Sorry but I actually don't understand your comment at all ????
It's not so much a dream, it's when I do think of sex it is actually with my actual husband, not somebody else I wish him to be.
I do think the fault lies with me.
But when you have 3 children in 2 yrs and 5 months, busy raising what seemed at some point raising triplets because they were so close in age, not leaving much time or too tired for anything else.
Now my children are 25, 24 and turning 23 all living at home, one with a girlfriend. Now I have elderly in laws living right next door and I'm their carer and also cook for them as well.
I organised with my adult kids that Friday & Saturday nights I no longer look after them food wise, because they were never home these nights. So I really loved the idea of looking after just my husband. Now my in laws came along recently and I organise dinners for them on a Fri & sat night and take it to them, the rest of the week they walk over and eat with us every night.
My husband has taken me away twice overnight since last Christmas and what I noticed was I felt aroused..... no kids , no looking after in laws... just me and him. It was like I was released and free.
I actually think OF MY HUSBAND AND I LOVE HIM TO BITS !!
People who know reckon we are well suited. We are always at each in a fun way, we are always doing weird funny things just like we were 20 years old, I cannot explain or stress this enough.
I went to visit my mum overnight who lives 2 hours away, we don't do valentine's, we just think it's too commercialized now. But I came back after spending 2 days with my mum, one being valentine's and my husband did an amazing thing. I walked into the house and there was a sign on the wall with a message and a stuffed animal, walked further , another message, stuffed toy and message. In total I collected about 5 toys & messages.
I went on a 2 week cruise with my daughter. I came home to an immaculate house, a handwritten diary if how much he missed me and how he looked after my beautiful talking parrots.
This is the sort of life we have. All my facebook friends can't believe his spontaneity in many things and I've heard numerous times how my friends wish their husband was like mine.
The only thing I'm thinking at the moment is that life got so busy for me looking after everybody else I had no energy left for a physical relationship, this is my guess at the moment. I'm just wondering why was I aroused when we went away twice with nobody else to worry about.
I'm getting tired of looking after everybody.
I think of MY HUSBAND, NOT OTHER DREAM MAN !!! HE IS MY DREAM MAN !!!
Look at the bolded statements. You do a lot. You are overwhelmed. Your husband obviously loves you a lot if he recognized this and encouraged you to take a break with your daughter, and is taking you away. What you don't say, other than vacations, is - when do you and your husband have alone time? It sounds like you spend a LOT of time catering to your family and that is admirable, but your husband is your family too. You love him a lot or you wouldn't be here.
What if you take the initiative one night a week, have a good friend or one of your kids fill in for you while you and your husband have a romantic night together, or just go for a walk and talk?
Can I also recommend a sex and marriage therapist? There is nothing "wrong" with you, but if you value your husband, and it sounds like you do, you will see a therapist now, not when the marriage is on the rocks. I can't speak for everyone, but sex is so important to a marriage and not so much you performing, or whatever you are picturing when people say "just have sex with him" but you two connecting physically, spiritually. It sounds like you guys need to spend some time together regularly. And I mean talking about things not related to your fmaily. Do you think you could swing it to take an hour a week to take up a new hobby with your husband? If you aren't spending quality time together, I would imagine it's hard to feel connected in or out of bed. It's about recognizing and addressing that just loving him to bits isn't necessarily fulfilling his needs. If it were possible to have a fulfilling sex life with him, not just for him, but for you, would you want that?