Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?
I am always the initiator. She has not come asking for sex since we first got married. Maybe for the first 6 months or so. Fine I get it. But it was kind of nice to be jumped as soon as I walked in the door and be told I have been thinking about you all day. We didn't have kids for the first 4 years we were married, she would still do the things a wife should do for her husband in that time. After our kids came it seemed to all change.
Sexually she has never been the adventurous type. I have been the one to introduce new things. But that the new things to try ended years ago. Tried the toys, different positions, locations, sexy under wear, no under wear, XXX movies, racy novels, what ever I have tried it. Lately i have been sexting her and all I get is "grow up", you are too old for that. WTF! I sent her a sex charged email last week and that fell flat and backfired too.
The other night she tells me I am tired of everyone wanting a piece of me. The kids are always needing me, you want me, ect. Welcome to life! If you can't make time for your loved ones what else have to got? I have told her a long time ago to make time for herself, go out and do things by your self, or go out with a girlfriend. It never happens.
She really has let things go for herself. She doesn't go our of her way to do her hair, put make up on (never has really, doesn't need it), buy nice things for herself. Whatever, she stopped making an effort.
The last ditch effort I am trying is an "invitation" every week to try new things. Everything from talking about our fantasies to trying sex in a public place. All spread out through out the year. IN an attempt to awaken something she lost and I can't seem to help her find.
We tried to talk about fantasies and what we want to try and you know what I got? Nothing, I don't have fantasies, I don't think about such things, why do you always think about sex, I don't get all worked up like I used to. Until I gave up on it and rolled over and had a ****ty sleep.
I have been telling her for years she is sexy, i think she is hot, I love her, I need her, I touch, caress non-sexually, hold hands, hug her for no reason the list goes on. I told her I miss her doing these things and that was the reaction I got. Everyone wants a piece and I can't do it anymore. So I told her I don't know how much longer I can hold on and stay in a marriage that is like that. It is very frustrating to say the least.
Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?
Obviously women and some of the men here just dont get it. I am in a similar situation and I feel the same as OP. It's completely unfair to bait and switch on an issue as fundamental as BJ's. YES fundamental.
To a man BJ's are THE thing. If you state from jump you won't do them fine. If you give them out like candy before the ring and then change once you get married a man will absolutely feel duped and want to have his needs satisfied. Either by her or somebody else.
Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wantsmore
Seriously, if I hear one more ****ing person come on here and say you aren't putting in enough effort into your marriage. You need to make her feel this and that. You aren't considering her feelings, you need to make her feel special. I AM ****ING TIRED OF HEARING THAT ANSWER FOR EVERYTHING!!!
You know there are some of us out there that worship the ground our wives walk on. Would walk to the ends of Earth for them, even to the point of dying for them without question. Only to be greeted with hesitation and an inability to properly communicate after years of trying. I had asked my wife for bj's for years, sice before we were married. You know when I actually got my first one from her, that was without me begging and pleading for an hour or more? Last week after I spent 2 days sleeping on the couch because of her inability to give me what I need.
You know why most men give up romancing and doing things for their spouse? Because it never gets reciprocated, ever! You wonder why men have affairs on their wives. It is almost always because they are not getting something at home. Plain and simple. Most decent men would not go outside of marriage without being pushed to do so. I am in that group, but believe me I am so close to doing something I know I will regret. But enough is enough.
Why is the problem almost always put on the man's shoulders and women seem to get a free ride. I came here hoping to find some answers to issues that might be the problem. Only to have every single response to others that are having the same problems be placed back on me, or the poster. I am sick of it.
I have tried everyday to open a dialog, do things to entice and tease her and make my intentions known and make her feel special. Only to be greeted 9 out of 10 times with nothing. Nothing at all! Not even a hug and an I love you.
My advice is, for a young man, despite a child on the way. Your best decision may be to leave and find someone more compatible to you and your needs. For some reason the answers here are always the same. IF a woman doesn't want to do that anymore its your fault. If a man won't do something anymore or reveals how he feels about something he is an ******* and kick him to the curb. It would actually be nice if there was some one in here that wasn't an armchair therapist.
Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wantsmore
I hate to say it but yes, I have a very high drive and so did she at one point. 3-4 times a day in the past, when we had the time for it. I just cant figure out why some women regress or stop putting in the effort into things they used to.
I mean seriously is it really too much for wife (or husband for that matter) to reciprocate to the other? I do things for her I hate doing but guess what, I do it anyway.
A few weeks ago I took oral off the table for her and you should have seen the reaction. Yeah, imagine my surprise when she told me she loves when I do that. I have been waiting to hear that for 15 years! Do you think a weekly or hell a really good monthly **** sucking is out of the question?
Seriously there are other issues at play and it is more then likely not from the husband. IF what he is saying is true about what he does for her.
