I get it - I do. You feel like what I wrote was unfair. I've tried to explain it better below. And I believe the way you responded is selective. You ignored the comment about validating her treatment of you by marrying her. Instead of saying: gosh I guess I created this, you respond with - gee I guess I'm going to have to create the passion in the marriage.
You knew what she was like when you got engaged and then married her. Your current resentment implies otherwise. That seems dishonest to me. And you seem uninterested in considering how that might seem to her. Did you overtly lie to her? I imagine not. But the way you describe the sequence of events, you deceived her regarding what was ok/not ok behavior in a core area by not resolving it pre marriage.
And when you say you've already discussed this with her several times, I believe you. But that's AFTER exchanging vows.
If M2 had married me, then turned around and said: MEM, you need to be much more ambitious in your career, or I won't be happy with you. I would have said: Why didn't you say that before we exchanged vows?
My commentary on extracted quotes. Your quotes are below.
1. This is nice guy double talk. No one does zero for a partner in a marriage. This type statement allows you to interpret what you meant very broadly after the fact. Not good.
2. This is a clear, concise statement of the issue - well said.
3. Connect this statement with (4). Because in (4) what you describe is one sided. Why I said the request is for more one sided stuff.
4. See comment above
5. This - compared to (1) above creates confusion.
1. It's not that she never does things for me, though.
2. I should be clear of that. We typically have penetrative sex every week or two.
3. Honestly, that would be fine if she were willing to do other things more regularly. Maybe that's something I need to emphasize with her.
4. In reality, we have intercourse weekly or bi-weekly, depending on what's going on. She will "take care of me" in other ways maybe once a month.
5. I do worry how she reacts, probably overly so, but that's my own baggage. She is actually quite conscientious about my reactions and responses in other areas, but there's a block when it comes to sex.
Explain where I did "classic nice guy double talk." (I get the sense that whatever this is bothers you deeply) You're making a lot of strong claims, and I'm not sure this maps on faithfully to what I've expressed here. I'd debate whether I've been dishonest with my partner. In my original post, I shared that we have had some conversations about this already. Could we both be more open and explicit in our conversations? Of course, that's a good next step. Also, it's feasible that my partner could treat my emotional needs with a higher priority than my sexual needs. That's what I was trying to express.
How did you get that I want "one way sex on a routine basis?"
"Actually dealing with the issue" is what I've been trying to do. I love and have loved my partner enough that I'm willing to accept some level of incompatibility, and work towards good compromises elsewhere. That's a difficult process, and the reason I posted.