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Old 01-10-2012, 11:42 AM   #61 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?

Whatever it is making your marriage miserable, I do hope you and your wife are able to work things out and compromise.

If she was giving you oral sex, then stopped. Something is going on. I would assume her needs are not being met, therefore your needs are not being met either. Maybe MC would help, especially one who deals with sex therapy.

It really sounds like your blaming your wife for this issue. Maybe you need to take a step back and look at the big picture. Figure out why it stopped. It sounds like she has lost trust in you. I can see this happening if you are pushy towards her. No one likes to be told what to do. Holding resentments against your wife is not helping. You do have a family to think about. I don't know the age of your children, but if they are young, they come first. I'm sure she doesn't appreciate the finger pointed at her when you tell her what she's doing is wrong.

Anyways, good luck working this out.
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Old 01-10-2012, 11:51 AM   #62 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?

Quote:
Originally Posted by thegreatwm View Post
I mentioned that I feel disrespected by this because if she feels that she has the power to take the BJs away from me, she will feel that she can remove anything out of my life that I love. What if she said that we can no longer have a tv in the house because she doesn't like it? Even though that sounds far fetched, I believe it falls under the same guidelines.
I don't think the TV is a good analogy though. If you wanna use TV's in your analogy, you could say we have 3 TV's in the house (aka sexual intercourse, HJ and oral)... She's going to take away one of those TV's now, but you still have the other two to watch Maybe it was your favorite TV, but can you not adjust to watching the others?

As others have suggested, maybe there are underlying issues with your wife. And if you think you're being an ass by dragging your pregnant wife to sex therapy, think how much of an ass you'll be for stepping outside your marriage. Besides, I for one didn't suggest bringing your wife to therapy, I suggested YOU go to therapy for it, if the therapist feels your wife can benefit, it will be suggested.

I hope you will keep reading and posting
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Old 01-10-2012, 11:51 AM   #63 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?

I think you are missing the bigger picture. You are so focused on the oral or the lack there of, that you're not really able see beyond that. So I doubt things will change for you.
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Old 01-10-2012, 11:58 AM   #64 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?

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Originally Posted by thegreatwm View Post
I really appreciate all the responses here as it has helped me to evaluate myself better as well as my marriage. I don't want to appear as coming off as shallow because despite what some may think, I am not a shallow person. I did not marry my wife just because she gave me bjs. To be honest, they were mediocre but adequate when she tried. The Bjs were one of the perks that came with the package when I chose to marry her. Looking back, it was probably something that she did not like doing in the first place but I was too blind to see this before.

I never realized how important BJs were to me but when I look at the bigger picture, I don't see this ending well. First of all, I feel disrespected that she will even deny me bjs for an indefinite period. I'm sure everyone here has a favorite sex position/act that they enjoy. How would you like it if your spouse one day said that we are not doing X anymore because I don't like it? Like I mentioned before, I am only 28 and the idea of never getting a BJ for the rest of my life sickens me. I mentioned that I feel disrespected by this because if she feels that she has the power to take the BJs away from me, she will feel that she can remove anything out of my life that I love.

I can absolutly understand you here, to change things up mid-stream sucks and in a way you can feel cheated. That being said, calm down until you have a rational talk about this.
What if she said that we can no longer have a tv in the house because she doesn't like it? Even though that sounds far fetched, I believe it falls under the same guidelines.

Really? The tv? You should have just stuck with the sex part because that is taking a big reach.

The next thing I don't understand is what my wife expects to happen if she doesn't give me anymore bjs in our relationship. Could any woman on this board tell me with a straight face that they can deny their husband bjs for eternity and not expect him to try to get them from someone else?

There is not a woman or man on here that shouldn't have the full expectation that their spouse won't cheat, no matter what they deny them. Now leaving them may be a differnt story.
Nobody is immune from temptation and these days, we are surrounded by sex and temptation everyday. The whole point of dedicating yourself to one person is to try to please them so they won't have to look for alternative places for pleasure. For example, if Hilary Clinton was already under the desk giving Bill bjs, there would have been no room for Monica to be there.

So by this logic she should be waiting at all hours of the day under his desk so he can relieve himself? Maybe he should I don't know, ummm being the commander in chief and all show a little bit of self control?