You just answered your own question.... You say you and your W had sex like rabbits back in the day, but you lead that statement with "when we had time"... Apparently y'all don't have time to do it like that anymore.
And why did it take 15 years for you to hear she loves when you perform oral? In 15 years, you never thought to have a chit chat with her about that? My H asks me sometimes, shortly after even, if I enjoyed that, and vice versa, I'll ask him
And when it comes to advice on here and anywhere for that matter, it is often suggested to look at what you are doing first... Often times, one has to look at themselves and their approach to things. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I came here complaining about my H always wanting sex years ago... I wanted advice on how to shut him up... Wow, was I surprised. Almost everyone who gave me advice told me to look at ME first... That's a concept I never even thought about. I soon discovered I was wrong in my approach, I was wrong in my communication with my H, I was wrong in expecting he be okay with my not wanting to have sex, etc... So like uphill suggested, the advice here actually goes both ways
Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?
Quote:
Originally Posted by sinnister
It's completely unfair to bait and switch on an issue as fundamental as BJ's. YES fundamental.
I'm not sure it was exactly bait and switch though. Someone told the OP it sounded like she was not into BJ's to begin with since she never did them first without him asking. The OP came back and said he knew this and married her anyway.
Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wantsmore
Seriously, if I hear one more ****ing person come on here and say you aren't putting in enough effort into your marriage. You need to make her feel this and that. You aren't considering her feelings, you need to make her feel special. I AM ****ING TIRED OF HEARING THAT ANSWER FOR EVERYTHING!!!
You know there are some of us out there that worship the ground our wives walk on. Would walk to the ends of Earth for them, even to the point of dying for them without question. Only to be greeted with hesitation and an inability to properly communicate after years of trying. I had asked my wife for bj's for years, sice before we were married. You know when I actually got my first one from her, that was without me begging and pleading for an hour or more? Last week after I spent 2 days sleeping on the couch because of her inability to give me what I need.
You know why most men give up romancing and doing things for their spouse? Because it never gets reciprocated, ever! You wonder why men have affairs on their wives. It is almost always because they are not getting something at home. Plain and simple. Most decent men would not go outside of marriage without being pushed to do so. I am in that group, but believe me I am so close to doing something I know I will regret. But enough is enough.
Why is the problem almost always put on the man's shoulders and women seem to get a free ride. I came here hoping to find some answers to issues that might be the problem. Only to have every single response to others that are having the same problems be placed back on me, or the poster. I am sick of it.
I have tried everyday to open a dialog, do things to entice and tease her and make my intentions known and make her feel special. Only to be greeted 9 out of 10 times with nothing. Nothing at all! Not even a hug and an I love you.
My advice is, for a young man, despite a child on the way. Your best decision may be to leave and find someone more compatible to you and your needs. For some reason the answers here are always the same. IF a woman doesn't want to do that anymore its your fault. If a man won't do something anymore or reveals how he feels about something he is an ******* and kick him to the curb. It would actually be nice if there was some one in here that wasn't an armchair therapist.
I am done my rant for the day.
I'm glad to see that I am not the only person dealing with this BJ issue. However, I have not been around this forum long enough to know that the typical response is that the man is/isn't doing something and that is why the woman regressed. It is good that she finally gave in and hopefully it continues for you. I know the BJ issue is small for some but it's not like I'm asking for blood diamonds from her. I am proud to say that I have never cheated on her and while I'm not perfect, I consider that I am good to her. I don't believe in stepping out of a marriage if all the needs are being met at home but of course, that is not the case right now A typical conversation on our issue usually does like this:
Me: Hey Baby, can you give me a BJ today?
Her: No.
Me: But why? You know that I am clean and that it isn't going to hurt either of us.
Her: Well I think that it is nasty and I don't want to do it at all forever. I just don't like doing it so don't push me and don't ask me anymore about it.
Me: Ok
As you can see, the conversations are usually one sided and I can't really get to the root of the issue in her mind. I think I'm too nice to sleep in another room especially since she is pregnant but I think I may just start denying her oral. She really enjoys it and it's something that she looks forward to. Maybe if I cut off her supply, she will start to see things from my perspective.
Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wantsmore
But that is the point. Really it is. If a man told his wife, I just licked you because I knew you liked it. I on the other hand hate it, always have. I am not doing it anymore. All of a sudden the man is a jerk.
Once agian, please site examples of this.
I hate to say it but yes, I have a very high drive and so did she at one point. 3-4 times a day in the past, when we had the time for it. I just cant figure out why some women regress or stop putting in the effort into things they used to.
I really never would have known from your last post that you where high drive. Really though for as many women who stop putting in the effort in the bedroom, there are just as many men who stop putting it in elsewhere. It is not gender spicific.
