Re: Intimacy and Resentment
AW, from the way you wrote, you did start by having a sexual relationship with your wife that you were happy with. Does she acknowledge that her sex drive is lower than what it was before? It sounds to me like you and your wife could benefit from marriage counselling - if only to help you to address difficult issues without one of you becoming defensive.
At a practical level - three things come to mind that impacted significantly on my desire to have sex in the early years of my marriage. (These were all temporary and/or easily addressed, and we have gone on to enjoy a well-matched and suitably enthusiastic sex life ....)
1. Birth control - what is your wife using? Certain oral contraceptives can have a significant impact on sex drive. The impact for me is so significant that if I take them, then I become almost completely disinterested. Just a comment here - the absence of desire (and any causal relationships) are not always as objectively obvious to the woman as you might think. It took me several months to figure out what my problem was (and it wasn't until I spoke to someone with similar issues, that I did). If your wife can see that her sex drive has decreased, perhaps she could talk to her gynae/GP about this being a possibility and whether it might be worth looking at other options?
2. In my experience, any kind of outside stress can be a HUGE factor. The most effective form of birth control I have ever encountered was undertaking home renovations. We went from a respectable 3-5 times a week to probably less than twice a month ... for most of the 8 months of the project. It did affect both of us, but it definitely impacted on me a lot more. Again, because it may seem as though the overall stress impact is being managed overtly, it isn't always that easy to notice a causal relationship with one's own sex drive. If you go away, or are on holiday, does your sex life improve significantly?
3. Pregnancy concerns - If you are not actually trying to have baby, then it may be that she has concerns (even subconsciously) that she might fall pregnant, when neither of you are ready for that yet. If as relatively "new" newlyweds you are getting the "When" question from others family and friends, then this is probably not helping either. And I will say that, in my experience, worries about pregnancy affect one's entire sex drive, not just the penetrative part. So, suggesting part/alternative delivery - whilst it appears to be a logical solution, isn't necessarily going to solve the problem.
My suggestion would be to talk to your wife, not as much about how her refusing you sex makes you feel (because guilt is not necessarily a good way to start this conversation), but more about how you just don't have as much as you used to. And that you miss that. And to continue working on meeting her emotional needs. (It took me a long time to understand the incredibly negative effect that refusing my husband sex was having on him and our relationship. Maybe some people find it easy to see beyond "I don't feel like it" to "But I can want it, if I focus on the man I love" to the bliss that lies at the end. Sadly, I took longer.)
“I have learned now that while those who speak about one's miseries usually hurt, those who keep silence hurt more.” ― C.S. Lewis
FINE PRINT: My post is simply my own opinion (unless indicated otherwise). Which I believe I am entitled to express, as best as I can.