Do you have inappropriate sexual fantasies - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

View Poll Results: Do you have inappropriate sexual fantasies
Yes 29 63.04%
No 13 28.26%
neither answer applies 4 8.70%
Voters: 46. You may not vote on this poll

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post #61 of 80 (permalink) Old 05-20-2017, 03:21 PM
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Re: Do you have inappropriate sexual fantasies

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rocky Mountain Yeti View Post
Really? Who's to say that there's anything inconsistent about Diana's statement?

Think about it logically for a minute--the better one's real life is, the less call there is for fantasy. If Diana's fantasy life is limited, it may well be evidence that her sex life is actually better than everyone else's here. She may well be the most satisfied person on these boards. The greatest source of unhappiness is want. If she is without want, I say hallelujah, more power to her, and we should all be so lucky.

I certainly don't feel the need to belittle such a person. Where does such a motivation come from, anyway?

She has made posts in which she claims to have a great sex life. You've obviously missed them. Not too many define great sex life within such narrow parameters and that is what is inconsistent.

You are quite wrong about the better ones sex life is irl, the less call there is for fantasy. The mind can take us places the body can never go. Should my husband feel inadequate because he doesn't have tentacles?



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Talk about close encounters of the third Kind! More than a fantasy, it seems to be more as a great start to a future Sci-fi X-rated blockbuster movie.
There is an entire erotica genre that features tentacles. I, personally, am a little grossed out by the thought of such penetrative protuberances but for those who are into it, they are really into it. Look in the NonHuman subsection of that website that offers free erotic literature.

"Some women are blessed with multi-orgasmic ability for a reason and I'm damn sure not going to waste a blessing" ~FrenchFry

"Vaginas are tricky creatures." ~Lucy999
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post #62 of 80 (permalink) Old 05-20-2017, 07:09 PM
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Re: Do you have inappropriate sexual fantasies

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Originally Posted by Anon Pink View Post
She has made posts in which she claims to have a great sex life. You've obviously missed them.
Nope--haven't missed them. In fact, my post was made based on her claims. I have no less reason to believer her claim than yours or anybody else's. What works for her works for her, just as what works for you works for you.


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You are quite wrong about the better ones sex life is irl, the less call there is for fantasy.
How can I be wrong about something that is so subjective and varies from person to person or couple to couple? I didn't say that's the only way, just that that way makes logical sense. If rl is awesome, why fantasize? I know that when things are frequent and hot between my wife and me, my mind wanders a whole lot less than when frequency and/or variety is suffering.

But please note, I don't mean to project this on to everyone. It's just how things work for me. Diana took some heat for the idea that she was projecting her vision onto everyone. You are doing the same thing by asserting that your way of fantasizing is universally the most fulfilling. If there's anything people should pick up from TAM forums, it's the wide variety of needs and responses of its members. We are not all alike.
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post #63 of 80 (permalink) Old 05-20-2017, 07:20 PM
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Re: Do you have inappropriate sexual fantasies

Yes. Both sexual and nonsexual.
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post #64 of 80 (permalink) Old 05-21-2017, 04:27 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Do you have inappropriate sexual fantasies

If body modification technology gets better, things are going to get really weird. (though maybe quite entertaining for people into the exotic).



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Talk about close encounters of the third Kind! More than a fantasy, it seems to be more as a great start to a future Sci-fi X-rated blockbuster movie.
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post #65 of 80 (permalink) Old 05-21-2017, 06:38 AM
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Re: Do you have inappropriate sexual fantasies

I believe everyone with a high sex drive fantasizes whether it's inappropriate or not depends on the individual.

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post #66 of 80 (permalink) Old 05-21-2017, 07:44 AM
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Re: Do you have inappropriate sexual fantasies

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Originally Posted by Holdingontoit View Post
I used to have many inappropriate fantasies. Because I fantasized about having sex with my wife. And her enjoying it. Long after it was clear she did not want to have sex with me and did not enjoy it on the rare occasions when we did. Now I have stopped having these inappropriate fantasies. I don't fantasize about sex with my wife. I fantasize about sex with other women. Because while I suspect they wouldn't want to have sex with me and wouldn't enjoy it, I don't know that to a moral certainty. With my wife, I do. So I don't.
You need to turn that fantasy into a reality Dawg. In my view it wouldn't be cheating. For a man to cheat on his wife, he has to have a wife to cheat on. You don't have a wife.

If you don't embody controversy, what you say will become just another part of the media driven culture of stifling thought and debate about issues.
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post #67 of 80 (permalink) Old 05-21-2017, 08:52 AM
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Re: Do you have inappropriate sexual fantasies

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Originally Posted by Rocky Mountain Yeti View Post
Nope--haven't missed them. In fact, my post was made based on her claims. I have no less reason to believer her claim than yours or anybody else's. What works for her works for her, just as what works for you works for you.
[sarcasm on] I am a great cook! When I do a rib roast it is perfect! Perfectly well done with not a hint of pink anywhere. Pink in cooked meat means it's not cooked long enough so I make sure all the beef I cook is well well done! [/sarcasm off]

Anyone who cooks a rib roast well done should be shot!



