Hurra

My wife last gave me a BJ 4 years ago. The last time I gave her oral was a week ago which was the last time we had sex. Before that it was a month prior which was the second last time we had sex.

I want stop giving her oral. I don't want to say it's because she doesn't to me. It sounds selfish although I know better. I need a line that really gets her thinking. I know it sounds manipulative but the former approach will get her upset.

Maybe say that I'm not comfortable doing it anymore because I don't think she likes it, that she is letting me because she knows I like it. She will say she does like it and I ask if she even likes foreplay because she doesn't really seem interested in it. I don't want her doing something she's not comfortable doing.

Did I answer my own question?

3leafclover

I really hope what I'm gonna say doesn't come off like those supposed bisexuals who come to TAM and post all dramatically about how they just can't be happy unless they can double dip. That's really not me...

BUT, in all honesty, giving BJs is the one thing I really miss about sex with men. It was one of my very favorite things to do. I love, love, love giving oral to my SO, but she is more a giver than a receiver.

Catherine602

Hurra can you have a just oral session? Instead of having vaginal sex with after you give her oral, just have her give you oral.

A women who has had an orgasm is far more willing to do a lot of things. You can tell her before hand that it's oral night or day or afternoon what ever.

__________________
"Hey some guys need a book to find the G-spot. It was intuitive for me. Some take the road less travelled." Enthropy 3000

donny64

I don't know, a lot of what I saw in there seems like why females believe that men love oral, not why men actually do. I'd like to think I'm pretty darned self aware of why certain things drive me to act or feel a certain way. And I'm pretty sure that feeling dominant or her having to "submit" to me for me to "feel like a man". Nor do I want my woman to be "vulnerable" to me. And it has nothing to do with her "admiration" of my junk. From my standpoint, that is all a bunch of crap.

But, it does have something to do with "connection" and "percieved love". That I won't argue. There is a great connection to be found in someone giving in such a way that there's no return PHYSICAL satisfaction in it for them. Guess that's why I love to give her oral as well.

But, the fact is, it just feels great, and is a great visual as well (and us guys are very visual). It feels great because it's different, very different when a woman is good at it. And it feels great because I try to be very careful to not do anything that would hurt her or make it an unpleasant experience for her. So, in that regard she's in control, and I'm more or less "along for the ride". I can't thrust too much, or get out of control. And it brings about a long building, slow, intense orgasm at HER speed.

I could care less if she swallowed, though it certainly is a nice thought that she does not despise that part of me. But it is important to complete the whole "bj experience" to finish in her mouth. Because it takes that slow build up to orgasm, and finishes it at the same speed without interruption of thought or sensation. Slow, and intense.

The idea some have is because we men enjoy it because we can lay back and "be lazy" and not do anything is complete horse crap as well. We are always expending large amounts of energy to make sure the woman has an orgasm, as well as to get one ourselves. Most of the time, the man is thrusting (though some return thrusting is very nice), in some awkward or tiring position, and exerting ourselves. Unless she's on top, then roles are a bit reversed. I know that while my W "feels" tired after sex, it is never moreso than when she's on top and doing "all the work".

For some guys I agree it is a thing of dominance. But I think you have to already be sleeping with a guy who gets off on dominating a woman in many ways (sexual ways) for that to be so. If it's a "domination" thing, I think you'll see that domination clearly in other areas of the bedroom (or life) with the guy. I think most every guy enjoys a great bj. I don't think there are nearly as many as enjoy the whole "dominating" of their woman.

To me, it's also been a fairly accurate litmus test of sorts. I've been in relationships where bj's where either non-existent, or were only during the honeymoon phase. Then things turned to "that's disgusting" or "I just really don't like giving them, but did it for you" type of thing. The slowdown in sex almost always ineveitably followed. On the other hand, the one's who seemed to truly enjoy it, it seemed there never was much slow down in passion or frequency. It hasn't been 100% accurate, but pretty close. Like I told my buddy once..."show me a woman who doesn't want to give bj's or think they're disgusing, and I'll show you a woman who is going to stop sleeping with you when she has her hooks in you". Now, don't blast me for that, because I know there are exceptions. And I also know, as stated above, that sometimes it stops because the guy gets out of honeymoon phase (stops showering, manscaping, showing appropriate amounts of appreciation, etc). If I were a woman, I wouldn't do that any more than if my W stopped her landscaping or expected that after a long sweaty day without a shower.

It's a greatly satisfying, natural sex act for both parties in a sexually healthy, open, comfortable and reciprocal relationship.

I know my W enjoys giving them to me. She says she sometimes masturbates to the thoughts of doing so, and also texts sometimes about having a craving or desire to do so. That hasn't changed over time, so I doubt it is her blowing so much smoke up my rear end. I never "have to" ask for one. Though sometimes I do "crave" one myself, and will let that be known. Other than that, she's got me more than covered.

Hurra

The last time I asked for oral I was refused. That was right before sex a few months ago. I said to myself i would not ask again. Before marriage this was not an issue.

deejov

I agree with this, it can work quite well!! If you both enjoy oral, it's just another kind of sex night.

deejov

There is a HUGE difference between the two scenarios:

1) Asking her to please you, and she gets "no sexual pleasure"
2) Mutualy pleasing each other.

nader

Last night...

my wife worked late and I was asleep when she got home... and awoken by the most delightful sensation... out of the blue she had just started going to town on me, it must have been the best bj of my life. I've been 'woken up' on a few occasions but in those cases I was still half awake. This time I went from fast asleep to toe curling, consciousness-altering, pure pleasure.

When I finished, I asked her what that was all about.. because this almost never happens anymore. She said "I just wanted to do something nice... wanna mess around some more?"

So of course I rinsed off and went to work on her, despite being really really tired.

We've been squabbling alot, I think mostly because she's stressed with her schedule changing at work and not used to me being in charge of Isaac's bedtime routine.

It felt so good to score, when I wasn't even trying.

Waking up to a bj has to be my favorite sex thing ever.. or just my favorite thing ever, period.

Hurra

Our relationship especially in the sex department is give and take, I give and she takes. I always make an effort to make her feel good. Not so her making me.

All I can add to this is guys, most anyway, like receiving BJs. If there is a wife/gf out there who is not doing this for their guy, then know he is thinking about why you are not on a regular or occasional basis. And this may lead to actions he may not want to resort to.
Posted via Mobile Device

Catherine602

Hurra

You did not address the issue of oral night the way I suggested.

I did not mean you should ask her for a bj before sex but to suggest a night where you give each other oral. Her first then you.

Have you tried that? How do you think she would take that.

Another thing you can say is that asking for oral sex is something you would rather not do. But you realize she does not feel the same so you will wait for her to ask when she wants it.

It is not tit for tat or denying her. When she ask don't refuse. Perhaps she needs to know first hand what it feels like to ask for it. Very much different than he way you freely give to her .

there is nothing like personal experience to open ones eyes.

One other thing - never mention that you will be force to seek bj from someone else if she does not give. She may call your bluff and not give a bj or sex.

If you are that unhappy, hit this hard for a solution and if your best attempts don't work then consider leaving your marriage.

Don't cheat for a bj. That puts bj in the category of any mouth will do. That means that it is pleasure for you that you seek and you don't care who you hurt to get it.

If it means that much to you, make an orderly exit for the sake of your kids. There is no guarantee that the next woman in your life will be more forthcoming than you wife.

__________________
"Hey some guys need a book to find the G-spot. It was intuitive for me. Some take the road less travelled." Enthropy 3000