My hatred for my body has increased over the years, not always been with me.
People aren't trying to help you pinpoint what changed and when. That's your key.
If it helps, I'm married to your twin. We were in the same boat as you guys a while back. We're still married and living together. We still get along. But the marriage finally died. We're now your typical passionless couple. When there was still a chance in our relationship and I was giving it a try, and she was pretending to be giving it a try, the sex was actually pretty good. For ME anyhow. But my wife had what I was SURE was body issues due to weight. As much as I was SURE she was trying to WANT to want sex, I could tell she wasn't into it (before you jump on me, she won't LET ME perform oral sex on her. See body issue statement above). All, I'm pretty sure, because of her "hatred for her body".
And I could be wrong. There could be 1,000 reasons that she hates sex with me, but we're not talking about me or her. Or you. We're talking about your husband. I enjoyed reading about how much you love him. That fascinates me. I'd have been the first one to board the "you don't love him any more" train. I'm sure I'd have been elected honorary conductor, even. The train would get full. We'd have to add extra cars. So many people thinking the same thing. I wonder what hubs is thinking...?
So. How do we avoid MY fate in YOUR household? By getting you to take that fantasy to reality. And it'll be easy, I can guarantee it.
I'm a pig. Let's get that out of the way. When the lights were out and I needed to get going, there was probably a better chance that a Playboy era Jenny McCarthy was in my head than my (then) loving wife. But when we got going, and I thought she loved me as much as I loved her, guess who replaced Jenny and Rhianna in my head? That's right. I'm thinking of how much I freakin' LOVE this woman and I'll do ANYTHING to please her. Fat and all. But she couldn't come around (no pun intended). I knew it. She knew it. We knew each other knew it. She'd still tell me she loved me, all the time. But I could tell. Again, I wonder what YOUR hubs is thinking right now.
Anyhow, he doesn't give a crap about what you look like. He just wonders if you really DO love him. Right were I was a while ago. And I can tell you EXACTLY what would have turned me around and saved my marriage:
If I did a Vulcan mind meld purely for the purpose of finding out if she really loved me or not, and then found out she loved me as much as you love your husband. But your husband is not a Vulcan, so all you can do is take away the one thing that is getting him to think you don't love him.
You can get yourself off in 1 minute (55 years old and I just find out that's possible, but I digress).
You can get horny thinking of your husband.
When you are laying in bed horny and about to get off, tap your husband on the shoulder and get him to roll over on his back. Suck him hard and ride him like a bronce 'till you cum. Then say "sorry I had to wake you, but I really needed that".
Hug him, kiss him, and go to sleep.
I can't help you with his lack of interest in cuddling afterwards. Maybe if I got sex like THAT, even once, I'd do all the cuddling I need to do to keep it coming.
Anyhoo...everybody is confusing me with some idiot that used to have a similar name, so I'll get shot down. But just remember: I AM YOUR HUSBAND!!!