Why would a man not like his lady wearing sexy underwear? - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #16 of 96 (permalink) Old 04-28-2017, 08:11 AM
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Re: Why would a man not like his lady wearing sexy underwear?

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Originally Posted by DayOne View Post
It's not the underwear, or you, that is the problem.

I made the same mistake, with M'Lady, before D-Day. Not appreciating her effort, her need to feel 'pretty', 'sexy'. Which made her feel like you. Of course when I later asked her to dress up, she didn't want to. Due to the damage it'd caused.

So, talk to him, tell him how it makes you feel, when he dismisses your efforts. And ask him why he doesn't like you wearing them. Madonna issues maybe?

But, understand that it's NOT you. It's him. That you are in fact amazing in them.
Yup. I did the same thing once very early in our relationship. stupid, stupid, stupid. I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and slap myself.

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post #17 of 96 (permalink) Old 04-28-2017, 08:23 AM
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Re: Why would a man not like his lady wearing sexy underwear?

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There is a difference between preference and being a jerk about it. She is clearly vulnerable and everyone has self esteem issues. Saying you look silly and not acknowledging the underlying meaning of it all is very dismissive. This isn't about him getting turned on, it's about her feeling sexy and desirable.
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Yeah, this is what I go back to as well. If my W walked into the room wearing lingerie I wouldn't in any way be dismissive, but I would guess she is not going to get the reaction out of me she would like (or how she thinks I would react b/c the assumption that every guy just goes absolutely crazy over lingerie). That would probably lead to some disappointment on her part.
This. I failed to respect where M'Lady ws coming from, at the time. She's a lot more than "7lbs overweight", and does not feel 'sexy', most of the time. But, she made an effort, at the time, to please me. And I sh*t on it.

It took the best part of 7 years (And the separation), before she tried it again. Trusted in me enough, and regained enough confidence in herself to take that risk. Fortunately I'd extracted my head from out of my rear end, and THAT occasion went well. VERY well....

TBH, I'm not a massive fan of lingerie, for the most part. Corsets and stockings being the exception!

BUT, what I AM a fan of, is respecting my Lady enough to not shatter her self worth. To see the uncertainty in her eyes, "will he think i'm pretty?" and let her know that "hell, yeah you are". Even if that outfit is not the one I would chose, at the time.

Because, if you can't take the time to protect her self worth, as she should protect yours, it's d*mn sure there won't be a next time. for a long time.
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post #18 of 96 (permalink) Old 04-28-2017, 08:24 AM
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Re: Why would a man not like his lady wearing sexy underwear?

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Yup. I did the same thing once very early in our relationship. stupid, stupid, stupid. I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and slap myself.
We should invent one. We'd make a 'kin fortune renting it out!

The TAM Time Travel Transporter!

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post #19 of 96 (permalink) Old 04-28-2017, 08:25 AM
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Re: Why would a man not like his lady wearing sexy underwear?

My W did get the sexy outfits but stopped wearing them after our first child. Weight gain as the reason. Made me no never mind. So, for years it was climbing in bed with the granny panties on. Again, made me no never mind. The goodies were under them there underwear. Anyway, my W has recently lost weight and starting to wear the sexy stuff again. I enjoy it. The best for me though is just a thong. I find that just one piece of sexy clothing a turn on.

“You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.”
― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road
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post #20 of 96 (permalink) Old 04-28-2017, 08:29 AM
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Re: Why would a man not like his lady wearing sexy underwear?

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We should invent one. We'd make a 'kin fortune renting it out!

The TAM Time Travel Transporter!

Just waiting for this to get back in stock ...

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post #21 of 96 (permalink) Old 04-28-2017, 08:41 AM
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Re: Why would a man not like his lady wearing sexy underwear?

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This has baffled me, I keep letting it go - but then it keeps coming back....

I went through a phase of buying a lot of sexy night gear mainly for myself as I was feeling very unsexy at the time and it gave me confidence when having sex.

A few months later he eventually told me he didn't like me wearing any of those things and preferred me naked or in ordinary shorts and tshirt. The last time I wore something sexy (it was a black baby doll see through affair) he laughed at me and told me not to wear it, it looks silly.

Ok fair enough - I was a little hurt but let it go.

