Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 01-08-2012, 11:25 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?

Before anyone jumps on my case, I will start off with an analogy. Imagine that you bought a new car and you love it dearly. When you bought the car, the A.C. worked perfectly and it gave you no problems. One day, the A.C. stopped working and you found out that there was no way possible to repair it. Even though you love the car, you have to drive around unhappy and uncomfortable because you are hot due to the lack of A.C.. Would you continue to drive the car without the A.C. or would you trade it in for a new one even though you love your old one dearly?

This is how I feel about my wife. She is currently pregnant and I'm getting recovering from a masturbation addiction. When we first got married. My wife would give me BJs whenever I asked her. Usually she wouldn't do it if I didn't ask. Last year, every time I asked for one, she always made a stupid excuse such as her mouth hurts or she doesn't feel like it. Please keep in mind that I never ejaculated in her mouth.

Now, I understand that she is not always in the mood for sex (especially since she is pregnant) but she told me a couple months ago and she thinks BJs are disgusting and she doesn't want to give them to me anymore. I thought she was kidding but every time I asked about it, she gets really upset and defensive. She really stands her ground and refuses to satisfy me. This makes me upset because she used to give me Bjs before we were married and also during the first part of our marriage. I feel like I was scammed because I am young (28) and I can't imagine living my life without another BJ. If I was older, maybe I would be content with this but not at 28!

Now the issue is....What should I do? I really love her and we already have 1 son together. She is due to have the second baby in May. I have always did what she wanted to do sexually and I can't get anymore BJs? I help with chores around the house and I do everything a good man should but she neglects me on this. Like I mentioned before, I feel duped on the whole thing. The only option I think I have is to either leave her or either find someone on the side to satisfy me. She is a good woman and mother but I feel that she doesn't love me if she can't give me a bj. She knows that I am clean so there is no excuse for her not to satisfy me. I am also open to any tricks that anyone has that may change her mind and start to give them to me. I am thinking that if I can convince her that another women wants to give me one, she might submit on the issue. Please Help!
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Old 01-08-2012, 11:38 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?

Not to minimize your situation - I'm sure it sucks, no pun intended - but are BJs really so important to you that you'd bail on your two young children over this?
Your frustrations are completely understandable, but the well-being of your kids should come first, you know?

And I sure hope no one here tries to link the well-being of children to whether or not dad is getting blown. Kids won't notice, and don't care, whether dad is sexually frustrated.
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Old 01-08-2012, 11:52 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?

Yes I`d divorce my wife if she bait and switched me sexually as you describe.

I would indeed try all I could to remedy the situation but ultimately I wouldn`t have married a woman who was sexually incompatible with me so I see no reason to remain with one who becomes sexually incompatible with me after marriage.

I most certainly wouldn`t act as if my kids were an anchor tying me to a miserable sex life.

I`d divorce and the reason I don`t think I`ll ever have this problem is that my wife knows I`d divorce.
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Old 01-09-2012, 12:07 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?

I would think that there is another issue that makes her feel not so willing to do this.

In the past, how much of you love making was oral? Could it be that she got to the point that she feels that's all you want?
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Old 01-09-2012, 12:16 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?

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I would think that there is another issue that makes her feel not so willing to do this.
There usually is another issue.
The lack of oral is usually a symptom of a larger problem and not the problem itself ..

BUT...

I did notice the OP stated he got oral "When he asked".
This leads me to believe she wasn`t really doing it because she liked it but because he wanted it.
After being married awhile she might just figure "What`s he gonna do now? He`s stuck"

Textbook bait & switch.

The OP would need to clarify his wifes past desire to have him in her mouth before I could begin to wonder if her lack of desire is only a symptom in this case.
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Old 01-09-2012, 12:44 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?

I really don't see this ending well.

You can voice your unhappiness, that you'll leave her because she doesn't give bjs...then she'll give them, but not willingly and it will be mundane and lacking passion. Not to mention she'll feel degraded and that she's easily thrown away for not giving bjs.

So you leave behind your family. For bjs. While I'm sure it's frustrating, I just can't imagine leaving my husband if he stopped doggy style (my fave).

If you choose to talk to her, it needs to be lovingly...not "you will give me bjs or i'll leave".

And sometimes mouths do hurt. I have TMJ and sometimes I'm just out of commission.

