we don't have any cute nice clothes. When my husband takes me out somewhere nice and I have to look forever to find something my husband gets mad and says please go out and buy some nice clothes so we don't have to do this every time I want to take you out. I appreciate this because he is not saying your not attractive you don't have attractive clothes but you just need new clothes.
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post #56 of 64 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 01:18 PM
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Re: My wife has no sex appeal

Sounds very similar to a long term GF I had back in my mid 20s.

She was nice looking and fit but always dressed in jeans and tshirt (only time I ever saw her in a dress in the 5 years we were together was when she was a bridesmaid at her sister's wedding) very minimal if any make up. no jewelry or accessories. only time I ever saw her in heels or anything was the wedding mentioned above.

She was a good lover but refused to do anything the least bit naughty or pornish (is pornish a word? LOL) Refused to wear any kind of lingerie or sexy stockings etc to bed. I have a bit of a foot fetish and I talked her into painting her toenails a couple times in 5 years but she said she felt awkward and that it looked dumb.

She was more at home watching a Cornhusker game with the guys than shopping or looking through a fashion mag with the girls.

I admit I had some yearnings and did look sideways at some pretty girls with their make up, mini skirts, pedicures and high heels, but she was a good GF and we got along well.

Then one day she met someone else that she clicked with better and who must've appreciated her style better and she left me.....

...... for another woman
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post #57 of 64 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 01:50 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My wife has no sex appeal

I talked to my wife late last night. We don't often talk about the past because she gets upset, it's humiliating for me and she doesn't like to go back there. My wife feels like what I did to her was worse than cheating, because she had to sit back and watch and couldn’t do anything about it. She had to try and fight for me and prove herself to me as more worthy than a long line of *****s (her words). Her self worth went down the toilet when she became just another notch on my belt (also her words). Having sex in various places would make her feel like a ***** and she doesn’t want to have any resemblance to those women. She knew I was bad news when she first saw me but couldn’t stay away (again, her words).

I do not want my wife to do anything that is going to make her feel poorly about herself.

Sometimes I worry that one day my wife will want to be with a man she doesn’t have a crappy past with, someone she can start fresh with. Or that she will want to experience other men and dating and wonder what else is out there. She missed out on a lot in life. At 16 she had to become an adult and regular teenager and university experiences were out the window. She worries that one day I will revert back to my old self, so I guess we are even there.

If I had to choose between my wife wearing leggings and a t-shirt and being happy, or doing the whole works and being unhappy, I will choose the happy wife. She has never said that she doesn't want to do her hair, wear makeup, dress nicer. She says she doesn't know how to or doesn't have the stuff needed to do it. So, I'll provide that for her and if she still doesn't want to utilize it then that's ok.

I do not expect my wife to walk around like a runway model (who even wears that crap anyway?). Heck, even just some different coloured or patterned leggings with some new tops and shoes could change it all up. She can look "fashionable" while wearing leggings, if that is what she wants to do.
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post #58 of 64 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 01:50 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My wife has no sex appeal

I know that I hurt her. The person who I was 9, 10, 11 years is not who I am today. I was an *******, a prick, a *********, a jackass, a massive piece of **** and a “player”. I was a master at manipulation and that is not a good skill to have if you want to be a decent human being. I knew how to keep her hooked and I took advantage of her. Refer back two sentences. I am not proud of the man I was. Occasionally old photos and videos pop up from that time period, the amount of disgust, regret and humiliation I feel is huge. I was so proud of who I was back then, there was nothing to be proud of. My 3 closest friends from that time in my life are all in prison, that says enough.

My daughter made me want to change. When I went to see her and realized all of a sudden she was smiling, laughing, sitting, eating and trying to crawl, I realized what I was trading my daughter for. I did not want to miss out on my daughters life because I was too busy sticking my **** where it didn’t belong. I didn’t want that to be the example that I set for my daughter. I don’t want my daughter to become one of those girls who spread their legs for any boy who shows them attention. My daughter is the light of my life. Respecting and loving my daughter also meant respecting her mother. I took the time to get to know her as a human being, a friend, a co-parent, there was no intention to develop a romantic relationship or marry her. That happened with time.

