Fetish behavior - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 47 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 12:20 PM Thread Starter
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Fetish behavior

Can anyone explain to me what a fetish is and why people have them? What are acceptable fetishes and what is not?
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post #2 of 47 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 12:37 PM
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Re: Fetish behavior

I think the simplest way to describe it is a sexual obsession with an object or a specific part of the body. It doesn't seem to be nearly as common as fantasies. I've come across a very small number of people with fetishes, in heterosexual men it's almost always a foot fetish.

The one guy I asked about it was able to point to a specific childhood experience that lead to his obsession with small, perfect feet. Like some fantasies, I think the underlying excitement created by the object/body part is the result of some sort imprinting from childhood experiences.

As to what is acceptable, I think that depends wholly on whether the expression of that fetish negatively impacts others. For example, nothing wrong with an obsession with men/women's dirty underwear unless you're actually stealing people's underwear to satisfy your need or your preference is children's dirty underwear. That would be sick!
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post #3 of 47 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 12:49 PM
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Re: Fetish behavior

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Originally Posted by urf View Post
Can anyone explain to me what a fetish is and why people have them? What are acceptable fetishes and what is not?
Acceptable are not illegal and enjoyed and agreed upon with your partner.

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post #4 of 47 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 12:56 PM
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Re: Fetish behavior

I see a kink as something that is not a very common sexual activity that you enjoy, but that is not necessary for you to enjoy sex.

I see a fetish as the same thing but where you need it in order to enjoy sex.

So, someone who sometimes like to be spanked has a kink. Someone who can only enjoy sex when they are spanked has a fetish.

As far as what is OK, I go with safe / sane / consensual. If it doesn't harm anyone, is not a result of real mental illness, and both partners enjoy, then its fine. The biggest issue with fetishes though is that you need to find someone compatible because they are *necessary* for your enjoyment. Even a fetish that you are willing to humor once in a while can get very old if you have to do it every time.
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post #5 of 47 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 01:00 PM
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Re: Fetish behavior

From dictionary.com:

noun
1.
an object regarded with awe as being the embodiment or habitation of a potent spirit or as having magical potency.
2.
any object, idea, etc., eliciting unquestioning reverence, respect, or devotion:
to make a fetish of high grades.
3.
Psychology. any object or nongenital part of the body that causes a habitual erotic response or fixation.

Personally everyone I hear use the word seems to use it differently.

I call my preference for a specific body type (athletic) in a female to be a fetish. After all, those parts of her body are not her genitals, so why should it matter.

It is often used to indicate a type of action. My wife associates pain with sex. Not too much, but a little. She is a masochist. Most people consider that a fetish. Also bondage, and those have nothing to do with specific body parts.

The list is long, and I guess the word is just used to indicate something that turns someone on that is not run of the mill boring stuff.
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post #6 of 47 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 01:11 PM
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Re: Fetish behavior

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Acceptable are not illegal and enjoyed and agreed upon with your partner.
Who gives a crap if an activity is legal or not if it is between consenting adults?

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post #7 of 47 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 01:40 PM
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Re: Fetish behavior

Well, most things are legal now. Even anal sex in most first world countries, since 2013.

That's a fetish too. Butt not one I'm in to.

And there are professionals who spend years trying to figure out why people have the fetish preferences they have, to no avail.
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post #8 of 47 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 01:42 PM
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Quote:
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Acceptable are not illegal and enjoyed and agreed upon with your partner.
Who gives a crap if an activity is legal or not if it is between consenting adults?
Well I was thinking more along the lines of people who have kid or animal fetish. Yeah I agree anything else goes really
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post #9 of 47 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 02:37 PM
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Re: Fetish behavior

The word fetish is greatly misused in language. It does have a technical meaning which has been explained, but it is also used to describe anything that is not typical vanilla sex.

I like the more classic definition.
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post #10 of 47 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 02:40 PM
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Re: Fetish behavior

My wife likes vanilla ice cream, as long as I leave it on long enough to make it sting some. But maybe that's too vanilla.
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post #11 of 47 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 02:41 PM
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Re: Fetish behavior

I though a true fetish the person needs(what ever they like ) that kind of stimulation to actually orgasm. Its the only way the can get off.
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post #12 of 47 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 02:46 PM
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Re: Fetish behavior

No way. It just needs to be sexually exciting to them. That's all. If it turns them on at all, if it adds to their excitement, its a fetish.

That's an overstatement.

For instance Mary likes to be hurt a little while having sex. She can come without it, with some work, which I love doing, but if I hurt her a little it's like a kick start, and she zooms right up there.

I find her feet sexy looking, but they don't particularly turn me on because I don't have a foot fetish. So it's a matter of degree.

But a fetish isn't something that is required to come, just is something out of the ordinary which is viewed as being extra sexy, that most people do not view as being extra sexy.

Last edited by WilliamM; 05-19-2017 at 02:55 PM.
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post #13 of 47 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 03:33 PM
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Re: Fetish behavior

Wouldn't those be kinks, not fetishes by the usual standards?




Quote:
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No way. It just needs to be sexually exciting to them. That's all. If it turns them on at all, if it adds to their excitement, its a fetish.

That's an overstatement.

For instance Mary likes to be hurt a little while having sex. She can come without it, with some work, which I love doing, but if I hurt her a little it's like a kick start, and she zooms right up there.

I find her feet sexy looking, but they don't particularly turn me on because I don't have a foot fetish. So it's a matter of degree.

But a fetish isn't something that is required to come, just is something out of the ordinary which is viewed as being extra sexy, that most people do not view as being extra sexy.
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post #14 of 47 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 03:47 PM
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Re: Fetish behavior

List of Fetishes and List of Kinks and Terminology
https://fetlife.com/

What's in a word? They are called both interchangeably by many people.

Who knows. Call it what you want. Nobody who does this stuff cares.

Except there sure isn't anything about any of it being necessary. It's something that someone finds exciting that most other people don't find exciting.

Edit: And from reading this website, I would be tempted to put oral sex into the list of fetishes!
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post #15 of 47 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 04:01 PM
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Re: Fetish behavior

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ynot View Post
Who gives a crap if an activity is legal or not if it is between consenting adults?
Well, depending on your sexual deviancy, and the laws in your jurisdiction, engaging in said degeneracy may have very, very undesirable consequences. That's why legality matters.

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It is the music of a people / Who are climbing to the light.
For the wretched of the earth / There is a flame that never dies.
Even the darkest night will end / And the sun will rise...
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