Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally? - Page 4
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Sex in Marriage » Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?

Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 01-10-2012, 09:40 AM   #46 (permalink)
Member
 
I'mInLoveWithMyHubby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,900
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by uphillbattle View Post
So I am assuming he knew before hand that you didn't want to give them and it wouldn't be a normal part of sex for you guys. Thats great. It wasn't that improtant to him so he could make that decision and feel happy with his sex life. What makes him happy is not necessarly the same for all people. Atleast he knew upfront and could make that decison, you where not misleading him in anyway and where forthcomming with that information.
My wife hates oral also. Although when we first got together she told me that she didn't mind so long as it went both ways. She had never been with a guy before that liked going down and was verry supprised that I enjoyed it as much if not more that recieving. At that point she told me she doesn't like it, long before I put a ring on her finger. I was able to make an informed decison on weather it was an important enough aspect to my sex life for me to continue with her for the rest of my life. This man was not afforded the same option.

What he values in his sex life is not for me to judge. I do belive that a healthy and satisfying sex life is a fundimental part of a healthy marrige. I also belive it is ones own opinion as to what a healthy and satisifying sex life is with thier partner.
Yes, it was important, but not at the top of the list. Not once did he get upset with me turning it down. He stopped asking all together and it became one of his fantasies.

Let me tell you, I was not comfortable enough to give oral until my husband and I were emotionally and physically connected to each other. Our bond is so strong right now, more so now then any other time in our marriage. We tried different ways in the past. I can not stomach semen. I've tried lubes and condoms for the pre ejaculation. I FINALLY found one I LOVE!!!! It's by ID Juicy Lube mint flavor. We use bj's as foreplay mostly.

It took a long time, but we worked through this as a team. My husband holds zero resentment towards me, ever. I'm sure he was disappointed, but he never showed. My husband truly loves me for who I am and not what I can sexually give. He is what you call a "nice guy". He has alpha traits, but not towards me. We communicate extremely well, we never argue. Since the increased sex between us, he has become extremely affecionate. We cuddle, hold hands, talk, ect.. every night for at least 1/2 hour(this does not include sex). My husband and I have always had a great relationship. We love to spend time with each other.

There must be more issues between you and your wife for you to feel the need of a divorce. BJ's alone is very shallow in my opinion. I'm not saying you are shallow as a person, it's a shallow reason. One thing that would make me want to do it less is if this act was suggested under demand. Even sex. My husband would feel the same way if the tables were turned. Neither one of us demand anything of one another.
Posted via Mobile Device
I'mInLoveWithMyHubby is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 01-10-2012, 09:43 AM   #47 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 343
Default

Uphill ... I don't think people are trying to devalue OP's feelings, but rather suggest his priorities are way out of wack if he's willing to destroy his family and abandon his children over whether or not his **** is getting sucked. It seems an extraordinarily immature outlook.

My guess, as has been suggested previously, his wife didn't stop doing it just because. There's likely an underlying issue here. Discover and address the issue, and the bjs may very well return.
Posted via Mobile Device
FrankKissel is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-10-2012, 09:47 AM   #48 (permalink)
Member
 
chillymorn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,962
Default Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?

Only you can make that decission.

if its truly important to you then you might want to leave your spouce but I would venture to say your not sexually compatible.
Its not the bj thing and if she really don't like giving them then they arn't worth getting.


never had a good blow job from someone who don't like to give them.its that simple some one who dose not like to give them are usually bad at giving them anyways.



also Its not very pleasurable recieving something so intimate from someone you had to force to do it.


you guys just arnd't compatible sexually.

it happens maybe it is time to move on.
chillymorn is online now   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-10-2012, 09:57 AM   #49 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: oz
Posts: 312
Default Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?

Quote:
Originally Posted by FrankKissel View Post
Uphill ... I don't think people are trying to devalue OP's feelings, but rather suggest his priorities are way out of wack if he's willing to destroy his family and abandon his children over whether or not his **** is getting sucked. It seems an extraordinarily immature outlook.

When you put it in those terms it does and yet, someone with a little more grace in writing style lets say SA comes on here and make it sound like unicorns and rainbows. The fact is she still canged up mid game and to him what she changed is more important to him than most of us.

My guess, as has been suggested previously, his wife didn't stop doing it just because. There's likely an underlying issue here. Discover and address the issue, and the bjs may very well return.

I do agree with this also but the way she framed it to him it wasn't put with that tid bit in there so what is he supposed to think.
Posted via Mobile Device
__________________
"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new."ALBERT EINSTEIN
uphillbattle is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-10-2012, 09:59 AM   #50 (permalink)
Member
 
that_girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Wherever I lay my head.
Posts: 10,286
Default Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?

People change. He can choose to leave her. Not my problem.