I was with many women before her, but I chose her. She is far better than any other woman who has been in my life. If I could do it all over again, I would choose her a million times over. It was not always easy to change my ways. She was worth it. My daughter was worth it. What we have now was worth it. We stopped having sex (of any form) for a year before we married because my wife wanted to know I could.

She is not the only woman I’ve been intimate with, but she is the last one I will be intimate with. She is not the only woman I have dated, but she is the woman I married. She is the only woman I have loved and said those words to. She is the only woman I have shown my true self to. She is the only woman I have truly let in to every nook and cranny of who I am. She is the only woman I have ever really cared about. She is the most beautiful woman on this planet to me, because of who she is. The two most important women in my life made me want to be a better man, for them.

So, it is correct that if my wife didn’t get pregnant or chose abortion that I probably wouldn’t be with her or be the man I am now. However, I did not marry her because I knocked her up. I married her because I took the time to get to know her, fall in love with her, to cherish her. The situation led to that, it did not force it.

Maybe I am getting some backlash now of my past creeping up on me. I use to love the chase, excitement, new things. I tried to forget that and change that, maybe I cannot. Maybe I just suppressed it. Maybe this is just a phase. Maybe it is something that I have to live with. I have made plenty of mistakes along the way, maybe my expectations are one of them. Maybe I need to reevaluate my expectations or find other ways to add change and excitement to our marriage.

I am going to encourage her to go for a spa day, get some new clothes - of whatever variety she wants, pamper herself because she deserves it. I will treat her to things because she deserves it. To the poster who mentioned the subscription box, that is a good idea. If anything, just to get her something but giving her things to try might be enjoyable for her. She loves subscription boxes, both our kids, each of our dogs, hell even our kids rats get one for gods sake. She deserves one too.

I love my wife. I don’t want any other woman but my wife. I know with every ounce of my being that I am incredibly lucky that she has anything to do with me and that she even allowed me into our daughter’s life. Whatever her reasons are, I am thankful for that. Any man would be lucky to have her. She is not my only choice, she is the only woman that I want.
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post #59 of 64 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 03:48 PM
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Re: My wife has no sex appeal

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I know that I hurt her. The person who I was 9, 10, 11 years is not who I am today. I was an *******, a prick, a *********, a jackass, a massive piece of **** and a “player”. I was a master at manipulation and that is not a good skill to have if you want to be a decent human being. I knew how to keep her hooked and I took advantage of her. Refer back two sentences. I am not proud of the man I was. Occasionally old photos and videos pop up from that time period, the amount of disgust, regret and humiliation I feel is huge. I was so proud of who I was back then, there was nothing to be proud of. My 3 closest friends from that time in my life are all in prison, that says enough.

My daughter made me want to change. When I went to see her and realized all of a sudden she was smiling, laughing, sitting, eating and trying to crawl, I realized what I was trading my daughter for. I did not want to miss out on my daughters life because I was too busy sticking my **** where it didn’t belong. I didn’t want that to be the example that I set for my daughter. I don’t want my daughter to become one of those girls who spread their legs for any boy who shows them attention. My daughter is the light of my life. Respecting and loving my daughter also meant respecting her mother. I took the time to get to know her as a human being, a friend, a co-parent, there was no intention to develop a romantic relationship or marry her. That happened with time.

I was with many women before her, but I chose her. She is far better than any other woman who has been in my life. If I could do it all over again, I would choose her a million times over. It was not always easy to change my ways. She was worth it. My daughter was worth it. What we have now was worth it. We stopped having sex (of any form) for a year before we married because my wife wanted to know I could.

She is not the only woman I’ve been intimate with, but she is the last one I will be intimate with. She is not the only woman I have dated, but she is the woman I married. She is the only woman I have loved and said those words to. She is the only woman I have shown my true self to. She is the only woman I have truly let in to every nook and cranny of who I am. She is the only woman I have ever really cared about. She is the most beautiful woman on this planet to me, because of who she is. The two most important women in my life made me want to be a better man, for them.

