Diolay

If there is one thing I have noticed too is that people who put more emphisis ontheir social life, GNO etc, seem to do more damage than porn or any other thing. Even affairs. While these things seem to cause damage to relationships, it is often curable as both sides are more attentive to working it out. (This is apart from serial cheats).

However, party animals rarely admit they are the problem. That what they are doing is neglecting their partner. In their eyes, they seem to see it as they are spending time with their partner and doing their part in cementing the relationship. WHile in some circles, this may work, in many cases it doesn't.

One partner has a tendancy to feel that the person they are with is enough. They want to settle down, start a family and fall into the role of Mr and Mrs Citizen. The other partner isn't ready for this life and enjoy the bright lights, loud music and the social company of many friends. For them, friends become more important than their partner and place them first.

As the ressentment builds in one of the partners, the resistance grows stronger. The party animal begins to feel trapped and suffocates while the other partner feels neglected.

Once this happens, the relationship is doomed.

brendan

Counselling yesterday all but ended our marriage and the last 30mins was on how to sperate nicely and try to remain friends for childs sake.

A lot came out and she grilled us but was needed,

+ counsellor appologises for not talking abotut he sexless marriage issue earlier on.
+Counsellor says sex 5 times 3 years is very unhealthy and even though i had a 2 week cyber sex, sex text messaging thing with a girl the fact i never strayed in the last three years shows that i love my wife(hearing that was refreashing)

+ she asked wife if she think she could forgive me ever for text messasing cyber sex cheating, wife said NO

+ asked wife if marriage is over in her opinion, she says YES

+ Counsellor started to grill my wife which was good saying a lot of her excuses were not valid. eg. now she thinks she cant have sex because she is getting fat, Shes put on weight but only 80k.g. Counsellor says no offence to my wife but this is crap as i have a lot of fat girls on the books and they have sex like rabbits.

+said since counselling started 3/4 months ago she feels brendan has made more of an effort to change things that wife.

+the fact that we dont even snuggle in bed or kiss and cuddle is not very good at all as even the couples shes counselled that fight non stop always seem to forgive when in bed and cuddle up, says the ones that cuddle up at night in bed after argument are ones that survive.

+ wants us to prepare for breakup, wants one to move out if theres no more chance of us getting back together and preferably me in the hobby farm house as its high maintance and wife couldnt do daily chores, but wife says she will manage. to start with counsellor wants us to live close by for daughters sake.

+said there is no more she can do to save marriage and its up to us now but feels it may be over too, wants us to write a list of what the other person wants in the next few months eg. moving out/where to live etc and exhancge with eachother in a few days.

+says wife still has bad depression and wants her to see another specialist for a one off, says she is not over child hood issues. says im a concrete solid guy.

then i went to work and drove home in tears. will check in later then back in a few days....got to stay positive with my life though.

Zzyzx

Sorry to hear that your wife has chosen to deprive your daughter of her father at least some of the time rather than work on her end of the marriage. I know you did not want to go down that road, but it is what it is. Best wishes for an amicable divorce.

__________________
If you don't know me by now
You will never never never know me

chapparal

The good news is you are now on the road to finding a woman who knows what love means.

brendan

yes true - although hard to look at it like that at this stage.

counsellor wants us in next couple of days to write dot points on what we want when we split or what was needed if we try and be friends under the house for a while which she believes will not work and doesnt normally work.

by what we want i dont mean belongings i mean, who is to move out and when and responsibilities with daughter/work/bills etc.

brendan

we did this and have been getting on as friends well, but she said its over as she cant trust me after 2 weeks of sex mesaging, pleeeaaasseee - we had bigger problems than that one being the NO SEX.

on a different note i had a few beers with some boys last night and we spoke abotu how much sex they get, these guys were all ages and sizes from 18years old till 65. And they all get more or less nothing now. I couldnt believe it.

my mate who is 21 and been with girlfriend for 3 years only gets sex once a month (what the).

Ant the boys who were 50 and been married 25 years said about once very 2 to 3 months.....i was shocked.

i thougt i was like the only one, like once ever six months. whats wrong with these women. most are happily married but no sex.hmmm

chapparal

Divorce: Is it the Answer? - Focus on the Family

Did you buy the book at

Married Man Sex Life

brendan

thank am concentrating on daughter...she is moving out next week not far away.

very sad, but had to happen. we are having aughter 50/50.
we are being very nice to eachother at this stage and helping eachothr through t which i really respect her for that.

but fear she will play dirty like a lot of women do very soon, and have already over heard her friends on the phone say take him for everything hes got.