Women & Orgasms..... How often?????
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Sex in Marriage » Women & Orgasms..... How often?????

Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 01-16-2012, 05:24 PM   #1 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 462
Default Women & Orgasms..... How often?????

I've had this conversations many times over and thought I'd post a different slant.

I don't measure success by orgasms (more so intensity and enjoyment), but definitely it is very important to me that my spouse has one and if not, I consider the act for the most part a "failure".

Now women can go on and tell you that an O is not the goal and sometimes not necessary, but let me ask you as women, how'd you feel if your partner reached the "finish line" let's say 50% or less? What if they had trouble getting hard (no medical issues), but insisted on pleasuring you and say having their "desserts" only a third as often as you do?

Now of course if you are doing it 5X/wk+ (or multiple times in a day) maybe there are performance issues or reaching that point may not always happen, but for those having it 1-2X's/wk or less, if there is not an O, how would you react?
Havesomethingtosay is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 01-16-2012, 06:04 PM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,738
Default Re: Women & Orgasms..... How often?????

My GF and I have sex about 5x a week, and my orgasm rate is about 100% on the first go round, and probably 50% if we try for two (not very often). Her success rate is up in the 85+ I'd guess, and she often has multiples. And yes, she COULD be faking, I know. But since hers often involve squirting, at least those ones are hard to fake. I think.

If one of us "misses"... I'd be concerned if her missing was a regular occurrence. I guess I would be for me too, if it was like half the time. But my pleasure is tightly bound to her pleasure, so I like to focus on her. . I think that she would be very concerned/unhappy if I only came 50% of the time, as I would be if she only came that often. Most of the times she misses is due either to time constraints or being an awkward time of the month.

C
Posted via Mobile Device
PBear is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2012, 06:40 PM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
Pandakiss's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: In Happiness
Posts: 1,347
Default Re: Women & Orgasms..... How often?????

have--

i know what you are getting at...my husband and i had this very conversation about a month ago. he just didnt understand why i would have sex without the payout. and if i didnt have a pay out, what was he doing.

i really offer no other explaination other than, i am different, i dont orgasm more than 2/3 times a year. i do like sex and sexual activity. i enjoy nothing more than the pure act of sex.

that is my pay off. yes an orgasm is nice, but i like touching and being touched. there is nothing wrong with me medically. i am just born this way...my g-spot is farther back, and maybe having kids young also aided in it happening less often.

if i didnt like sex i would not particapate in it. its the closeness...it still feels good it doesnt change how i feel or the feeling of having sex.

that is my explaination, i hope it made sense. and if your wife says its ok, than its ok. just have fun anyways. its not a failure, you cant be so sensitive about it.

maybe try oral on her before actual sex. sometimes being so sensitive makes it happen again.
__________________
yami ni madoishi awarena kage yo
hito o kizutsuke otoshimete
ts umi ni oboreshi go no tama
i ppen shinde miru?
Pandakiss is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2012, 06:52 PM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 82
Default Re: Women & Orgasms..... How often?????

I like my orgasms and I have one almost always. I can still relate to not always needing to have one. Even when I don't have a definable "O" I feel pleasure. I don't know if I describe the feelings well but my "O" has a buildup and a climax...sometimes I can keep going and have multiplies. Sometimes one is all I get and I lose a little interest in the act. When I don't have a big "O" the intercourse still feels good to me. The best I can describe it is comparing it to having a deep itch scratched. No huge explosion but doesn't it feel really good when something you can't reach itches and you finally get someone to scratch it for you? Lol.
Ayla is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2012, 06:57 PM   #5 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 462
Default Re: Women & Orgasms..... How often?????

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pandakiss View Post
have--

i know what you are getting at...my husband and i had this very conversation about a month ago. he just didnt understand why i would have sex without the payout. and if i didnt have a pay out, what was he doing.

i really offer no other explaination other than, i am different, i dont orgasm more than 2/3 times a year. i do like sex and sexual activity. i enjoy nothing more than the pure act of sex.

that is my pay off. yes an orgasm is nice, but i like touching and being touched. there is nothing wrong with me medically. i am just born this way...my g-spot is farther back, and maybe having kids young also aided in it happening less often.

if i didnt like sex i would not particapate in it. its the closeness...it still feels good it doesnt change how i feel or the feeling of having sex.

that is my explaination, i hope it made sense. and if your wife says its ok, than its ok. just have fun anyways. its not a failure, you cant be so sensitive about it.

maybe try oral on her before actual sex. sometimes being so sensitive makes it happen again.
Does your spouse do oral? There are plenty of posts and articles stating that very few women have orgasms through penetration only.