I have taken into consideration that my wife is pregnant and because of this, I will give her a pass for now. I have always satisfied her orally because I enjoy it as much as she does. Even if I didn't enjoy it, I would still do it for her because I know that she enjoys it and if I don't do it, someone else will.

You have that little faith in your wife that she would just up and cheat on you?

Just last night, I satisfied her orally and all I received in return was a HJ. I could have easily given myself a HJ so I don't believe that this was an equal exchange.

Really? She did do something to help pay you back and it wasn't good enough? Did you give her oral with the expectation that you would be getting it in return? If so, why? Doing things for your partner for the pourpose of something spicific in return will often lead you down the road of co-dependancy which is not healthy. You should do things for her because you love her. If she does not do things for you out of love and it becomes a trend then you have a right to complain.

I understand that people have suggest that I should wait until after she has the baby until I push the issue further. Can anyone honestly see this ending well? If she refuses to give Bjs when we had 1 child, why would she all of the sudden start giving them when we have 2 children and twice the chores? How long should I keep this on the backburner? After 2 or 3 years of not getting BJs, will I be totally immune to the desire of wanting them? I know I will look like a total @$$ if I drug my pregnant wife into sex counseling now so I guess my only option now is to wait and hope for the best...

When people have hormones raging through their bodies they change. This may blow over and not get any worse if you don't make a big deal about it when she is in her most volitle of states. She may go back to giving them to you. Give the woman a chance.
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Old 01-10-2012, 12:10 PM   #65 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?

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The whole point of dedicating yourself to one person is to try to please them so they won't have to look for alternative places for pleasure....
No disrespect here - but is this really how you view marriage?

The reason you decided to marry your wife is so that she would not have to look elsewhere for pleasure?

And if so - how are you doing?

And something more to think about....you mentioned that if she won't give BJs after one child - how could you expect her to give BJs after more than one child when there will be even more chores for her to do?

Why do you assume that all the chores of raising children should be hers?

If you've never been responsible for small children during the day - you have no idea the constant demands they place on a person. Yes - the obvious is that they cannot do anything for themselves, so they need her for all their needs. But beyond that - small children are grabby, clingy, drooly....those babies will be grabbing her boobs, her hair, her face, her hands, her legs....anything they can get their chubby little hands around. AND they will be rubbing their mouths all over her...she will have baby drool on her clothes, in her hair, down her shirt... And this is normal - that is life.

So now she comes to bed to rest - FINALLY a place to be a person and not just a tool for meeting somebody else's needs...

and what happens?

Her man wants to grab her boobs, her hair, her hands, her butt - he wants to run his mouth all over her... but the WORST part?

After an entire day of answering to Me! Me! Me!

She now has to hear ME! ME! ME! You need to do this for ME!

Ugh!
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Old 01-10-2012, 12:27 PM   #66 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?

Quote:
Originally Posted by thegreatwm View Post
I really appreciate all the responses here as it has helped me to evaluate myself better as well as my marriage. I don't want to appear as coming off as shallow because despite what some may think, I am not a shallow person. I did not marry my wife just because she gave me bjs. To be honest, they were mediocre but adequate when she tried. The Bjs were one of the perks that came with the package when I chose to marry her. Looking back, it was probably something that she did not like doing in the first place but I was too blind to see this before.

I never realized how important BJs were to me but when I look at the bigger picture, I don't see this ending well. First of all, I feel disrespected that she will even deny me bjs for an indefinite period. I'm sure everyone here has a favorite sex position/act that they enjoy. How would you like it if your spouse one day said that we are not doing X anymore because I don't like it? Like I mentioned before, I am only 28 and the idea of never getting a BJ for the rest of my life sickens me. I mentioned that I feel disrespected by this because if she feels that she has the power to take the BJs away from me, she will feel that she can remove anything out of my life that I love. What if she said that we can no longer have a tv in the house because she doesn't like it? Even though that sounds far fetched, I believe it falls under the same guidelines.

The next thing I don't understand is what my wife expects to happen if she doesn't give me anymore bjs in our relationship. Could any woman on this board tell me with a straight face that they can deny their husband bjs for eternity and not expect him to try to get them from someone else? Nobody is immune from temptation and these days, we are surrounded by sex and temptation everyday. The whole point of dedicating yourself to one person is to try to please them so they won't have to look for alternative places for pleasure. For example, if Hilary Clinton was already under the desk giving Bill bjs, there would have been no room for Monica to be there.