Things have been good between us so I am not complaining
:. But I was sorting through my clothes and found my box of sexy lingerie and dress up stuff and really missed wearing them, some of them are so pretty and sexy, and it seems such a waste of money just sitting in a box. So last night I said 'I wonder if my sexy things need to come back out?' He was quiet for a long time and then said 'I'm not so bothered but if you want to wear them then wear them.'.

Its no big deal but it puzzles me why he doesn't find these things sexy, sometimes my insecurities come to the surface and I think its me that he doesn't want to see in them. When has shown me porn films of the things he likes they nearly always have the kind of underwear I have in my cupboard. .

I am currently 7lbs overweight and honestly do not look overweight, just nicely curvy.

Any thoughts?
I am not huge into Lingerie I much prefer nakedness but would not complain about it, if it makes you feel good just wear them and feel good and its a win win for you both. The fact he likes you naked without any props clearly means he enjoys your body as it is.

Also Curvy is great in my eyes there has to be some meat on the bones.

M - 12
Kids - 2
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post #22 of 96 (permalink) Old 04-28-2017, 08:41 AM
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Re: Why would a man not like his lady wearing sexy underwear?

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Just waiting for this to get back in stock ...

EB Enterprises 121G - Flux Capacitor | O'Reilly Auto Parts
We'd have to limit it to ONLY people who knew WHAT they'd fked up and HOW they would fix it. Or risk going back and making it worse.

Which would eat into our revenue, given that too many people DON'T understand what they did wrong.

Or,,, we could go back, snag their past selves, bring them to the present and they could see the results of their actions! And then go back and fix it.
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post #23 of 96 (permalink) Old 04-28-2017, 08:42 AM
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Re: Why would a man not like his lady wearing sexy underwear?

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Any thoughts?
In my opinion if your husband has struggled in the past with erectile dysfunction, performance anxiety, and/or the two of you have had heated fights over intimacy in your marriage...

...odds are he DOES like you in the underwear, but he finds himself uncomfortable because of his feelings associated with the above. So it is a combination of him liking your underwear but also feeling anxiety at the same time because of the past. In that event he may want things visually simple to help keep the mood relaxed and as calm as possible.

Try this, take photos of yourself in very sexy outfits. Then be with him while wearing normal cloths or just being nude. Show him the pictures on your phone and ask him which ones he likes the best. This way he might be able to enjoy seeing you in sexy cloths and feel more in control/relaxed because he is simply looking at a photo. Try to steer the conversation into advocating for him to request you wear something he likes upon his request if he likes something a lot. This perhaps will help him feel more in control and alleviate any anxiety with unexpectedly discovering that you are wearing something sexy.

Hope that helps,
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post #24 of 96 (permalink) Old 04-28-2017, 08:43 AM
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Re: Why would a man not like his lady wearing sexy underwear?

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Also Curvy is great in my eyes there has to be some meat on the bones.
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post #25 of 96 (permalink) Old 04-28-2017, 08:43 AM
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Re: Why would a man not like his lady wearing sexy underwear?

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We'd have to limit it to ONLY people who knew WHAT they'd fked up and HOW they would fix it. Or risk going back and making it worse.

Which would eat into our revenue, given that too many people DON'T understand what they did wrong.

Or,,, we could go back, snag their past selves, bring them to the present and they could see the results of their actions! And then go back and fix it.

I know a guy who can also hook me up with 1.21 gigawatts of electricity so ...
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post #26 of 96 (permalink) Old 04-28-2017, 08:44 AM
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Re: Why would a man not like his lady wearing sexy underwear?

How my wife is feeling is more important than how my wife is looking. Actually, how she looks is reflected by how she feels. How she dresses is affected by her mood. Sometimes she wants to have a "sexy" look and sometimes she just wants to be "natural" (the most common setup)

I generally appreciate natural the most, but I can appreciate each equally. My preference is for her be comfortable in her own skin and to be completely free and uninhibited to express herself as she feels in the moment. During those times when it seems she is trying to hard and it's just not working, if I comment, it'll be something like "honey, I really do love you just the way you are and I am flattered by the effort you are putting into this." I wouldn't call anything she did "silly" even if that was my first reaction.

But some times we knuckle draggers forget to activate our filter and something insensitive sneaks out. Hopefully OP can tell hubby her motivation and expectations and he can be sensitive and receptive to her feelings in the process. It sounds like he needs to gain a little perspective regarding what his wife does and why. As a minimum, whether or not he is excited by the result, he should definitely be excited by the effort.
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post #27 of 96 (permalink) Old 04-28-2017, 08:58 AM
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Re: Why would a man not like his lady wearing sexy underwear?