Quote:
How can I be wrong about something that is so subjective and varies from person to person or couple to couple? I didn't say that's the only way, just that that way makes logical sense. If rl is awesome, why fantasize? I know that when things are frequent and hot between my wife and me, my mind wanders a whole lot less than when frequency and/or variety is suffering.
How do you think that variety happens? Creativity and imagination?

You are wrong because you stated that it would be a logical conclusion that having a good sex love would mean there was less call for fantasy. That is a statement generalizing that those who have a rich, varied and imaginative fantasy must therefore have a dull sex life and the truth is that creativity and willingness to experiment go hand in hand with a great sex life. See Dan Savage and the 3 G's

Quote:
But please note, I don't mean to project this on to everyone. It's just how things work for me. Diana took some heat for the idea that she was projecting her vision onto everyone. You are doing the same thing by asserting that your way of fantasizing is universally the most fulfilling. If there's anything people should pick up from TAM forums, it's the wide variety of needs and responses of its members. We are not all alike.
Please quote where I said that anyone who doesn't have fantasies with tentacled aliens must have a crappy sex life? She took some richly deserved heat because of her judginess and her propensity to moralize. If she wants to moralize, she should stick to the religion forums.

"Some women are blessed with multi-orgasmic ability for a reason and I'm damn sure not going to waste a blessing" ~FrenchFry

"Vaginas are tricky creatures." ~Lucy999
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post #68 of 80 (permalink) Old 05-21-2017, 08:57 AM
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Re: Do you have inappropriate sexual fantasies

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Originally Posted by peterrabbit View Post
I believe everyone with a high sex drive fantasizes whether it's inappropriate or not depends on the individual.

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Frequent fantasizer here, and while I'd construct a tinfoil helmet if colleagues were able to see my dark side, I don't consider my thoughts "inappropriate". I quite enjoy them actually therefore I answered NO on this poll.

That being said incest and violence are definitely not my thing. I WERE into those things I probably would have answered YES.

Hmmm alien tentacles....? Intriguing. I'd put that in the "appropriate but unlikely" category. And like Anon Pink, I probably wouldn't want that to occur IRL!
We happened to have the movie "Prometheus" going in the background last night...I guess I can see the appeal of those alien tentacles lol. BUT I could also see the appeal of the INCREDIBLY attractive cast.....oh my...where's the fire emoji?
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post #69 of 80 (permalink) Old 05-21-2017, 09:05 AM
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Re: Do you have inappropriate sexual fantasies

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Originally Posted by Anon Pink View Post
[sarcasm on] I am a great cook! When I do a rib roast it is perfect! Perfectly well done with not a hint of pink anywhere. Pink in cooked meat means it's not cooked long enough so I make sure all the beef I cook is well well done! [/sarcasm off]



Anyone who cooks a rib roast well done should be shot!











How do you think that variety happens? Creativity and imagination?



You are wrong because you stated that it would be a logical conclusion that having a good sex love would mean there was less call for fantasy. That is a statement generalizing that those who have a rich, varied and imaginative fantasy must therefore have a dull sex life and the truth is that creativity and willingness to experiment go hand in hand with a great sex life. See Dan Savage and the 3 G's







Please quote where I said that anyone who doesn't have fantasies with tentacled aliens must have a crappy sex life? She took some richly deserved heat because of her judginess and her propensity to moralize. If she wants to moralize, she should stick to the religion forums.


Amen!
:-D


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post #70 of 80 (permalink) Old 05-21-2017, 05:50 PM
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Re: Do you have inappropriate sexual fantasies

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She took some richly deserved heat because of her judginess and her propensity to moralize. If she wants to moralize, she should stick to the religion forums.
And right here you have what it all boils down to. The whole debate over the importance of fantasy relative to rl is nothing more than a side show.

The fact remains that we're all different. It makes perfect sense to me that I don't fantasize as much when rl is hot. Fantasy, by its very nature seeks to find something that is lacking in rl. I get your point that some things are simply not possible in real life, or at least not wise, so fantasy can be a healthy way to approach and sample those things. Trust me, I get it. But for me, if I'm truly satisfied, I have less propensity to seek such things. You are obviously different, reaching for more even when satisfied. Which was my whole point. What's logical for you isn't logical for everyone. While you and Diana may be at opposite ends of the religious spectrum, you have a lot more in common than you're willing to admit, both projecting that your thought process is the only one that makes sense.

My statement was perfectly logical. But that doesn't mean I meant to apply it universally. If there's anything we should pick up from these discussions, it's that relationships, romance, sex, etc. are all hardly logical. They are emotional, whimsical, hormonal, etc. If everyone did what was logical, these threads would cease to exist, or at least be very boring.
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post #71 of 80 (permalink) Old 05-21-2017, 07:39 PM
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Re: Do you have inappropriate sexual fantasies

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Originally Posted by Rocky Mountain Yeti View Post
And right here you have what it all boils down to. The whole debate over the importance of fantasy relative to rl is nothing more than a side show.