I have taken into consideration that my wife is pregnant and because of this, I will give her a pass for now. I have always satisfied her orally because I enjoy it as much as she does. Even if I didn't enjoy it, I would still do it for her because I know that she enjoys it and if I don't do it, someone else will. Just last night, I satisfied her orally and all I received in return was a HJ. I could have easily given myself a HJ so I don't believe that this was an equal exchange. I understand that people have suggest that I should wait until after she has the baby until I push the issue further. Can anyone honestly see this ending well? If she refuses to give Bjs when we had 1 child, why would she all of the sudden start giving them when we have 2 children and twice the chores? How long should I keep this on the backburner? After 2 or 3 years of not getting BJs, will I be totally immune to the desire of wanting them? I know I will look like a total @$$ if I drug my pregnant wife into sex counseling now so I guess my only option now is to wait and hope for the best...
I don't mean to sound like an a$$, but...You seem to be overlooking the fact that she did not like giving bj's even when you were dating...so why would you think she would want to after taking care of one baby, being pregnant with another? I am assuming that when you were dating and asking for bj's, you were probably being romantic and caring towards her, so she in turn felt the same to do for you...Are you being the same man to her now as you were back then? If not, then try to be that man...she will probably then become that woman again.

I actually understand your w's POV. I'm not much into oral on either side ( however h absolutely loves both). I will admit I do perform and receive frequently (not as much as he would probably like though) because he likes it, but also it's a give and take situation. Since you like analogies, it's like getting your kid to eat brocoli, they may not want to but if you entice them enough they will eat it.
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Old 01-10-2012, 01:17 PM   #67 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?

I wonder if this issue would bump-up the divorce rate.
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Old 01-10-2012, 01:40 PM   #68 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?

Seriously, if I hear one more ****ing person come on here and say you aren't putting in enough effort into your marriage. You need to make her feel this and that. You aren't considering her feelings, you need to make her feel special. I AM ****ING TIRED OF HEARING THAT ANSWER FOR EVERYTHING!!!

You know there are some of us out there that worship the ground our wives walk on. Would walk to the ends of Earth for them, even to the point of dying for them without question. Only to be greeted with hesitation and an inability to properly communicate after years of trying. I had asked my wife for bj's for years, sice before we were married. You know when I actually got my first one from her, that was without me begging and pleading for an hour or more? Last week after I spent 2 days sleeping on the couch because of her inability to give me what I need.

You know why most men give up romancing and doing things for their spouse? Because it never gets reciprocated, ever! You wonder why men have affairs on their wives. It is almost always because they are not getting something at home. Plain and simple. Most decent men would not go outside of marriage without being pushed to do so. I am in that group, but believe me I am so close to doing something I know I will regret. But enough is enough.

Why is the problem almost always put on the man's shoulders and women seem to get a free ride. I came here hoping to find some answers to issues that might be the problem. Only to have every single response to others that are having the same problems be placed back on me, or the poster. I am sick of it.

I have tried everyday to open a dialog, do things to entice and tease her and make my intentions known and make her feel special. Only to be greeted 9 out of 10 times with nothing. Nothing at all! Not even a hug and an I love you.

My advice is, for a young man, despite a child on the way. Your best decision may be to leave and find someone more compatible to you and your needs. For some reason the answers here are always the same. IF a woman doesn't want to do that anymore its your fault. If a man won't do something anymore or reveals how he feels about something he is an ******* and kick him to the curb. It would actually be nice if there was some one in here that wasn't an armchair therapist.

I am done my rant for the day.
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Old 01-10-2012, 02:12 PM   #69 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?

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Seriously, if I hear one more ****ing person come on here and say you aren't putting in enough effort into your marriage. You need to make her feel this and that. You aren't considering her feelings, you need to make her feel special. I AM ****ING TIRED OF HEARING THAT ANSWER FOR EVERYTHING!!!

Really? I see plenty of both sides. You sure you aren't just seeing what you want to see?

You know there are some of us out there that worship the ground our wives walk on. Would walk to the ends of Earth for them, even to the point of dying for them without question. Only to be greeted with hesitation and an inability to properly communicate after years of trying. I had asked my wife for bj's for years, sice before we were married. You know when I actually got my first one from her, that was without me begging and pleading for an hour or more? Last week after I spent 2 days sleeping on the couch because of her inability to give me what I need.