Also, how is your hygiene?
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Old 01-09-2012, 01:00 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?

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Originally Posted by tacoma View Post
There usually is another issue.
The lack of oral is usually a symptom of a larger problem and not the problem itself ..

BUT...

I did notice the OP stated he got oral "When he asked".
This leads me to believe she wasn`t really doing it because she liked it but because he wanted it.
After being married awhile she might just figure "What`s he gonna do now? He`s stuck"

Textbook bait & switch.

The OP would need to clarify his wifes past desire to have him in her mouth before I could begin to wonder if her lack of desire is only a symptom in this case.
There is a chance that she did it to please him but did not enjoy it. And over time it got to be point that it seemed like a chore and was unpleasant.

To say it's a textbook bait & switch implies that she only did it to get him and then stopped once she got him to marry her. It does not sound like that.
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Old 01-09-2012, 01:56 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?

Quote:
Originally Posted by tacoma View Post
There usually is another issue.
The lack of oral is usually a symptom of a larger problem and not the problem itself ..

BUT...

I did notice the OP stated he got oral "When he asked".
This leads me to believe she wasn`t really doing it because she liked it but because he wanted it.
After being married awhile she might just figure "What`s he gonna do now? He`s stuck"

Textbook bait & switch.

The OP would need to clarify his wifes past desire to have him in her mouth before I could begin to wonder if her lack of desire is only a symptom in this case.
You should have apps for that so you can just plug it in:
DIVORCE HER
BAIT & SWITCH
That's your answer to every problem. If every man took your advice the divorce rate would be 99%. There could be other reasons why this has happened and exploring them may actually help this man with his frusatrations.

If the problem has to do with a dynamic set up between them that is partically his doing, all of his relationships will end up in frustration. He can always divorce so what is the rusj.

Thegreatwm -

Ummm, let's see, a 28 yo man, with one marriage come and gone, with an emotionally distraught ex that he left with two kids in diapers, paying maintenance and child support, and with visitation every other week, looking for a woman to give him bj's on demand.

Does not look like a promising dating prospect. The question of why you left your wife may come up. You can lie but the fact remains that women with any common sense, will not find a man who leaves 2 young kids attractive.

You'er unhappy but you are not a man who should get himself in a position where he cannot be respected by women. That will make you even more unhappy.

The bj love thing - think about this rationally - is it love when you feel that seeking a sex act matters more than the pain and devastation of ditching your wife and kids?

No I don't think you are that person, a man who commits to a women and has two kids is worth something in this society. He has to know that but what happened?

Something more than bj is missing from your marriage. You sound as if you don't feel loved or respected. It may be easier to focus on bj and not other more serious issues.

Don't run from these problems. Try to work them out and work on being a man that garners respect and a partner willing to please him. Don't take your problems with you to the next relationship.

You don't seem to appreciate your wife and the lovely children you brought into the world. Step back and look at that. That does not solve your unhappiness but it may help you to stay and work on things.

That's the way I see it. But then again, I'm a women and I've never had bj's. Maybe they are like crack cocaine?

I just read your other threads - lots of problems. There are two sides to every story though. MC?
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Last edited by Catherine602; 01-09-2012 at 02:38 AM.
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Old 01-09-2012, 04:33 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?

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Thegreatwm -

Ummm, let's see, a 28 yo man, with one marriage come and gone, with an emotionally distraught ex that he left with two kids in diapers, paying maintenance and child support, and with visitation every other week, looking for a woman to give him bj's on demand.

Does not look like a promising dating prospect. The question of why you left your wife may come up. You can lie but the fact remains that women with any common sense, will not find a man who leaves 2 young kids attractive.
I love this! I doubt people who decide to walk think about how this set of facts would actually look on a dating website.

Quote:
You'er unhappy but you are not a man who should get himself in a position where he cannot be respected by women. That will make you even more unhappy.

The bj love thing - think about this rationally - is it love when you feel that seeking a sex act matters more than the pain and devastation of ditching your wife and kids?

No I don't think you are that person, a man who commits to a women and has two kids is worth something in this society. He has to know that but what happened?

Something more than bj is missing from your marriage. You sound as if you don't feel loved or respected. It may be easier to focus on bj and not other more serious issues.

