Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
My husband and I have been married almost 2 years and for the past 8-10 months or so I haven't had much of an interest in sex. While we were dating and even after we were married we couldn't get enough of each other, but now? Lately it's been every other week or so.
The problem started when we were living with his mother. She would always complain about the noise (our room was above hers). It really put a damper on things. We've been in our own home for over 6 months now but nothing has changed.
Not only that, but I have ovarian cysts which sometimes makes it kind of uncomfortable.
I love my husband dearly but I am really getting sick of his advances and requests for sex. I've tried explaining to him that I don't know why I'm not as interested as I once was but he doesn't seem to get it. He makes me feel guilty for not wanting sex. I know he doesn't mean to, but, as I said, the constant requests/advances really get to me. Sometimes I feel like it's all he wants from me...I will go to bed and be trying to fall asleep while he's groping me, and then he gets offended when I yell at him after telling him a million times to stop.
It's really taking it's toll on our marriage and I need some advice. It's getting to the point where I don't even want to kiss him anymore. As I said, I love him dearly and there's nothing in the world I want more than to fix this. I just don't know how.
When the problems started, his mother suddenly began to hate me. That, and she began poking her nose in our marriage. She and I had always been somewhat close, but suddenly her feelings for me changed. What I did to her I don't know, and probably never will as we don't speak anymore.
My husband, God love him, didn't want to upset her. He knew she was in the wrong, but rarely said anything to defend me. When we moved he vowed to never speak to her again (it got really bad towards the end of our living there) and we got our phone numbers changed. A few months ago he decides to call her up and give her his number, in case of "emergency". I felt SO betrayed by this. I understand it's his mother, but the way she treated me...she tried as hard as she could to split us up. I felt as if he had taken her side.
Aside from that, I do EVERYTHING. He works, and works hard, at his job. I cook, clean, do laundry, take care of kids, take care of the pets, handle ALL the bills, and work at night cleaning model homes for major home builders. Granted, he goes with me to my job and helps, but I've never asked him to.
Other than lack of sex, we are an affectionate couple and we have a lot of fun together. We do everything together, and all of our friends are envious of our relationship. A friend of mine even went so far as to say we were made for each other and complement each other well.
He always goes out of the way to tell me how much he loves me. Sometimes he even leaves little notes for me in the mornings on his way to work. If I ask for a backrub, he gives me one (only he always tries to get something in return).
We have talked about all these issues and he does better for about a week, but then it goes back to the same. I've thought about counseling, but I know he won't go. Besides, we don't have the money for it. I'm at the point now where I just don't know what to do anymore, but I refuse to give up!
1) He rarely helps me with anything around the house.
2) He won't leave me alone about sex.
3) He won't stand up to his mother about the way she treated me and tried to ruin our marriage.
Usually once a week. Sometimes a little more, sometimes a lot less. Mind you, it used to be a once a day or more. He wants sex everyday, just like it used to be.
As for his mother, he talks to her a few times a month. He just went to visit her this past weekend, though. And yes, we were having more sex before he gave her his number...but it still wasn't that often. Like I said, it really began when she started causing problems back around March.
OK, this may just be me so don't take it the wrong way... but you don't seem to have that many real bad problems here. At least compared to most. Obviously, every marriage has their own issues, but I wouldn't get too worked up just yet.
You have a husband that loves you, desires you, leaves notes around the house and pays a lot of attention to you.
OK, so he wants sex more often than you do. I know it makes you feel guilty, but first realize that there are a lot of women on this site that would trade places with you in a heart beat.
As far as this goes, what is the biggest problems with sex? Is it the cysts? Is it his mother? Is it something else in the marriage? Do you still find him desirable?
Now, I have no clue what the entire situation was with his mother, so this is hard to respond to. So its really difficult to react as far as him giving her your number and going to see her.
The cleaning and things... have you talked to him about this? Has it always been this way? If he is willing to go and help you work at nights without you asking or requesting him, he seems like the kind of guy that is willing to help out. Have you ever just said to him, "Honey, I like that you want to come and help me, but if you REALLY wanted to help me out, you could do a few things more around the house..."
I'm not an expert and Mark is better at some of this than I am. But you appear to be building some resentment against your husband here, and it's overflowing into other aspects of your marriage.
I would love a little more romance, and he knows exactly how to do that, but never does. With the groping and nagging, I sometimes feel like I'm living with a kid hitting puberty.
I find him every bit as much desirable as I did back when we were dating. Aside from the lack of sex (or what's causing it) we have no other problems.
I have asked him numerous times to help me around the house. He does wash his work clothes, which helps. I've gone through the finances with him in hopes he would take more of an interest there, but no luck. I don't want to be one of those nagging wives, but it seems like that's the only way I can get him to do anything, but then he gets upset (just like I get upset when he nags me for sex).
I don't know if we're just at the stage in our marriage where things are supposed to cool down and he doesn't understand it or what. I know that's fairly normal, but he has a very high sex drive.
I don't know if we're just at the stage in our marriage where things are supposed to cool down and he doesn't understand it or what. I know that's fairly normal, but he has a very high sex drive.
Don't fall into that trap. LACK of sex causes so many problems in a marriage. It never HAS to cool down, so don't ever think that "it's about that time" when it comes to sex in the marriage.
Lack of sex in a sexual driven man can do some weird things to a guy. You have told him to try to be romantic. HAS he ever tried? And what happened when he did?
I don't know if we're just at the stage in our marriage where things are supposed to cool down and he doesn't understand it or what. I know that's fairly normal, but he has a very high sex drive.
Where did you get that idea? That is only in failed and failing marriages. I'm sure *others* will back me up here. Things only cool down because things are swept under the carpet, and people have no interest in creating a fantastic marriage.
You should negotiate with him. Tell him plain as day that if he were more romantic, you would give him more sex. The same goes with the housework, although considering he supports you, I wonder just how much house work you think he actually owes you.
It's up to you to keep things hot, or he will probably walk. I would, if I felt taken for granted and not desired physically.
Yes, he has tried (though not very often) and is always pleased with the results =)
Question is, if he knows that's what I want and it works, then why doesn't he do it more often?
Used to, he brought me flowers at least twice a week. He used to cook dinner for me from time to time. He even used to come into the bathroom while I was taking a bath and washed my hair for me.
As for helping me around the house, I don't ask him to do much for me. Maybe vacuum every now and then or clean up after the dog or wash the dishes. I would be happy if he would just clean up after himself rather than leaving me to do it.
Is something wrong with me? 