However, did he only marry her because she sucked his ****? If so, then yea, major deal breaker.

Did he talk to her BEFORE marriage about how important it was to him? Probably not. She has the right to not want to do it. He has the right to leave.

Doesn't mean it's a good decision.
__________________

Real women don't want flowers and chocolate.
They want vodka and Taco Bell.
that_girl is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-10-2012, 10:01 AM   #51 (permalink)
Member
 
2sick's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 389
Default Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?

Quote:
Originally Posted by thegreatwm View Post
Before anyone jumps on my case, I will start off with an analogy. Imagine that you bought a new car and you love it dearly. When you bought the car, the A.C. worked perfectly and it gave you no problems. One day, the A.C. stopped working and you found out that there was no way possible to repair it. Even though you love the car, you have to drive around unhappy and uncomfortable because you are hot due to the lack of A.C.. Would you continue to drive the car without the A.C. or would you trade it in for a new one even though you love your old one dearly?

This is how I feel about my wife. She is currently pregnant and I'm getting recovering from a masturbation addiction. When we first got married. My wife would give me BJs whenever I asked her. Usually she wouldn't do it if I didn't ask. Last year, every time I asked for one, she always made a stupid excuse such as her mouth hurts or she doesn't feel like it. Please keep in mind that I never ejaculated in her mouth.

Now, I understand that she is not always in the mood for sex (especially since she is pregnant) but she told me a couple months ago and she thinks BJs are disgusting and she doesn't want to give them to me anymore. I thought she was kidding but every time I asked about it, she gets really upset and defensive. She really stands her ground and refuses to satisfy me. This makes me upset because she used to give me Bjs before we were married and also during the first part of our marriage. I feel like I was scammed because I am young (28) and I can't imagine living my life without another BJ. If I was older, maybe I would be content with this but not at 28!

Now the issue is....What should I do? I really love her and we already have 1 son together. She is due to have the second baby in May. I have always did what she wanted to do sexually and I can't get anymore BJs? I help with chores around the house and I do everything a good man should but she neglects me on this. Like I mentioned before, I feel duped on the whole thing. The only option I think I have is to either leave her or either find someone on the side to satisfy me. She is a good woman and mother but I feel that she doesn't love me if she can't give me a bj. She knows that I am clean so there is no excuse for her not to satisfy me. I am also open to any tricks that anyone has that may change her mind and start to give them to me. I am thinking that if I can convince her that another women wants to give me one, she might submit on the issue. Please Help!
No offense...but...Are you really serious?!?!? You are going to tell your pregnant wife that some other woman would suck your D... and ya think that that would make your w want to?!?!?!? Ya right!!! I would say sure dear...and bite it off!!! She is pregnant and has hormones! Things that she used to love she might find nauseating for NOW. She is in her second trimester and probably freak'n miserable. If use to give you bj's before I'm sure after birth she will again. But shame on you, even questioning to leave your PREGNANT wife because you haven't gotten your d sucked for a couple of months?!?!?
2sick is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-10-2012, 10:05 AM   #52 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: oz
Posts: 312
Default Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?

Quote:
Originally Posted by I'mInLoveWithMyHubby View Post
Yes, it was important, but not at the top of the list.

That doesn't make it wrong to be at the top of the OP's list.
Not once did he get upset with me turning it down. He stopped asking all together and it became one of his fantasies.

Let me tell you, I was not comfortable enough to give oral until my husband and I were emotionally and physically connected to each other. Our bond is so strong right now, more so now then any other time in our marriage. We tried different ways in the past. I can not stomach semen. I've tried lubes and condoms for the pre ejaculation. I FINALLY found one I LOVE!!!! It's by ID Juicy Lube mint flavor. We use bj's as foreplay mostly.

It took a long time, but we worked through this as a team. My husband holds zero resentment towards me, ever. I'm sure he was disappointed, but he never showed. My husband truly loves me for who I am and not what I can sexually give. He is what you call a "nice guy". He has alpha traits, but not towards me. We communicate extremely well, we never argue. Since the increased sex between us, he has become extremely affecionate. We cuddle, hold hands, talk, ect.. every night for at least 1/2 hour(this does not include sex). My husband and I have always had a great relationship. We love to spend time with each other.

There must be more issues between you and your wife for you to feel the need of a divorce. BJ's alone is very shallow in my opinion. I'm not saying you are shallow as a person, it's a shallow reason. One thing that would make me want to do it less is if this act was suggested under demand. Even sex. My husband would feel the same way if the tables were turned. Neither one of us demand anything of one another.

I am verry glad things have worked out great with your husband, but agian your husband knew how you felt about it up front. It wasn't something that you dropped on him after the fact.