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The last time I wore something sexy (it was a black baby doll see through affair) he laughed at me and told me not to wear it, it looks silly.
What an utterly ignorant, douche bag thing to say.

I've lost count of all the men over the years who have posted that they'd give their right arms for their wives to show a little initiative and do something sexy for them and this imbecile is mocking you when you DO try to add a little spice.

Seriously. He's a completely ungrateful ass-wipe.
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post #28 of 96 (permalink) Old 04-28-2017, 09:20 AM
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Re: Why would a man not like his lady wearing sexy underwear?

my $0.02. Maybe he thinks they are a waste of money? Why shell out $50 or $100 bucks for something that hits the floor in about 30 seconds after he enters the room? Especially since my W really complains about kissing/much touching on clothes.....

I don't really care either way for lingerie, as many men have said in this thread, a long t shirt w or w/o panties is as good as it gets for me. I do appreciate the effort of thinking to wear it
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post #29 of 96 (permalink) Old 04-28-2017, 09:28 AM
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Re: Why would a man not like his lady wearing sexy underwear?

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my $0.02. Maybe he thinks they are a waste of money? Why shell out $50 or $100 bucks for something that hits the floor in about 30 seconds after he enters the room? Especially since my W really complains about kissing/much touching on clothes.....

I don't really care either way for lingerie, as many men have said in this thread, a long t shirt w or w/o panties is as good as it gets for me. I do appreciate the effort of thinking to wear it
OMG this reminds me @peacem doesn't your husband get rather frustrated with you "shopping" for sexual related things and spending way too much money?

I bet he was not too thrilled either when the Womanizer W500 Pro Deluxe model came out in chrome... cause not only you had to have it, but he knows you'll break it and send it in for repair at the same time an even more expensive and better model goes on the market.



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post #30 of 96 (permalink) Old 04-28-2017, 09:30 AM
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Re: Why would a man not like his lady wearing sexy underwear?

As you can see, there are many men on this post who don't necessarily enjoy lingerie and would rather have their wife naked or in just a t-shirt. It is pretty common. I don't think there's anything wrong with liking lingerie or not liking it, it is simply a preference.

Women have preferences in this realm, too. As @alexm described when he put on the leather banana hammock, his wife was immediately turned off by it. Other women may have been delighted by it.

I've been with both types of men, those who LOVE LOVE LOVE the dress up stuff (up to and including all kinds of crazy accessories, not just lingerie, and role playing fantasy clothes for both of us), and those who don't notice sexy lingerie at all and just wanted it off my body. Those types considered the lingerie pointless and a waste of time and money and didn't prefer it on my body (feeling it detracted from my sexyness rather than added to it).

For me, the ones who want to play dress up are more fun. Because my preference is to keep mixing things up, and I love adorning our bodies with various things. So I prefer a guy who feels the same and wants to play like I do.

But my current boyfriend is more of the rather naked than play dress up type. So I've just been working with him on it. He may never truly enjoy me in my sexy wear as much as I enjoy wearing it, but he is at least willing to play with things like rope and other restraints. To me, that counts in the same category, because they are all simply tools to experience more attraction and pleasure, IMO.

He is also willing to let me adorn his body with sexy things, which is very fun for me. He enjoys the attention I give him when he's adorned like that, because it is new and different to him and not something other women in his experience have wanted to try. He enjoys how turned on I get by seeing him in something different...seeing his body's shapes be accentuated by novel and sexy garments is really exciting for me. I like the variety of it and the novelty. I also like that he is allowing himself to be vulnerable by letting me adorn him, as it is outside of his experience and he wasn't sure what the point of it is....until he experienced my reaction. He wasn't sure if he'd feel comfortable in these garments but did it anyway. He is now really opening up to more of this.

However...if I never brought it up again, he'd be fine with his original preference of us both being naked. (Though he would probably want to keep playing with the rope).

I don't think my boyfriend has any "hang up" about the lingerie on me. It is simply not his preference.

I suppose there could be more to it with your husband, but there probably isn't. As evidenced by the many responses here, it is pretty normal for some guys to not prefer lingerie.

I do think you should talk more to him and try to work with him, mostly just getting him to understand that his words have hurt you. But even if you get him to understand that....he's still most likely not going to prefer you in lingerie.

Remember the goal of feminism: Making sure only alphas get laid!
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