MSP

Brendan, it sounds like you need to up your alpha game considerably.

chapparal

And I'm wondering if, as happens here so often, the reason she doesn't need sex from you is because of the GNOs. I would be looking into that.

Sleepless_in_Vancouver

You are being self centered. Your needs are no more important than hers. You might feel your need is more realistic, but that does not matter. If your wife needed you to dress up as a hamburger and let her pour ketchup on you, it's still a need.

Think about your kids and your marriage. Your daughter does not deserve to be abandon because your wife is stubborn and you can't control your ****. (You still deserve to get your needs met- just not by makibg your daughter suffer.) Crawl back to her on your knees and beg her to go to counseling with you. Don't make excuses for what you did- you did it out of your own free will because you were selfish. If you knew the pain a divorce would cause your children, you would be in tears knowing you hurt then so much. Even though your wife is beubg a ***** to you, you still loved her once.

Find time to take your wife out to a club this weekend. You're going to go as much as she wants. Tell her all you expect in return is that she tries to have sex when she's comfortable. Dance dirty with her and flirt with her. Be nice to her friends and be involved with whatever group you are in, but pay special attention to her. Afterwards, ask her if thete's anything she wants to do and do it with her. (Movies, late night dinner, shopping, etc.) Then when you get home, tell her you miss seeing her happy and you want her to be happy again. Offer a massage or a shower. She might want to have sex after this, but don't ask for it or pressure her (best if you don't mention it at all). She will eventually.

The rest of the time, quit nagging her. Ask her politely for help doing housework. For example, if you're doing the dishes and she's on the computer, come behind her and massage her shoulders and say "honey would you help me with the dishes? I just want to talk, it's lonely in the kitchen." And just chat with her and have fun doing something together- I suggest getting in a water fight, because idk why but water fights and mud fights really people relax and sometimes leads to sex- but don't ask for it and don't get disappointed when you don't get it.

Then you need to apologize to your kids (can't remember if it's just your daughter or you have more). You almost tore apart their home and betrayed their mother for sex. Tnei don't deserve that. Take them and your wife our to do something fun. Depending on how old they are, you can ask them if they could do anything what would they do, then no matter what it is do it. I've heard that this is something marriage counselors use.

When you finally do have sex, be thankful. Tell her you want sex to be fun for her. What I did for my boyfriend is ask him what his fantasies were in the heat of the moment and said I want to fulfill all of them. We ended up sharing some of our deepest, darkest fantasies and having amazing passionate sex. This is after I just discovered he had been watching porn for almost a year behind my back and he found emails between me and a guy I met on craigslist to hook up with for sex and I had sex anxiety and having sex with me made him nervous. Now it's great. If we can do it, you can do it.
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warlock07

Ok, I don't remember the entire thread but this is a serious consideration now. She goes to GNO and she has 20-21 age friends? Recipe for disaster. 5 times sex in 3 years will be at the bottom of even low sex marriages. I can only think that there is a high possibility that she getting some on the side. This should be a major concern for you. These friends live a very single life and can be very bad influence on a married women. And the things she has a problem with you, point to that direction. All this time I was thinking your wife as someone who is very religious and repressed sexually. Her concerns with you tell me a different story.

Ever heard of Keyloggers?

brendan

sleepless in vancouver (your about 6 months behind) tried all that.

Warlock: havent heard of keyloggers but will look into it.

Her firends all have boyfriends, sometimes they go out clubbing sometimes not. But they have no house/child/responsibilities. I know she isnt cheating. Not she isnt religious, just doesnt get horny anymore and has depression. BUT has so much energy for those nightclubs, not often.only once a month or so but its always on my weekend off....not good.

anyway. another big fight last night and now she is putting our fights on facebook (very mature) its starting to get ugly. NOt sure what i should do, possibly rent a place down the road for the time being. She blames the 2 week cyber sex for our split 95% of problem. I said i think it contributed for sure but only 10% as have no sex and wilfe wasnt willing to talk o even answer emails.

Sleepless_in_Vancouver

Seriously? Women need girl's nights out. Men have football games and bars and barbecues. I think being suspicious of her hanging out with friends is controlling and unhealthy. I wouldn't encourage that behavior.

I'm 20 and have two friends brenden's wife's age. I've studied with them, played board games and watched movies with their friends, been invited for a hair dye night and once had an alcoholic hot chocolate. My bff had friends even older thsn that n they do nothing bad together. Who in their right mind would go on a girl's night out to have sex?? Ditching your friends to get laid is rude!
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Zzyzx

sleepless, you're the one not being realistic here. I agree that divorce is no good for the kid and that Brendan should be trying everything from his end from that point of view. But a reconciliation requires *BOTH* parties to play and she is clearly in total denial of her part in the destruction of their marriage. That doesn't spell someone who's willing to step up to the plate.

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chapparal

If your suggesting GNOs, as in girls going out night clubbing where people are drinking and guys and girls are trying to get laid, then no, married women do not do that unless they no longer want to be married. You have a lot of growing up to do. Experience is the best teacher and I have a lot of that.

chapparal

You may have answered this already but what type of birth control does she use?

Have you been here?

Married Man Sex Life

tacoma

Is it wrong that I find this strangely exciting?

brendan

she doesnt and hasnt used birth control for a year, doesnt need too.

chapparal

The reason I asked is there was a thread here about a long term birth control med that completely wiped out a wifes sex drive. Even after it was stopped.

Diolay

It's really impossible to give exact advice here without hearing from theother side. Always 2 sides to every storey, but if what you're saying is true, this marriage is doomed.

The only thing that's keeping you together is Brenden. If you don't call it quits, she will. It's only a matter of time and who gets in first.

My suggestion is you be the first one. (It will probably come as a relief to her anyway). That way, you'll regain your self esteem and take back control of your life.

As for Sleepless, she's being sarcastic. A mini ha haa if you like. Please don't take her too serious.

warlock07

Your post reeks of utter right wing feminism. Sex is an integral part of a marriage. He should not have to jump through hooplas to have sex with his wife. That guy had sex 5 times in 3 years!! Haven't you read his posts at all?

Saying this is utter immaturity and lack of empathy on your part. Especially from YOU!!!

brendan

thats right diolay.

two sides two every story....

eg. wife wants to go out nightclubbing this saturday night and me have daughter. i said this is bull****, you always go out on my weekends off. so she tells her friends im angry thats she going out and now friends think im a sook, doesnt explain im angry the fact its always on my weekend offf.....

anyway, we are off to our possibly last marriage counsellor session today, a 2 hour session. everything has to come out. but we are both not wearing our rings now and all but over. will be interesting.

i do love my wife, well the one i was with for 4 years before marriage day. we do live a pretty cruisey life but not healthy as married couple. i want it to work but dont think it will whilst she has this depression and world is against me attitude and in a sexless marriage