Posted via Mobile Device
__________________
"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new."ALBERT EINSTEIN
uphillbattle is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-10-2012, 10:13 AM   #53 (permalink)
Member
 
Cherry's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 2,161
Default Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?

The OP has another thread about being addicted to masturbation. I personally think the OP is addicted to sex. It was suggested in that thread that he see a therapist about it... Perhaps that would be a good suggestion here too as he is considering stepping out of his marriage for this one act of satisfaction, especially given the circumstances with his wife and her pregnancy. Good luck to the OP and his wife and kids
Cherry is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-10-2012, 10:17 AM   #54 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 4,911
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by FrankKissel View Post
Fortunately, there are plenty of women out there who don't view oral sex so crudely.
Posted via Mobile Device
Yes that right, with a man who does not view oral sex crudely. Women will give bj to some men and not others. If I were into wagering I'd say there are good odds that the OP would have similar problem no matter who he is with.

He is so anxious and out of control, not attractive. His wife will give to a man with more mastery over himself and his environment. She is testing him and he failed. I for one, want him to see it that way. He is in control, he needs to act like man a strong man as one of the posters said.

Let me ask - do you know men who have problems getting oral sex in repeatedly in their relationships and some who never have problems? Did it occur to you that it may be the man and not the woman?

Isn't that a more positive way of looking at it? That means that a man has some control over the outcome and it is not the stupid bait and switch garbage. You know many women because of the man you are and the quality of women you attract.
Posted via Mobile Device
Catherine602 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-10-2012, 10:26 AM   #55 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: oz
Posts: 312
Default Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?

I would like to say I am sorry for being a troll on this one. I have been watching my wife who is a master at making a point no matter how wrong she may be. I took what I see her do to me and tried to apply it to something I knew was wrong and wanted to see if I could pull it off. I think I have learned well from her. I won't do it agian on here. Once agian, sorry.

My honest opinion on the matter is, I wouldn't leave the woman I love while pregnant without her doing something verry drastic i.e. cheating or some form of abuse. If I had some type of problem, the time to act out on it would not be while she is knocked up and I think the OP should wait until things settle and bring up his concerns. She is your wife and is going through a hell of a time right now and your ONLY concern should be her and your children's wellbeing at the moment.
__________________
"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new."ALBERT EINSTEIN
uphillbattle is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-10-2012, 10:36 AM   #56 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 343
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Catherine602 View Post
Yes that right, with a man who does not view oral sex crudely. Women will give bj to some men and not others. If I were into wagering I'd say there are good odds that the OP would have similar problem no matter who he is with.

He is so anxious and out of control, not attractive. His wife will give to a man with more mastery over himself and his environment. She is testing him and he failed. I for one, want him to see it that way. He is in control, he needs to act like man a strong man as one of the posters said.

Let me ask - do you know men who have problems getting oral sex in repeatedly in their relationships and some who never have problems? Did it occur to you that it may be the man and not the woman?

Isn't that a more positive way of looking at it? That means that a man has some control over the outcome and it is not the stupid bait and switch garbage. You know many women because of the man you are and the quality of women you attract.
Posted via Mobile Device
Sure, sure, sure. Blame the man. He's out of control, yada, yada, yada.
Your theory might hold a sliver of truth here but for the fact the OP's wife did, at one time, give him oral sex. So the idea that it's a change in his attitude toward it that's causing her to stop seems far-fetched.

It's much more likely that something regarding her attitude changed. Perhaps she read how it's little more than providing one's mouth as a place for him to masturbate. That's such a positive outlook, after all.

To be clear, I don't think OP is dealing with this well. But it seems your kneejerk reaction everytime one of these threads pop up is the blame the man and make him out to be some kind of ogre.
Posted via Mobile Device
FrankKissel is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-10-2012, 10:51 AM   #57 (permalink)
Member
 
Jamison's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 995
Default Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cherry View Post
The OP has another thread about being addicted to masturbation. I personally think the OP is addicted to sex. It was suggested in that thread that he see a therapist about it... Perhaps that would be a good suggestion here too as he is considering stepping out of his marriage for this one act of satisfaction, especially given the circumstances with his wife and her pregnancy. Good luck to the OP and his wife and kids

Yep, I'm the one who mentioned it on page two, (See below) and I wondered if this might be what was going on.

"You said you're recovering from masturbation addiction. Maybe you are so focused on oral, because its become a need to replace the masturbation addiction? I know you had oral before with your wife I'm just saying its what you really seem to be more focused on that anything."
Jamison is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-10-2012, 10:53 AM   #58 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: oz
Posts: 312
Default Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Catherine602 View Post
Yes that right, with a man who does not view oral sex crudely. Women will give bj to some men and not others.

