Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
After 7 years of trying to get my husband interested in having sex with me, from waking him with oral sex, naughty outfits, nude photos in lunch box, attempts at role playing, suggestions of sex night, trying new things on my sex to do list, asking about everything from 3somes to watching or making porn together... He expressed that he dreaded having sex with me and has always done a good job of keeping busy, having company or feeling under the weather...
I was blessed my parents have since provided me with a variety of toys to keep me happy and to prevent his frustrations I have traded something sexy and see through for wearing his pj pants while wandering around in the evenings, Since we havent shared a bed now in over 9 years.
Just this morning he talked to me about sex, asking why I have quit sending nude photos via text... and get dressed as soon as he enters the room for his sleeping shift. He accused me of cheating on him, after all I have recently agreed to a divorce. I simply told him that I was sorry for my advances over the years, with all the rejection I am more than happy to take care of myself and asked if sex was something he now desired...he said he missed my attempts
Overly excited I got ready for a full evening of oral, vag and Anal sex to learn he is once again not interested...
Should I pursue a sexual relationship, Should I attempt to talk if we get a moment with out company... or should I just admit defeat... I fear I am confused with his mixed signals
Yes my Parents have provided me with toys (sex toys) because dear when you express a concern for sexual needs and frustrations to your mother, haha she assured me that they will cover me while in my youth but warned me of post menopause sexual peak for women... Rather thankful I am 20 some years away from that yet...
I am rather confused about my husband lately... he has always been a hard one to figure out. Sexual issues are just one of several issues that I have taken care of myself...
My attempts to understand the mixed signals of todays conversation (really nothing more than a 5 min mention) but I wanted to know... if possible what I should take that as... and what my reaction/ actions should reflect...
I am sorry to say that rarely does he make time to communicate with me so I fear clearfying is out of the question...
My agreeing to a divorce is rather a ploy... if you do so take it that way to determine my worth (for it seems I have had none for the last 9 years) and is a response per a request that is 4 years in the making... I believe that I owe him to do what he feels in his best interests
Also having gotten married young, All I know of adulthood is my day to day routine and centers around his cares above all else... work kids home... although I have with everything else a well practiced balance.
Also I fear the actions and down right refuse to take part in the activities of others in their 20's and even 30's... My husband always saying I should have married a man in his 50's
He said he dreads it, That the more I want it the less he wants it. That I strip him of feeling manly with my requests and advances.
I thought with taking a careless attitude towards sex it would allow him to take action and be the one to have the thought... sending hints like nude texts... and taking showers at his shower time with the hope of him joining me... sleeping nude and so on...
that was going on 4 years ago... then today this spark of hope after agreeing to a divorce (after christmas to not disappoint the children) and have omited my usual attempts during a period of 2 weeks
Men don't just dread sex without another reason behind it. Was he abused as a child? Is he not attracted to you? Just seems odd.
In any case...if my husband said he dreaded sex with me and we weren't intimate in 9 years and I was jumping through hoops to get his attention, I'd be GONE.
Then I'd jump through some hoops to some hottie who could appreciate my sexuality with me
Wait, he said you strip him of his manliness when you make advances...so you stop and he complains you aren't making advances? Then accuses you of cheating...
He's either 1. Crazy or 2. Cheating on you. Is that possible?
It is just the way he always has been, I am thankful that he has given me the children... I fear that I have guilt in my selfishness for the past, had he requested we no longer watch a tv show because he dreaded it... would I not follow his wishes... I have taken steps to take care of myself... also causing issues with him because of the way it feels... upon occasion when caught, but expressed that I was sorry but that it was needed and my have to be tolerated.
I exercise often and try my hardest to be attractive at all times with out making him feel bad.
I have mentioned his relationships with male friends fear that may have been a factor, but he assured me not.
I more than anything wondering what I should make of his mention... and my actions...
For if he indeed desires a divorce it would be improper to send nude photos and what not...
I guess anything is possible, however it would have had to be occurring for the entire length of our marriage... 10 and a half years last month... since I was 17 and he was 19...
Any chance he could be gay? (either openly, or not admitting it to himself)
It is a serious question. Many gay men would fit your husbands description - they married young and had kids - all in an effort to prove to someone (themselves or others) that they are not gay. And in their marriages they are healthy but not much interested in sex with their wives (though they do it and do want the kids). I've known such a couple where he didn't come out to her until they were divorcing with 3 kids.
My husband is child like and doesnt much care for the children... I did ask for them and I take sole care for them thankful to have them...
I have asked him, indirectly several times esp this last year since his friend has escaped the grasp of his wife. His attention to his friends son far outweighs the love for his own children so that the children take note and my oldest get frustrated with my explanations calling them excuses for daddy.
Although I drove myself to the hospital and took care of the children while my extended family were on their way take them for me... he did come while I was having our latest but was too busy talking on phone with his friends soon to be wife about wardrobe for their(his friend and soon to be wife) up and coming wedding to take notice...
We also visited the hospital when their son was born and get them costly gifts and supplies while I am rather content with the yardsale stuff I am able to provide... I am also removed from the home while they are over. This leads me to believe that the problem is indeed me even though other than her and his mother he seems to have a general dislike of all women, but me esp. Not in my favor is the fact that his mother is very openly against me and has been trying since the date we got married to get us to divorce... wearing black to morn our weddin...Thankful that I am useful and needed he requires a great deal of care and I am described as "low maintenance"
Talk of sex with-in Marriage 