So, you knew that she wouldn't give them to you and you married her anyway? This does sound like your fault.

You know why most men give up romancing and doing things for their spouse? Because it never gets reciprocated, ever! You wonder why men have affairs on their wives. It is almost always because they are not getting something at home. Plain and simple. Most decent men would not go outside of marriage without being pushed to do so. I am in that group, but believe me I am so close to doing something I know I will regret. But enough is enough.

There was a post in the general discussion forum with the results from studies on why people cheat and of the many awnsers given, suprisingly few where a direct result of this.

Why is the problem almost always put on the man's shoulders and women seem to get a free ride. I came here hoping to find some answers to issues that might be the problem. Only to have every single response to others that are having the same problems be placed back on me, or the poster. I am sick of it.

The reason you get this is because you are the one here asking for advice. There are plenty of options that you can try and this place is not set up to give people advice, it's not here to validate your feelings. There is much good advice on here for the HD spouse as well as for the LD spouse, but the only person they can give advice too is the person here asking for it.

I have tried everyday to open a dialog, do things to entice and tease her and make my intentions known and make her feel special. Only to be greeted 9 out of 10 times with nothing. Nothing at all! Not even a hug and an I love you.

There are quite a few things here that may be the problem, but if you have tried all that you are willing to try then why the hell are you still with her?

My advice is, for a young man, despite a child on the way. Your best decision may be to leave and find someone more compatible to you and your needs. For some reason the answers here are always the same. IF a woman doesn't want to do that anymore its your fault. If a man won't do something anymore or reveals how he feels about something he is an ******* and kick him to the curb. It would actually be nice if there was some one in here that wasn't an armchair therapist.

The majority of the low drive spouses are women but I have seen plenty the other way around. Of the ones that are the male being the low drive I have seen few that have respoces that you decribe, can you post some for us here so we can see?

I am done my rant for the day.
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Old 01-10-2012, 02:28 PM   #70 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?

Well, Wantsmore, I'm sick of men *****ing about blow jobs. lol. So what. Doesn't mean they'll stop.

Also, for what it's worth, bjs made me ILL when i was pregnant. I don't know if it was the gag reflex of it, but man-o-man, I couldn't do them without vomiting. I'm back to normal now
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Old 01-10-2012, 02:33 PM   #71 (permalink)
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Also, for what it's worth, bjs made me ILL when i was pregnant. I don't know if it was the gag reflex of it, but man-o-man, I couldn't do them without vomiting. I'm back to normal now
Oh yeah...pregnancy throws EVERYTHING out the window. BJs made you ill and gag...but probably so did brushing your teeth, and eating cottage cheese, and smelling dirty laundry...

Pregnancy and probably the whole first year afterwards is a huge hormonal upheaval. Hard to predict what will be appealing and not from day to day...
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Old 01-10-2012, 02:35 PM   #72 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?

Yea, I couldn't drink coffee either. I live on coffee.

So...I dunno. Just my 2c.
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Old 01-10-2012, 02:39 PM   #73 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?

But that is the point. Really it is. If a man told his wife, I just licked you because I knew you liked it. I on the other hand hate it, always have. I am not doing it anymore. All of a sudden the man is a jerk.

I hate to say it but yes, I have a very high drive and so did she at one point. 3-4 times a day in the past, when we had the time for it. I just cant figure out why some women regress or stop putting in the effort into things they used to.

I mean seriously is it really too much for wife (or husband for that matter) to reciprocate to the other? I do things for her I hate doing but guess what, I do it anyway.

A few weeks ago I took oral off the table for her and you should have seen the reaction. Yeah, imagine my surprise when she told me she loves when I do that. I have been waiting to hear that for 15 years! Do you think a weekly or hell a really good monthly **** sucking is out of the question?

Seriously there are other issues at play and it is more then likely not from the husband. IF what he is saying is true about what he does for her.
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Old 01-10-2012, 02:47 PM   #74 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?

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I just cant figure out why some women regress or stop putting in the effort into things they used to.


Has your wife stopped doing some things for you sexually? If so, what has she said her reasons are when you have talked to her about how you feel?
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Old 01-10-2012, 03:08 PM   #75 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?

If he is throwing fits and withholding other sexual acts/intimacy from her, then why would she want to do it for him?

If he's keeping on with life as normal, I could see it being a better environment for suckin' deck.
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