I find it kind of odd that you are speaking for yourself but claim to be speaking for the feelings of all women here. I have seen women on here every bit as crude as any man I know. Including your protrayal of the op.

If I were into wagering I'd say there are good odds that the OP would have similar problem no matter who he is with.

Agian another blanket statement. I once dated a woman who loved the taste of cum and would want to give me a bj several times a day. I don't think she cared how crude I was.

He is so anxious and out of control, not attractive. His wife will give to a man with more mastery over himself and his environment. She is testing him and he failed. I for one, want him to see it that way. He is in control, he needs to act like man a strong man as one of the posters said.

Where is the test in flat out telling somebody you don't like to give head and wont do it anymore? Although I do agree that he needs to be a strong man and maintain control.

Let me ask - do you know men who have problems getting oral sex in repeatedly in their relationships and some who never have problems? Did it occur to you that it may be the man and not the woman?

I have a problem with getting it in my relationship but that may have something to do with her father forcing it on her when she was young. Did I cause this is it my fault? Did I not come correct? Or is that just your only justification behind anytime a woman does something a man doesn't like? It couldn't possibly be anything other than the fault of the man?

Isn't that a more positive way of looking at it? That means that a man has some control over the outcome and it is not the stupid bait and switch garbage.

Right, because I am sure that never happens correct? There is not ever a situation where it doesn't happen. I will grant you that it is not every time but I am willing to bet it is a far higher % than you are willing to admit.

You know many women because of the man you are and the quality of women you attract.

I am not sure the point of this statement. A person can attract many good people, that doesn't always mean they make the right decision on who they decide to be with.
Posted via Mobile Device
Ok, I am not trolling on this one it made me laugh a bit so I needed to comment.
__________________
"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new."ALBERT EINSTEIN
uphillbattle is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-10-2012, 11:15 AM   #59 (permalink)
Member
 
Bottled Up's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: CT
Posts: 462
Default Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?

This thread is now just an ongoing argument amongst each other and I don't think the OP is even following it any more!!!
Bottled Up is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-10-2012, 11:28 AM   #60 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 19
Default Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?

I really appreciate all the responses here as it has helped me to evaluate myself better as well as my marriage. I don't want to appear as coming off as shallow because despite what some may think, I am not a shallow person. I did not marry my wife just because she gave me bjs. To be honest, they were mediocre but adequate when she tried. The Bjs were one of the perks that came with the package when I chose to marry her. Looking back, it was probably something that she did not like doing in the first place but I was too blind to see this before.

I never realized how important BJs were to me but when I look at the bigger picture, I don't see this ending well. First of all, I feel disrespected that she will even deny me bjs for an indefinite period. I'm sure everyone here has a favorite sex position/act that they enjoy. How would you like it if your spouse one day said that we are not doing X anymore because I don't like it? Like I mentioned before, I am only 28 and the idea of never getting a BJ for the rest of my life sickens me. I mentioned that I feel disrespected by this because if she feels that she has the power to take the BJs away from me, she will feel that she can remove anything out of my life that I love. What if she said that we can no longer have a tv in the house because she doesn't like it? Even though that sounds far fetched, I believe it falls under the same guidelines.

The next thing I don't understand is what my wife expects to happen if she doesn't give me anymore bjs in our relationship. Could any woman on this board tell me with a straight face that they can deny their husband bjs for eternity and not expect him to try to get them from someone else? Nobody is immune from temptation and these days, we are surrounded by sex and temptation everyday. The whole point of dedicating yourself to one person is to try to please them so they won't have to look for alternative places for pleasure. For example, if Hilary Clinton was already under the desk giving Bill bjs, there would have been no room for Monica to be there.

I have taken into consideration that my wife is pregnant and because of this, I will give her a pass for now. I have always satisfied her orally because I enjoy it as much as she does. Even if I didn't enjoy it, I would still do it for her because I know that she enjoys it and if I don't do it, someone else will. Just last night, I satisfied her orally and all I received in return was a HJ. I could have easily given myself a HJ so I don't believe that this was an equal exchange. I understand that people have suggest that I should wait until after she has the baby until I push the issue further. Can anyone honestly see this ending well? If she refuses to give Bjs when we had 1 child, why would she all of the sudden start giving them when we have 2 children and twice the chores? How long should I keep this on the backburner? After 2 or 3 years of not getting BJs, will I be totally immune to the desire of wanting them? I know I will look like a total @$$ if I drug my pregnant wife into sex counseling now so I guess my only option now is to wait and hope for the best...
thegreatwm is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Above and beyond fails... Dawn Marie Going Through Divorce or Separation 3 08-05-2012 11:49 PM
Do This If All Else Fails... DianaAgron General Relationship Discussion 19 04-27-2012 04:40 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 12:59 PM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.