I enjoy plenty of touching and physical closeness/intimacy, but that is not sex and there is no need for the act if you just want to be loving with your spouse.

But geez only 2-3X's/yr!!!!! Of course there are people here for whom the idea of having sex 2-3/yr is pretty good.......

Last edited by Havesomethingtosay; 01-16-2012 at 07:23 PM.
Havesomethingtosay is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2012, 08:09 PM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 
Pandakiss's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: In Happiness
Posts: 1,347
Default Re: Women & Orgasms..... How often?????

Quote:
Originally Posted by Havesomethingtosay View Post
Does your spouse do oral? There are plenty of posts and articles stating that very few women have orgasms through penetration only.

I enjoy plenty of touching and physical closeness/intimacy, but that is not sex and there is no need for the act if you just want to be loving with your spouse.

But geez only 2-3X's/yr!!!!! Of course there are people here for whom the idea of having sex 2-3/yr is pretty good.......
We have sex often I was just saying I only reach the big O a few times a year. Yes we both do oral. I was just.saying that even though I only have the big one a small portion of the time i do enjoy sex. It's not all about that. It's time spent.

Sex doesn't equal orgasm for me personally.
__________________
yami ni madoishi awarena kage yo
hito o kizutsuke otoshimete
ts umi ni oboreshi go no tama
i ppen shinde miru?
Pandakiss is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-17-2012, 08:01 AM   #7 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 462
Default Re: Women & Orgasms..... How often?????

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pandakiss View Post
We have sex often I was just saying I only reach the big O a few times a year. Yes we both do oral. I was just.saying that even though I only have the big one a small portion of the time i do enjoy sex. It's not all about that. It's time spent.

Sex doesn't equal orgasm for me personally.
Well it does for men......

Interesting perspective, but I was looking for more answers from men and how women would react if their partner did not cum.
Havesomethingtosay is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-17-2012, 09:30 AM   #8 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 82
Default Re: Women & Orgasms..... How often?????

My dh rarely orgasms from bjs but he still loves them. I've tried for years and have asked him how he likes it and I do my best but even after 20mins or more he will not orgasm. At one point I was hyper-focused on making him cum. I would feel like maybe I'm giving him bad head? I would ask all the time if he liked it? What could I do to make him cum? He always reassured me he loved the bjs but I always had my doubts until I decided to look at things differently. Giving oral feels good to me but it's for him so let him enjoy it the way he likes. If it makes him feel good to get a long bj without ejaculating it's fine with me. I can tell he loves my bjs because he likes me to do it everytime we have sex. I can tell he loves it because he stays hard and we have great sex after we give each other oral. So I've let go of the need to make him ejaculate from oral. His lack of orgasm does not affect my desire to give him bjs. If you are attuned to what stimulates your wife and both of you are O.k with the frequency then maybe she really is satisfied.
Ayla is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-17-2012, 09:46 AM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 
that_girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Wherever I lay my head.
Posts: 10,300
Default Re: Women & Orgasms..... How often?????

We have sex probably 5-6 times a week and I orgasm maybe 3 or 4 times.

I don't care or mind. I do love sex...but my focus isn't orgasms.
__________________

Real women don't want flowers and chocolate.
They want vodka and Taco Bell.
that_girl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-17-2012, 09:56 AM   #10 (permalink)
Forum Supporter
 
greenpearl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 2,960
Default Re: Women & Orgasms..... How often?????

I orgasm every time if I want to.

Women can't just rely on their men to achieve their orgasms, they themselves have to do some work.

If a woman relies on her man to achieve orgasms, then very often she can't have orgasms, because her man may not know the trick and can't last that long.

When I want to cum, I tighten my p***y muscle, rub my clit against my husband's c**k, and think about dirty images in my mind. It takes me only two or three minutes to orgasm.

