Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
We are a young couple (23,24) and we've been married for a few months. Dated long befor we got married. I love him and he loves me. He means everything to me. He has a hard time getting hard..He kind of gets hard but not all the way and it is still soft and bends. Then he has a hard time staying hard (semi hard not sure what to call it) sometimes he just goes soft on me and just stops. He also has a hard time ejaculating. We could be having sex for an hour and he cant go. There have been a few times he has ejaculated and i wanted to keep going and he couldnt cause he went down and got soft very quickly.I have a hard time trying to orgasm he just isnt hard enough to do anything. It gets frustrating at times and im sure it frustrates him aswell. I talked to him awhile ago I asked him to see a doctor for this...He really didnt want to talk about it and didnt say to much. He just said he would see a doctor. Well he hasnt saw a doctor yet. Should I talk to him about this again? Id just really like for him to get it looked at. I would never let sex get in the way of our marrige. I like sex and Ive got needs. Any input would be greatly appriciated. Also he is active military im not sure if this could be affecting him in anyway asfar as stress and stuff goes. Ive looked online and keep seeing Erectile dysfunction or Impotence? Thanks.
Is he stressed? When my hubs was stressed about money he was like that (for about a month) and it resolved. I never said anything negative.
Also, now he could be stressed about not being able to perform, which causes it to go soft. If you show disappointment, it adds to that frustration and the cycle continues.
And also, once a man cums....it does go soft. so, he'll have to finish you off manually or whatever. That's just biology. Sometimes, rarely, it can stay hard, but once he cums, he's done.
try using a lubed up hand job to get him up, and if he can go for an hour without blowing it then he has a gift most women could only dream of their men having.
The real question is was he always like this or was he sometimes 'better'. It can also be you dont 'spur' him on enough. Tell him he can do whatever he likes to you. Maybe he is scared of something. I dont think you need a doctor. When he gets more 'comfortable' with you it will improve.
Its all the times pretty much most of the time. He said this has happened to him in last relationships also so its not just with me. I have tryed bj/hand job he still doesnt get hard enough and when I stop to get started sexualy he is already down. He is in great shape. Im not used to a guy going soft after he cums thats why I brought it up. My last relationships they could keep going after they ejaculated. I know everyone is different. Its just different with him.
Going soft after cuming is fairly normal. Maybe some younger guys with high testosterone levels can maintain something of an erection after orgasm, but there are likely many who can't.
Does he have insecurities about sex? It would seem that this would cause a lot of performance anxiety in a man, which could end up being a self-perpetuating cycle.
I think he should go to a doctor, along with you, to be evaluated. Everything may be okay physically, which would be a relief for you, and then you can concentrate on the emotional/mental aspect of it for him. The doctor may be able to prescribe something like Viagra to tide him over if it is mostly a mental thing with him. The doctor could also refer you to a therapist, like a sex therapist who specializes in handling sexual issues, who could give you ideas and techniques to try if it is primarily anxiety that is the problem.
The other thing to consider is whether he masturbates a lot. There are some young guys (and not so young ones) who get into chronic masturbation, either from watching porn or not. That can also cause some anxiety and performance problems when it comes time to being with a woman.
He used to masterbate alot...He also had alot of porn on his computer when we first met. Of course its all gone now I made him delete it all lol He told me he doesnt need it anymore now though cause he has me and doesnt need it. I was thinking it was from masterbating to much but I wasnt sure. I didnt think masterbating alot could affect you. I dont think he has any insecurities about sex. I dont think he has anxiety either. I have severe anxiety but it doesnt affect my sex life. Thanks guys for the input
I think the clue might be 'in the active military'. Stress can be a real libido killer.
Keep mentioning getting help with him and show that you are giving unconditional support to his problem.
Ask him what turns him on about you and in general, and see if there are any clues that might assist in him regaining his confidence.
It might be worth getting his hormones checked. This is not just a problem for the middle-aged. There may be some underlying condition that's causing the problem.
Sexual problems with hubby 
