I'm hoping someone here can offer genuine advice. My wife and I have been married for 12 years and have two children. I don't have a particularly high sex drive, we do still have regular sex but it's only about once a week. I'm well aware this is below the average but in all honesty I am just not often in the mood for it. My wife has always had a very high sex drive and since the start of our relationship has "supplemented" her sex life with toys, porn and occasional thrills like webcam masturbation, all of which I am absolutely ok with. She is blessed with the gift of multiple orgasms whereas me... well, once is enough to keep me happy for days! Far be it from me to limit her pleasure if she can get it from other sources, and until now those other sources have always been enough to satisfy her.
I am not sure what changed but recently she's started dropping frequent hints about "spicing things up", needing something new in her life and so on. The other night she was on webcam with a guy and afterwards was telling me how gorgeous she thought he looked, which again I don't mind as I am not really the jealous type, besides I could see the guy really was attractive so - fair enough...
But then she started going on about what would it be like to actually meet someone like that, how some couples have open relationships and how did I feel about that thought. She was saying things like "it must take a really strong relationship to do something like that" and then asking me if the thought of her actually having sex with another man excited me, if I'd ever fantasized about it. I told her I wasn't really sure and I'd have to think about it.
Then she teased me, going "would you want to watch? what would you have me do with him?". She made it all sound like a joke but I think she was really testing my reactions.
The more I thought about the conversation afterwards, the more I convinced myself that it was a pretty straightforward request to give this a try.
The thing is, I am not against it in principle, as I said I am not a jealous person and a few times I've even fantasized about watching her with another man (or woman...) and I do think our relationship is probably strong enough to survive it and to adapt. I'm sure there are plenty of couples that are perfectly happy in open marriages.
I am just worried that if we take this step there's really no going back and if I discover - once I'm actually faced with the reality of it - that it hurts my feelings and I decide that I don't want it to carry on, she will have had a taste of the excitement of the whole "cuckold" scenario and will struggle to give it up. Maybe she'll stop for me, but deep inside she'll resent it, and I wouldn't want that.
Is it better to not even contemplate the possibility? What if it's exactly what our relationship needs? She gets to fulfill her fantasy and I'm "off the hook" in terms of the pressure of trying to satisfy her, which sometimes feels like a major burden rather than a pleasure.
I know it's a complex issue and don't expect straightforward solutions, in the end only my wife and I can make this decision and we'll have to live with the consequences, but I am genuinely interested in other people's opinion, maybe some of you live in an open marriage or have been through this sort of dilemma? What should we look out for if we decide to open things up? As far as I am concerned, the stability of our family and the happiness of our children is the most important thing, but I also want my wife to be happy and if this is something she really wants, I am willing to at least consider it.
I am not sure what changed but recently she's started dropping frequent hints about "spicing things up", needing something new in her life and so on. The other night she was on webcam with a guy and afterwards was telling me how gorgeous she thought he looked, which again I don't mind as I am not really the jealous type, besides I could see the guy really was attractive so - fair enough...
But then she started going on about what would it be like to actually meet someone like that, how some couples have open relationships and how did I feel about that thought. She was saying things like "it must take a really strong relationship to do something like that" and then asking me if the thought of her actually having sex with another man excited me, if I'd ever fantasized about it. I told her I wasn't really sure and I'd have to think about it.
Then she teased me, going "would you want to watch? what would you have me do with him?". She made it all sound like a joke but I think she was really testing my reactions.
The more I thought about the conversation afterwards, the more I convinced myself that it was a pretty straightforward request to give this a try.
The thing is, I am not against it in principle, as I said I am not a jealous person and a few times I've even fantasized about watching her with another man (or woman...) and I do think our relationship is probably strong enough to survive it and to adapt. I'm sure there are plenty of couples that are perfectly happy in open marriages.
I am just worried that if we take this step there's really no going back and if I discover - once I'm actually faced with the reality of it - that it hurts my feelings and I decide that I don't want it to carry on, she will have had a taste of the excitement of the whole "cuckold" scenario and will struggle to give it up. Maybe she'll stop for me, but deep inside she'll resent it, and I wouldn't want that.
Is it better to not even contemplate the possibility? What if it's exactly what our relationship needs? She gets to fulfill her fantasy and I'm "off the hook" in terms of the pressure of trying to satisfy her, which sometimes feels like a major burden rather than a pleasure.
I know it's a complex issue and don't expect straightforward solutions, in the end only my wife and I can make this decision and we'll have to live with the consequences, but I am genuinely interested in other people's opinion, maybe some of you live in an open marriage or have been through this sort of dilemma? What should we look out for if we decide to open things up? As far as I am concerned, the stability of our family and the happiness of our children is the most important thing, but I also want my wife to be happy and if this is something she really wants, I am willing to at least consider it.