Hi there. I am a 37 year old dude, happily married to my 41 yr old wife (married for year and a half). I am from Uruguay, and she is from Japan. We met over Skype (trying to practice languages), fell in love, and I moved to live with her to Japan.
Before I moved, she told me something curious. She said to me "my vagina is a bit lazy, I can't cum anymore". To which at that point, I took it as she flirting with me a bit.
Oh boy she wasn't...
When she was 20 years old, she told me she had lots of sex, enjoyed it a lot, and was able to reach orgasm through penetration in missionary position. But around that time, something exploded inside of her, and most if not all of her libido disappeared. She stopped having sex, stopped masturbating, etc. Zero interest in anything physical. She thinks it's only physical, but this time also matches when her first love, dumped her, probably creating that
death of her libido in the process.
I should point out that we both got hormonal tests, and she got a very detailed reproductive organs examinations, and everything seems to be in working order. Which is why I am suspecting it's more psychological than physical.
We have a very active sex life, we have sex almost everyday. I can make her cum with my hands or mouth, but penetration seems to be either painful, no feeling, or pleasure but not-enough-to-cum-from-it type of thing.
She is at a point where she just wants to give up, and just have sex with me (even if painful) just to keep me happy, but I keep telling her the smart thing to do is not to endure sex, is to enjoy it, and so I convinced her to work on it until we get it right. Sex therapy is an option in the future, but we first want to try stuff ourselves.
We always do a bit of foreplay before sex (I deeply enjoy foreplay, and going down on her, and she finds that hard to believe ), and after one day of a unusually long foreplay session, she had no pain at all (only a bit on her left side). Which makes me think that her "sex engine" is slower that how it used to be when she was 20, and that instead of 20 mins of foreplay we need 1 hour. We are going to try that tonight, and I already asked her to try to get in the mood before we even try. Masturbate on the bathtub, look at some porn, think about a Hollywood actor she finds super hot (damn you James Franco!) anything to get her gears turning.
I bought tons of sexy lingerie (she feels silly wearing it, but she always seems to have bigger orgasms when we roleplay something stupid) and I am planning on maybe buying a vibrator or something for her. I am always complimenting her about her looks and sexiness. But I have a deep feeling that she doesn't feel sexy as a woman. I mean one night, as a joke, I started singing in her ear Joe Cocker's "You are so beautiful to me" song, expecting to get a laugh out of her....only for her to start crying and telling me "I am happy you can see me beautiful".
Any ideas or suggestions at all?
Am I taking the right steps on this?
Thanks for your time!
Before I moved, she told me something curious. She said to me "my vagina is a bit lazy, I can't cum anymore". To which at that point, I took it as she flirting with me a bit.
Oh boy she wasn't...
When she was 20 years old, she told me she had lots of sex, enjoyed it a lot, and was able to reach orgasm through penetration in missionary position. But around that time, something exploded inside of her, and most if not all of her libido disappeared. She stopped having sex, stopped masturbating, etc. Zero interest in anything physical. She thinks it's only physical, but this time also matches when her first love, dumped her, probably creating that
death of her libido in the process.
I should point out that we both got hormonal tests, and she got a very detailed reproductive organs examinations, and everything seems to be in working order. Which is why I am suspecting it's more psychological than physical.
We have a very active sex life, we have sex almost everyday. I can make her cum with my hands or mouth, but penetration seems to be either painful, no feeling, or pleasure but not-enough-to-cum-from-it type of thing.
She is at a point where she just wants to give up, and just have sex with me (even if painful) just to keep me happy, but I keep telling her the smart thing to do is not to endure sex, is to enjoy it, and so I convinced her to work on it until we get it right. Sex therapy is an option in the future, but we first want to try stuff ourselves.
We always do a bit of foreplay before sex (I deeply enjoy foreplay, and going down on her, and she finds that hard to believe ), and after one day of a unusually long foreplay session, she had no pain at all (only a bit on her left side). Which makes me think that her "sex engine" is slower that how it used to be when she was 20, and that instead of 20 mins of foreplay we need 1 hour. We are going to try that tonight, and I already asked her to try to get in the mood before we even try. Masturbate on the bathtub, look at some porn, think about a Hollywood actor she finds super hot (damn you James Franco!) anything to get her gears turning.
I bought tons of sexy lingerie (she feels silly wearing it, but she always seems to have bigger orgasms when we roleplay something stupid) and I am planning on maybe buying a vibrator or something for her. I am always complimenting her about her looks and sexiness. But I have a deep feeling that she doesn't feel sexy as a woman. I mean one night, as a joke, I started singing in her ear Joe Cocker's "You are so beautiful to me" song, expecting to get a laugh out of her....only for her to start crying and telling me "I am happy you can see me beautiful".
Any ideas or suggestions at all?
Am I taking the right steps on this?
Thanks for your time!