The fact remains that we're all different. It makes perfect sense to me that I don't fantasize as much when rl is hot. Fantasy, by its very nature seeks to find something that is lacking in rl. I get your point that some things are simply not possible in real life, or at least not wise, so fantasy can be a healthy way to approach and sample those things. Trust me, I get it. But for me, if I'm truly satisfied, I have less propensity to seek such things. You are obviously different, reaching for more even when satisfied. Which was my whole point. What's logical for you isn't logical for everyone. While you and Diana may be at opposite ends of the religious spectrum, you have a lot more in common than you're willing to admit, both projecting that your thought process is the only one that makes sense.
I'm frustrated because I can't seem to make myself understood wrt to fantasy so I will try one last time.

It's perfectly fine that your fantasies play a larger role when you sex life is lacking. Your sexual energy gets used up when your having an active sex life so your sexual fantasies are far from your mind. There is nothing wrong with that, but not everyone experiences their fantasies in relation to real life.

Sexual fantasies do not seek to find something lacking in our sex life. Nor are they wishes for things we can't have, although sometimes a fantasy is a wish for something we can't have. I can't be 25 again! Sexual fantasies are simply another avenue to experience our sexuality. They are creative and our imaginations build them with instantaneous physical feedback by arousal when we think of things that turn us on. A fantasy is simply a more developed sexual thought. Whether one has a kicking sex life or not, a creative imaginative person who enjoys their sexuality will continue to have sexual fantasies.


Quote:
My statement was perfectly logical. But that doesn't mean I meant to apply it universally. If there's anything we should pick up from these discussions, it's that relationships, romance, sex, etc. are all hardly logical. They are emotional, whimsical, hormonal, etc. If everyone did what was logical, these threads would cease to exist, or at least be very boring.
Exactly, sex isn't logical.

Actually, no Dianna and I have very little in common.

"Some women are blessed with multi-orgasmic ability for a reason and I'm damn sure not going to waste a blessing" ~FrenchFry

"Vaginas are tricky creatures." ~Lucy999

Last edited by Anon Pink; 05-21-2017 at 07:44 PM.
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post #72 of 80 (permalink) Old 05-22-2017, 07:31 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Do you have inappropriate sexual fantasies

This thread yet again shows that sex and sexual thought are very different to different people.

That's fine, but I think it underlies a lot of communication issues.
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post #73 of 80 (permalink) Old 05-22-2017, 11:55 AM
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Re: Do you have inappropriate sexual fantasies

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I'm frustrated because I can't seem to make myself understood wrt to fantasy so I will try one last time.
If it's any consolation, it seems understanding is coming, albeit after some frustration. It seemed at the start that you were very pointedly linking active fantasy to a well rounded sex life, regardless of who is living that life. If that was a misinterpretation on my part, I apologize.

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Originally Posted by Anon Pink View Post
Sexual fantasies are simply another avenue to experience our sexuality. They are creative and our imaginations build them with instantaneous physical feedback by arousal when we think of things that turn us on. A fantasy is simply a more developed sexual thought. Whether one has a kicking sex life or not, a creative imaginative person who enjoys their sexuality will continue to have sexual fantasies.
Very well explained! Thank you for coming around to this clarification. I believe I understand, and agree, but only up to the last sentence, which seems like another projection. All who know me call me creative and imaginative, and I most definitely enjoy my sexuality. At times I have had fantasies that would stack up to anybody's in the creative and imaginative departments. But that is not always the case. There are long periods when fantasy is largely absent from my sex life, but that doesn't mean I stopped having a fertile imagination, or that I was at all lacking in my appreciation of my sexuality.

Thanks again for putting up with me and taking the time to clarify.

Oh, and I really like tentacles -- so long as they are part of ojingo bokum (Korean hot and spicy stir fried squid). Fortunately, unlike sexual fantasies, I can get that any time I want.
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post #74 of 80 (permalink) Old 05-22-2017, 04:49 PM
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Re: Do you have inappropriate sexual fantasies

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There are long periods when fantasy is largely absent from my sex life, but that doesn't mean I stopped having a fertile imagination, or that I was at all lacking in my appreciation of my sexuality.
You know, this really resonated with me. Once I started heavy BDSM, I was totally in the moment. I didn't need a fantasy when I was being flogged, whipped, etc, or doing those things. I totally get that. Those activities kept/keep me completely present.

With that said, when I'm only engaging in regular rough sex, the fantasy stuff does kick in.
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post #75 of 80 (permalink) Old 05-22-2017, 05:44 PM
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Re: Do you have inappropriate sexual fantasies

Nope I don't consider my sexual fantasies inappropriate just fun

The real question is do others consider them inappropriate...probably so but doesn't matter to me. My sexuality belongs to me alone
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