So, it is correct that if my wife didn’t get pregnant or chose abortion that I probably wouldn’t be with her or be the man I am now. However, I did not marry her because I knocked her up. I married her because I took the time to get to know her, fall in love with her, to cherish her. The situation led to that, it did not force it.

Maybe I am getting some backlash now of my past creeping up on me. I use to love the chase, excitement, new things. I tried to forget that and change that, maybe I cannot. Maybe I just suppressed it. Maybe this is just a phase. Maybe it is something that I have to live with. I have made plenty of mistakes along the way, maybe my expectations are one of them. Maybe I need to reevaluate my expectations or find other ways to add change and excitement to our marriage.

I am going to encourage her to go for a spa day, get some new clothes - of whatever variety she wants, pamper herself because she deserves it. I will treat her to things because she deserves it. To the poster who mentioned the subscription box, that is a good idea. If anything, just to get her something but giving her things to try might be enjoyable for her. She loves subscription boxes, both our kids, each of our dogs, hell even our kids rats get one for gods sake. She deserves one too.

I love my wife. I don’t want any other woman but my wife. I know with every ounce of my being that I am incredibly lucky that she has anything to do with me and that she even allowed me into our daughter’s life. Whatever her reasons are, I am thankful for that. Any man would be lucky to have her. She is not my only choice, she is the only woman that I want.


You might consider hand writing the first few paragraphs and the last paragraph of what you just posted and giving it to your wife. What a beautiful heartfelt love letter. Perhaps with the spa-day gift cards.

The nice thing about writing it down is she can go back and read it over again when she needs a reminder of your feelings.

I'm a simple leggings and tee shirt kind of girl too. As a busy working mom comfort is important... but different colors, maybe tops that scoop a little can spice it up enough to keep you happy and her in her comfort zone.

Mr HB was always a boob man... he gradually encouraged me by pointing out something that he thought would look good on me (usually a bit low cut) in a casual way that never made me feel like he was trying to change me.

He also opened me up to prettier underwear. I'm a CSA survivor, so not so in tune with my sexuality until I had therapy, and was pretty utilitarian in my undergarment choices when we first dated. He encouraged me by pointing out items in a catalog that he thought would be sexy on me. He reminded me that nobody else would get to see it but him. His reaction when I obliged made me a convert. He made me feel so sexy and desired, which made me more adventurous and confident in bed.

I've recently discovered the benefits of spa days as well... just from a relaxation standpoint you should do this for her... just to let her know you appreciate her and she deserves to be pampered.

Good luck!


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post #60 of 64 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 03:58 PM
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Re: My wife has no sex appeal

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Originally Posted by seek&find View Post
Sending her for a spa day might be a good idea. She has never gone before. I have offered but she hasn't wanted to. She is a person who will do anything for everyone else, but nothing for herself. She would rather spend that time, money, energy, with me and/or our kids. For birthdays and holidays she has never wanted anything, if she was given money from someone it was spent on us or the kids.

She was 17 when she had our first child, so I can understand that she missed out on a good chunk of her teenage years. I was older and almost done college so I didn't miss that time like she did. That also made her very frugal. Given the situation money was tight. We are very comfortable now and can afford the luxuries but she has always stayed in the mindset of "I'd rather take the kids _____ or put money in their college funds than spend X amount of money on clothes, expensive dates, hair, etc.". I appreciate that she isn't a woman (person) who blows money. Our youngest child is 2 and I love him dearly but TBH he is a little **** right now. My wife would appreciate some time away I'm sure.

Thank you for the idea to get her classes. I didn't know that existed but looked on Groupon and sure enough it does. Last September I gave her a gift card to a very nice salon and she had her hair cut and dyed, I will do that again as well. I can buy her an outfit as well. I have bought her lingerie and she had no problem wearing that so why I haven't bought an outfit I think she would look good in I have no idea. She's tiny so finding clothes to fit her is probably easy.

Thank-you.
If she does not want to do a spa day for herself, get a date spa day... you go too. It can be a lot of fun and it would get her there. she just might find that she likes it.

Does she have any friends who you can talk to ? Maybe tell them that you want to spoil her with a spa day Spa date ask that friend to help by having them encourage her to try it.
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