I mean seriously is it really too much for wife (or husband for that matter) to reciprocate to the other? I do things for her I hate doing but guess what, I do it anyway.
It really shouldn't be. Sometimes there is a good reason for it, others well, sometimes they just don't care. The trick is to be with someone who does care and everything can be worked on from there.
A few weeks ago I took oral off the table for her and you should have seen the reaction. Yeah, imagine my surprise when she told me she loves when I do that. I have been waiting to hear that for 15 years! Do you think a weekly or hell a really good monthly **** sucking is out of the question?
So she won't go down on you but *****ed that you wouldn't do so anymore? Funny as hell (not actually funny but you know what I mean).
Seriously there are other issues at play and it is more then likely not from the husband. IF what he is saying is true about what he does for her.
In the case of the op, he won't know if this is the case or not until her hormones get back into balance.
Thanks for the input guys. I really do love my family but when I think about this issue, it really makes me upset. When I look back in the past, I don't think she was the type to go around blowing guys and she only did it to me when I asked. If this was not in her character, she should have been up front with me before we got married. I have always practiced good hygiene and I have not gained any substantial weight since we got married. I agree with the people that said that she feels that since I have been with her for this long, the lack of bjs will not bother me.
On the other hand, does she seriously expect me to stay with her and be happy if she cuts me off like this? I'm sure most women on this board knows what their husbands like and dislike sexually. If you decide to cut him off one day because it makes you feel better, do you really expect him to not cheat/leave you because of this?
I will try my best to sit down and talk to her about this to see why she has stopped. Only she knows the truth and whether or not she only did it in the beginning because she wanted to keep me. It's so hard to discuss it with her because she always gets defensive and upset when I ask now. It does sound kind of shallow to leave her due to lack of bjs but her neglect can also mean that she has gotten too comfortable in our relationship and that she will start to neglect other things in our future.
Man, you just come across as some redneck hillbilly. For goodness sake are you seriously leaving a woman you love and your two kids coz you love getting blown soooooo much. You sound like 28 going on 15. Most/all guys like bj's but some have a deeper love for our spouses and family. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cherry
You just answered your own question.... You say you and your W had sex like rabbits back in the day, but you lead that statement with "when we had time"... Apparently y'all don't have time to do it like that anymore.
And why did it take 15 years for you to hear she loves when you perform oral? In 15 years, you never thought to have a chit chat with her about that? My H asks me sometimes, shortly after even, if I enjoyed that, and vice versa, I'll ask him
Umm yeah, been there done that. Do you not think I would have brought up sex and what you like in 15 years of marriage? Yeah I just thought about asking the other day.
What I meant by had the time was we made time. A quick one here, a quick one there, and at bed time a marathon of sweat and ecstasy. She just recently told me she loves getting her ***** licked until she can't take it. After asking her I don't know how many times in the last 21 years of being together.
Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?
Quote:
Originally Posted by thegreatwm
I don't believe in stepping out of a marriage if all the needs are being met at home but of course, that is not the case right now A typical conversation on our issue usually does like this:
Me: Hey Baby, can you give me a BJ today?
Her: No.
Me: But why? You know that I am clean and that it isn't going to hurt either of us.
Her: Well I think that it is nasty and I don't want to do it at all forever. I just don't like doing it so don't push me and don't ask me anymore about it.
Me: Ok
Your approach is pretty open and shut though. Can you bring it up at a better time? Say when the two of you are getting ready to do something sexual? Is that a conversation you just bring up in the middle of nowhere? And your reason's for wanting it are a little lame... Why not suggest you want her to do it because you love how her mouth feels on you and it's a feeling you miss, make it about her and how SHE makes you feel when it's happening. But of course, now is probably not a good time to bring it up, she's likely to come up with other excuses if she is just not wanting to do it. It is not fair what she is doing, I will give you that, but your approach doesn't seem fair either.
Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cherry
Your approach is pretty open and shut though. Can you bring it up at a better time? Say when the two of you are getting ready to do something sexual? Is that a conversation you just bring up in the middle of nowhere? And your reason's for wanting it are a little lame... Why not suggest you want her to do it because you love how her mouth feels on you and it's a feeling you miss, make it about her and how SHE makes you feel when it's happening. But of course, now is probably not a good time to bring it up, she's likely to come up with other excuses if she is just not wanting to do it. It is not fair what she is doing, I will give you that, but your approach doesn't seem fair either.
Thanks for the advice. I usually try to bring it up during sexual situations but I stopped because her attitude on the issue really kills the mood. We could be kissing and really intimate one minute and the next minute, she is scolding me for asking her for one. I guess I can work on my approach as well as my timing. Like I mentioned before, I will put the issue aside while she is pregnant and take advantage of this time to work on my own issues. Hopefully by then, she will have a change of heart.
Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally? 