Please help your wife find the easiest way for her to orgasm. I guess different women achieve their orgasms in different way.

It is wonderful when you two explore sexual pleasure together.
greenpearl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-17-2012, 11:16 AM   #11 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 4,575
Default Re: Women & Orgasms..... How often?????

Quote:
Originally Posted by greenpearl View Post
I orgasm every time if I want to.

Women can't just rely on their men to achieve their orgasms, they themselves have to do some work.

If a woman relies on her man to achieve orgasms, then very often she can't have orgasms, because her man may not know the trick and can't last that long.

When I want to cum, I tighten my p***y muscle, rub my clit against my husband's c**k, and think about dirty images in my mind. It takes me only two or three minutes to orgasm.

Please help your wife find the easiest way for her to orgasm. I guess different women achieve their orgasms in different way.

It is wonderful when you two explore sexual pleasure together.
I think the key here is communication. Listening to your wife to figure out what you can do to help her reach orgasm. Listening to your wife to know when she wants to reach orgasm.

My wife is a the lower drive. If I left her alone, she would have sex every 10-14 days if up to her. But between my flirting and playing with her through the day, and her knowing it is important to me, we have it much more often. But sometimes, she realizes it just is not going to happen, so she lets me know and we go with it. As difficult as it is to get my mind around it, I trust her when she says that closeness of sex is important and that an orgasm is not always needed.
Tall Average Guy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-18-2012, 09:11 AM   #12 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 462
Default Re: Women & Orgasms..... How often?????

Quote:
Originally Posted by that_girl View Post
We have sex probably 5-6 times a week and I orgasm maybe 3 or 4 times.

I don't care or mind. I do love sex...but my focus isn't orgasms.
But you have a very active sex life, so yes I can understand it, but then the question is why not slow down to 3-4X's/wk, which is still very active and hit 100%. Is that 1-2 extra that important?

I understand a surprise BJ or something as a change of pace or surprise.

Still not sure if my original question has been answered.
Havesomethingtosay is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-18-2012, 10:02 AM   #13 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 87
Default Re: Women & Orgasms..... How often?????

My wife told me the other day she doesn't like to orgasm every time we have sex. I found that odd. But her explanation of it isn't necessary for her to cum every time and sometimes she enjoys the build up more then the release some times.
Wantsmore is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-18-2012, 10:12 AM   #14 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 419
Default Re: Women & Orgasms..... How often?????

It seems the OP is asking women how they'd feel if their man - not them - only O'd 50% of the time.

I'm about there - 1/2 the time I cum, 1/2 the time I don't.
It bothers the GF.

I could go every time but it may take up to an hour. It's been like that since I was 13 and started masturbating. Hmph.
SoWhat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-18-2012, 10:13 AM   #15 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 462
Default Re: Women & Orgasms..... How often?????

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wantsmore View Post
My wife told me the other day she doesn't like to orgasm every time we have sex. I found that odd. But her explanation of it isn't necessary for her to cum every time and sometimes she enjoys the build up more then the release some times.
And if the shoe is on the other foot and you told your wife that you only want to orgasm 50% of the time, would she be bothered or upset? Now of course if you are having too much sex, maybe you just can't do it too much.

My point is that a woman not orgasming is expected at times and understood for the most part. Is the opposite okay?

I remember the first Bachelorette Tristan admitting she had never orgasmed. She is the one in that silly series married happily with kids (she was on the cover of Us or People last week) and I always wonder if this "problem" was solved.

I don't care how much fun sex is, if my spouse hasn't had hers I am not fulfilled and happy.
Havesomethingtosay is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Multiple Orgasms for Women iloveairplanes Sex in Marriage 16 06-30-2012 05:11 PM
Women, Oral and Orgasms nice777guy Sex in Marriage 42 04-26-2012 08:24 AM
Women, Sex & Orgasms Havesomethingtosay Sex in Marriage 27 04-09-2012 12:22 PM
Women and orgasms Bottled Up The Ladies' Lounge 18 02-04-2012 05:56 AM
For women - speeding up our orgasms Sara Ann Sex in Marriage 7 09-24-2010 11:33 AM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 09:03 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage