CrazyGuy

Forgive me, I know many people have posted about sexless spouses before. Many posts about it. I had to vent.

Despite being fairly ok normally, I am grumpy today. O forget grumpy, I am pi$$ed off. Why? Because I got up this morning after having a good dream. That may sound stupid but that is the way it is.

The dream was not perverted but my spouse might think it was. I dreamed that it was years ago. My spouse and I were at a beach. We sneaked to a hidden area in the dunes and we did things that married people do. Of course this never happened in real life.

Then I woke up to reality. I Walked pass the room where my spouse sleeps and got breakfast for my son. At the same time realizing how many months it has been....AGAIN. How it has been for the past 17 years. Wondering when life is going to be fun.

Oh, here is my spouse now, asking me a question. I snapped back an answer. Spouse asked me why are you angry? Answer was, Why am I always angry it is the same old. You know why. Spouse: I know that but why this morning? Me: Why not?

We have been through this so many times before. Spouse already knows why I am in a bad mood. Talked and talked about it before. Threatened the big D if things do not change before. Told spouse how I hate myself walking threw the mall and not being able to stop looking at everything that walks my way. Questioning myself if I am some sort of freak. Previous sessions in MC.

I also in the past sent my spouse a long email explaining in more detail how this had affected me and our relationship. In that email I sent this link telling her to read as many of the comments as possible at the bottom of the page. A lot of them could have been from both me and my spouse.

Living Without Sex

When ever I let my anger go my spouse tries to make me happy, sometimes. Why do I have to get angry? Tries to make me happy in every way except one.

Spouse had told me in the past that "I get it, I know" But is that the truth?

For you people that have been there do you think your spouse really knows or still no matter what remains clueless?

frustr8dhubby

CrazyGuy,

I hear ya. I have been struggling hard with this very thing for about a year now. (The "sexless" part has been about 10 years though doesn't sound as drastic as yours).

For my wife, I honestly believe that she knows that it affects/bothers me but I don't think she gets the severity of it. I don't think they see how pervasive it becomes.

Good luck to you...

Cogo123

How can married couples not like to have sex? Its a part of the love and affection you feel for one another. Its not the most important thing in a relationship but its an enjoyable part of it. My husband can go weeks without sex and it bothers me that it cannot be more. I am thinking it may be because he is extremely joverweight and not comfortable with himself.
If you ask her why she doesn't like sex what is her response?
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frustr8dhubby

Cogo123,

I cannot speak for CrazyGuy's situation but for mine it isn't that she doesn't like sex it is just that it doesn't even cross her radar. While I think about it several times an hour she doesn't think about it at ALL.

Cogo123

Did she like sex a lot in the beginning of your relationship?
Sometimes that is a big warning sign that people miss. If she didn't like it then she wouldn't be any better about it later in your marriage.
Strange she doesn't get excited watching a love scene in a movie or buy sexy nightwear that would entice her.
Its difficult to change someone who doesn't see that the issue is bigger than what she thinks. She probably thinks you will always be there no matter what. That can really be a big problem for a lot of marriages when the spouse looks elsewhere for what they are not getting at home.
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frustr8dhubby

Cogo123,

No, actually early on she had as high or higher drive than I did. Nothing "turns her on". She doesn't oogle other men, actors, or anything. It's like "poof" she went asexual.

CrazyGuy

"I do not need that in my life, I do not feel the need for touch." "I do not think it is that important" "There is no reason for it if we are not going to have more kids" "What if I was in a accident and we could not have sex, would you leave me?" "when we do it you are always touching my boobs and groping me"

It is a long list.

Sometime in the next two years we will have sex. After I have done everything rite. Not asked about too often or too little. After we both had showers. After our child is asleep. With the lights out. In the bed room and only in one position. It will be boring.

This was not the way it was before marriage. Sex was great. Nothing changed except the ring. She lived with me before marriage.

She don't like porn. That is fine with me, I do not too. She always turned down going to those sex toy parties her friends had. "there immature"

nader

Some of the quotes on this page are insane.. who are these people? Especially the "marriage counselor."

CrazyGuy

That why I said some could have come from my spouse.

Cogo123

The different quotes sound like ways of turning the issue around and almost making you feel badly for even bringing up the situation.
It seems to me like she isn't going to change and its up to you to decide if you can deal with a sexless marriage. Difficult situation to be in because you love your wife other than this issue.
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accept

After I have done everything rite. Not asked about too often or too little. After we both had showers. After our child is asleep. With the lights out. In the bed room and only in one position. It will be boring.
I wouldnt write it off so quickly. It may be better than nothing.
Must agree having looked at that site.

frustr8dhubby

CrazyGuy,

Dang you sound exactly like my situation. Is the rest of your marriage good? That is my problem. Everything else is great. Sure, we have our ups and downs at times but it makes it darn harder..

accept

So is mine.
My wife was reading about a husband who was always buying his wife things. She asked me why am I not like that. I didnt tell her. But she really doesnt get it. She refuses me and then expects me still to buy her things.

sinnister

my wife will throw me a bone once or twice every 4 or 5 months...ya MONTHS and doesnt understand my utter hopelessness. And then if I cheat I am evil. If I try to leave honorably I've abandoned my children the same way my **** of a father did me. No win.

Cogo123

Accept
Why do you have to buy someone's affection? You should both want to be together because you love each other. Women who expect gifts from their husbands seem superficial.
I never get gifts for any holiday or Anniversary. If you think about it the money you are using is both of yours and could be put to better use than cards, flowers or candy or jewelry.
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