Don't run from these problems. Try to work them out and work on being a man that garners respect and a partner willing to please him. Don't take your problems with you to the next relationship.

You don't seem to appreciate your wife and the lovely children you brought into the world. Step back and look at that. That does not solve your unhappiness but it may help you to stay and work on things.

That's the way I see it. But then again, I'm a women and I've never had bj's. Maybe they are like crack cocaine?

I just read your other threads - lots of problems. There are two sides to every story though. MC?
C602, I think you are absolutely right. If you are prepared to ditch your children over BJ's, you have problems. Big problems.

That said, I think the OP should feel he has the right to ask WHY his wife was willing to give him oral before, and now isn't, and to expect a full, honest and complete answer. By which I don't mean "I don't know" or "I don't feel like it any more".
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Old 01-09-2012, 05:21 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?

Thanks for the input guys. I really do love my family but when I think about this issue, it really makes me upset. When I look back in the past, I don't think she was the type to go around blowing guys and she only did it to me when I asked. If this was not in her character, she should have been up front with me before we got married. I have always practiced good hygiene and I have not gained any substantial weight since we got married. I agree with the people that said that she feels that since I have been with her for this long, the lack of bjs will not bother me.

On the other hand, does she seriously expect me to stay with her and be happy if she cuts me off like this? I'm sure most women on this board knows what their husbands like and dislike sexually. If you decide to cut him off one day because it makes you feel better, do you really expect him to not cheat/leave you because of this?

I will try my best to sit down and talk to her about this to see why she has stopped. Only she knows the truth and whether or not she only did it in the beginning because she wanted to keep me. It's so hard to discuss it with her because she always gets defensive and upset when I ask now. It does sound kind of shallow to leave her due to lack of bjs but her neglect can also mean that she has gotten too comfortable in our relationship and that she will start to neglect other things in our future.
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Old 01-09-2012, 07:38 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?

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I am thinking that if I can convince her that another women wants to give me one, she might submit on the issue.
Did you buy the car strictly for the AC?

And I'm excited to hear how this little scenario goes... I'd be falling at my H's **** if he somehow convinced me of this...

That said, that is not a good strategy at all. If anything, and you are serious about this and you are talking about ruining an entire family unit over BJ's, I would suggest you go get sex therapy with your wife... Explain what you explained here. I'm sure your wife and children deserve at least that from you before you ditch them for a woman who'll give you unlimited BJ's. And I do understand what you are saying, don't think I don't, but your children don't understand, and your wife probably doesn't understand the critical nature of this, or how it affects you. You need to explain it to her and find out what's really going on.
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Old 01-09-2012, 07:48 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?

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This is how I feel about my wife. She is currently pregnant and I'm getting recovering from a masturbation addiction. When we first got married. My wife would give me BJs whenever I asked her. Usually she wouldn't do it if I didn't ask. Last year, every time I asked for one, she always made a stupid excuse such as her mouth hurts or she doesn't feel like it. Please keep in mind that I never ejaculated in her mouth.
Well since you are basing your marriage on your lack of BJ's yes divorce her find someone who will satisfy this need for you. You even stated it was something she never did even in the beginning unless you asked, so it must be something she doesn't care for. Goodness forbid there is something you don't particularly care for, and she wants a divorce over it.
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Old 01-09-2012, 08:00 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?

I imagine if you don't divorce her now, she'll divorce you in a few years because she'll hate you by then. If my man even uttered the words "Another woman wants to" he would be sitting on the lawn with all his belongings. If you want to leave her, fine, that's your call. But don't try to manipulate her into doing it.
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Old 01-09-2012, 08:16 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I leave my wife if she fails to satisfy me orally?

JMO, but it sounds like you are looking for justification to step out side of your marriage, or maybe you already have, and feel a little guilt.

BTW, to say that you love your family dearly, but then say, you might find someone on the side to satisfy you, is just obsurd. You are wanting to be a cake eater. Divorce her so you can be free to get your oral needs met.
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Old 01-09-2012, 08:17 AM   #15 (permalink)
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I most certainly wouldn`t act as if my kids were an anchor tying me to a miserable sex life.
Really? Really? You place your desire to get blown ahead of the mental, emotional, social and financial well being of your children?
I'm not sure I could come up with many things less manly than that.
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