Can't sleep after sex - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 50 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 11:51 AM Thread Starter
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Can't sleep after sex

One of the reasons my wife gives for not wanting sex is that she cannot sleep well afterwards. Its true - even if we have sex early in the evening she will get to sleep just fine, but then wake up very early (like 3am) and not be able to sleep afterwards.

Most people sleep well after sex. Has anyone else experienced this?
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post #2 of 50 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 12:00 PM
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Re: Can't sleep after sex

Yes.

But not consistently. Sometimes yes, sometimes no.

When it's no, it's because she still has something on her mind (not related to our relationship, just the other aspects of life, kids, her extended family, her social group, financial decisions, etc). Sometimes the sex is just a temporary respite from life and as soon as the afterglow dims, all those pesky thoughts come back in.

If she sleeps immediately, and well, afterwords, it's because her mind was already at peace beforehand.

Does your wife tend to overthink things or dwell on external influences?
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post #3 of 50 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 12:01 PM
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Re: Can't sleep after sex

Have sex at 3am. Might as well if you are up...
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post #4 of 50 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 12:01 PM
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Re: Can't sleep after sex

Ambien.

Darling it's better down where it's wetter, take it from me! --- Sebastian
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post #5 of 50 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 12:08 PM
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@uhtred I'm confused. I think you have said that she no longer has sex with you, she just gives you a hand job?

What happens with her body during "sex"? I assume you get her off by oral or toys?

Is this the sex she cannot sleep well after?
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post #6 of 50 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 12:22 PM
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Re: Can't sleep after sex

Try melantonin.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

~ Abraham Maslow
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post #7 of 50 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 12:24 PM
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Re: Can't sleep after sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by uhtred View Post
One of the reasons my wife gives for not wanting sex is that she cannot sleep well afterwards. Its true - even if we have sex early in the evening she will get to sleep just fine, but then wake up very early (like 3am) and not be able to sleep afterwards.

Most people sleep well after sex. Has anyone else experienced this?
Have sex in the morning.
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post #8 of 50 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 12:26 PM
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Re: Can't sleep after sex

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Originally Posted by Faithful Wife View Post
@uhtred I'm confused. I think you have said that she no longer has sex with you, she just gives you a hand job?

What happens with her body during "sex"? I assume you get her off by oral or toys?

Is this the sex she cannot sleep well after?
I was about to respond as well, but thanks for pointing this out FW as it changes my viewpoint...

Perhaps this is an instance where it is more about "anxiety" and not really about sex.
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post #9 of 50 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 12:42 PM
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Cool Re: Can't sleep after sex

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Originally Posted by uhtred View Post
One of the reasons my wife gives for not wanting sex is that she cannot sleep well afterwards. Its true - even if we have sex early in the evening she will get to sleep just fine, but then wake up very early (like 3am) and not be able to sleep afterwards.

Most people sleep well after sex. Has anyone else experienced this?
I have not slept well at all since my 2011 separation and subsequent divorce from my RSXW! But during my marriage to her, I absolutely slept like a baby, more especially after sex!

And since I've been in a celibate state ever since, I don't really have anything to weigh that against!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html
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post #10 of 50 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 12:44 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Can't sleep after sex

Yes. She just gives me HJs - except as I mentioned in another thread, she gave me a BJ last weekend - to my complete surprise - she normally hates that.

In general though I use toys / vibrators / oral / fingers - whatever she feels like at the time. She almost always has an O, occasionally 2. They are usually pretty intense, and the more intense they are, the more difficulty she has sleeping.

Whats odd though is that she sleeps OK early in the night, but wakes up later.





Quote:
Originally Posted by Faithful Wife View Post
@uhtred I'm confused. I think you have said that she no longer has sex with you, she just gives you a hand job?

What happens with her body during "sex"? I assume you get her off by oral or toys?

Is this the sex she cannot sleep well after?
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post #11 of 50 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 12:45 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Can't sleep after sex

She does tend to stress a lot about things - even very minor things. She doesn't say so, but maybe she is over-thinking after sex?

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Originally Posted by Rocky Mountain Yeti View Post
Yes.

But not consistently. Sometimes yes, sometimes no.

When it's no, it's because she still has something on her mind (not related to our relationship, just the other aspects of life, kids, her extended family, her social group, financial decisions, etc). Sometimes the sex is just a temporary respite from life and as soon as the afterglow dims, all those pesky thoughts come back in.

If she sleeps immediately, and well, afterwords, it's because her mind was already at peace beforehand.

Does your wife tend to overthink things or dwell on external influences?
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post #12 of 50 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 12:46 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Can't sleep after sex

We already get up at 6am to get to work. I'd be happy to wake up earlier for sex, but I'm sure she wouldn't. She knows she is welcome to wake me for sex anytime she wants, but has never done so.

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Have sex in the morning.
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post #13 of 50 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 12:55 PM
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Re: Can't sleep after sex

I guess I should have asked if this inability to sleep a general phenomenon or is itonly after sex.

Maybe she's actually getting wound up, but not satisfied?
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post #14 of 50 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 01:32 PM
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Re: Can't sleep after sex

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Originally Posted by Fozzy View Post
Ambien.
Cognac. Remy Martin preferably.
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post #15 of 50 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 02:00 PM
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For probably the past 2 years or so my wife has a "hard time sleeping" after sex. She'll almost immediately get up and go out and watch tv. She really seems to enjoy sex at the time so leaving is just an odd thing to do considering she always goes to bed by 8:30 or 9:00. I've asked her numerous times why she keeps doing this and she says it's because she's wide awake. Once in a while, as a way of experimenting, before she could get up I'd say I'm going to go watch tv. She's never said anything like "I'm awake too. I'll go with you". She stays in bed and is asleep 15 minutes later. This tells me that she isn't really wide awake but has regrets or resentments that she doesn't want to bring up. Her way of dealing with it is to be away from me. In my opinion it's just another sign of a dysfunctional marriage. I'm pretty much done with it and have begun detaching from her.
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