Re: I hate sex but LOVE my husband
Ok, I haven't read all the messages completely. I had trouble logging g back in a 2nd time and had to get my password reset. When I got back was very upset by a comment and found so many comments, I just couldn't keep up.
Will try my best here to add everything in short...
When I got home to the valentine's trail in my house, yes, there was sex that night, but I was not 100 % into it. Excluding this sexually issue, our marriage is a very very happy one. I think we have had one serious argument in our 32 years together.
Ours is the type of relationship where we pick on each other constantly in a fun way to get reactions, we muck around, we make each laugh constantly. He tells me all time that he loves me, not suddenly, has done so for 32 years. He opens the car door for me, I run to get there first and he'll knock me out if the way... sometimes he will open the door and hold my head as he puts me in the car, as if he is a cop arresting somebody, we find these little things funny. But mainly he always opens doors for me and says "there you go *****cat". *****cat has become my 2nd name, even my friends and children call me that just because of my husband. There is no words to express the love I have for this man. He was very supportive and more when I was very sick for 2 years. My parents love him to bits. My mum said she could see how devastated he was when I was very sick.
I have no scars, nothing like that, no medication whatsoever from cancer... I have a very small mark on the side of my neck. My cancer was base of tongue, which is basically down your throat.
I have had 3 kids in a very fry short time. I think my sex drive started waning from then on very very slowly.
I look after a household of 5 sometimes 6 adults + 2 elderly in laws who are over with us every night for dinner. I do tend to panic when I feel I don't have the right dinner ( for elderly in laws) stress I guess may have taken over a little with looking after everybody, looking after 2 exotic talking parrots, a dog and 2 cats, I think can do some damage to a sex drive.
When I have the urge and help myself which might be once in 3 or 4 months, I think of my husband, nobody else at all.
I was told a few things on here that I seriously had no idea about and that men need sex to show love, wheras women need love to give sex. I had no idea about this at all. I couldn't work out why my husband couldn't just sit there and cuddle without touching, now this makes sense to me.
I have thought about all these comments the past 2 days, yes I have to change and I am willing to do this. My marriage is a very long one and it is a super happy one regardless of this issue. We still hold hands when we go out. I've recently gotten into doing jigsaw puzzles. My son's girlfriend came home one Friday night to find my husband and I poring over a puzzle. She stood there saying "aweeee how cute".
Last night was the 1st time in a very long time that I was thinking of my husband and this time he was included. Happy to say it's the first in a very long time that I enjoyed us.
I need to understand men more in regards to sex because I did not know any of this. There is still a lot of work on my part. Some things have to change in my life for the sake of my husband and I. I'm just so looking forward to the day when the only person I have to look after is just him.
I noticed lately too that when I visit my parents, I sit there thinking how lucky she is now that she only has to worry about my dad, nobody else. That I have been doing the last few visits. I just want my husband and I.
We joke to the kids "when are you moving out ? " But I think deep down secretly, I mean it but I love my kids to bits.
I think I have covered what I can.
Thank you, long work ahead of me. And in answer to a comment above, yes I often fantasize about being cared for unconditionally. I'm tired of pleasing everybody now. I think I have an idea where these issues lie.
Last edited by RobynF; 04-21-2017 at 05:34 PM.