Hello, TAM! I recently got married to my husband after being together for two years. Before we got married, he seemed sexually insatiable. It was like he couldn't keep his hands off me! His sex drive was much higher than mine, but that was alright, because I was always happy to go along with it when he initiated sex. I felt very desirable and loved how well I could please him.
However, since we got married and moved in together, my sex drive has shot upward while his has plummeted. I want him all the time. I get in the mood just from having him brush against me or seeing him take his shirt off. Meanwhile, he is almost never interested in sex of any kind. I've gone from being the responsive partner to the initiator, which is a role that I don't find much fun, and still get turned down 3 out of 4 times. I try to accept this with grace, because I know it's his body and entirely his decision, but it does make me very sad. I miss the passion and the feeling of being desirable.
When he was the initiator we often had sex several times a day, but now we're down to once a week (if I'm lucky!) and the change is so dramatic that I can barely understand it. What's worse is that I know I'd have been fine with once a week last year, but now that I live with him and am so attracted to him, even once a day would feel a bit limiting.
What prompted me to come here to ask for advice is the very disheartening experience I had just today. I initiated sex with him and touched him in all the ways he usually likes. However, he seemed oddly quiet. While in the midst of penetration (while I was doing all the moving) I asked him if he was enjoying this at all. He said it didn't feel like much of anything to him. This caused me to lose my desire pretty quickly, but I tried to salvage the situation as best I could by still acting sexy and performing oral, but he continued being uninterested. We eventually wound up snuggled next to each other and he fell asleep while I tried not to cry. This was the worst experience I've had so far, but several others have been similar in terms of how they made me feel.
Beyond being unsatisfied, I just feel so impotent. I want to be able to have the physical and emotional connection that comes with sex, and I want to make my partner happy, but both of these seem just out of reach. I'm consumed with self-doubt these days about whether he has ceased to find me attractive now that we're hitched. Honestly, I feel stupid for being this hurt by something that I fear looks trivial. He knows I feel this way, though I don't know if he understands how strongly. He says he can't help it, and I believe him and accept it, but the hurt doesn't go away.
I'm not looking to leave or replace my husband. I love HIM and what I want is to experience passion and intimacy with HIM. Ideally, I want to go back to the way things were when he'd be eager for me. However, if I could instead find a way to be just as satisfied with his current level of interest, that would also be an acceptable resolution. Does anyone here have advice on what either of us can do?
However, since we got married and moved in together, my sex drive has shot upward while his has plummeted. I want him all the time. I get in the mood just from having him brush against me or seeing him take his shirt off. Meanwhile, he is almost never interested in sex of any kind. I've gone from being the responsive partner to the initiator, which is a role that I don't find much fun, and still get turned down 3 out of 4 times. I try to accept this with grace, because I know it's his body and entirely his decision, but it does make me very sad. I miss the passion and the feeling of being desirable.
When he was the initiator we often had sex several times a day, but now we're down to once a week (if I'm lucky!) and the change is so dramatic that I can barely understand it. What's worse is that I know I'd have been fine with once a week last year, but now that I live with him and am so attracted to him, even once a day would feel a bit limiting.
What prompted me to come here to ask for advice is the very disheartening experience I had just today. I initiated sex with him and touched him in all the ways he usually likes. However, he seemed oddly quiet. While in the midst of penetration (while I was doing all the moving) I asked him if he was enjoying this at all. He said it didn't feel like much of anything to him. This caused me to lose my desire pretty quickly, but I tried to salvage the situation as best I could by still acting sexy and performing oral, but he continued being uninterested. We eventually wound up snuggled next to each other and he fell asleep while I tried not to cry. This was the worst experience I've had so far, but several others have been similar in terms of how they made me feel.
Beyond being unsatisfied, I just feel so impotent. I want to be able to have the physical and emotional connection that comes with sex, and I want to make my partner happy, but both of these seem just out of reach. I'm consumed with self-doubt these days about whether he has ceased to find me attractive now that we're hitched. Honestly, I feel stupid for being this hurt by something that I fear looks trivial. He knows I feel this way, though I don't know if he understands how strongly. He says he can't help it, and I believe him and accept it, but the hurt doesn't go away.
I'm not looking to leave or replace my husband. I love HIM and what I want is to experience passion and intimacy with HIM. Ideally, I want to go back to the way things were when he'd be eager for me. However, if I could instead find a way to be just as satisfied with his current level of interest, that would also be an acceptable resolution. Does anyone here have advice on what either of us can do?