saya2saya

Hello all,

This is my first post , but i am a regular reader. myself is a happily married man with a beautiful wife and we are together for more than 5 years and having a sexually satisfied married life. The issue is from recently (may ne since half year), once in every week or so, I used to mastrubate by thinking my wife with another man... I used to masterbate by imagining my naked good looking wife doing oral to another naked man / men and so on....after I come out from that situation I feel very bad and sad.....but when I am aroused, the thoughts about my own wife with another man will make me so aroused and i feel so so nice about it......I would like to overcome from this dialema and I need some good advices and as well as I would like to know that do anybody else have such thoughts about their wife or I am unique in this......what if my wife knows about my inner desire...!!!

marriedinpei

Its a primitive streak in some of us - I have that one too. I try to fight it, but that fantasy will spur me to a swift climax when nothing else will. Normally I take forever to climax, but thinking about my wife with another man puts me over the top quickly.

First of all, try not to make it a regular fantasy as you don't want to get obsessed about the idea. Try to put more healthy fantasies in your head whenever possible.

Second, do NOT work to make it a reality because if it ever happened for real, it would not be arousing in the least.

2nd_t!me iz_best

after my ex wifes last affair, when we would have sex, i would picture myself as sitting to the side and 'see' her and her last boyfriend in my place as if i was watching them.
that was the only way i could get past the disgust and be able to finish.
that is the only time i have thought about my partner with another man.
except now that my exgf is my ex.
but that makes me want to throw up.

junegirl

@saya2saya I am a wife of 16 years to a wonderful man...He has said things before to me about wanting me to be with another man. four years ago I finally gave in and we had a man over and my husband hid in the closet and watched as I had sex with him. Afterwards I felt horrible and he told me if I didnt want it again, to not do it. It has happened again.. in fact it has happened to 5 different men .....they never knew they were being watched...I have lived with this in my mind and it has drove me crazy at times...i feel guilty and I wanted to stop but it became addiction. It would make me wonder why he would want me to do these things. Then I would wonder if he wanted other women but he always said no. That I was just so good and I was the only one that turned him on. But almost everythime we would have sex, he would get off by talking about me and another man. I also have had a jealousy problem and this made it even worse... He left me the other day, says hes tired of not having trust in the relationshiop. I finally told my best friend and got it off my chest...I feel better and I know if we ever get back together that this will never happen again.

2nd_t!me iz_best

why would you want to get back together?
thats just sick really.
he doesnt love you.
he cant love you and really want you to do that.
maybe as fantasy and role playing, but not for real.

junegirl

Thats what others has said...he swears that he is left to work on his problem...I guess my problem was that i was thinking that maybe i was the wrong one for going through with it...He tells me that If i didnt want it then why would i do it...guess i just wanted to please him, and yes there was a side of me that liked having sex with other men but i could have cared less if he was watching...that wasnt my fantasy. I feel like i am so screwed up in the head right now....I do love him, he is the father of my children. he told me if we ever get back that i am gonna have to be the one that calls and says i will trust him completely...i think he is manipulating me i wonder if there is other women out there that feel like me.

highwood

I am in the opposite situation in that I am a woman whose husband had an EA with an asian woman and honestly I found myself getting aroused thinking about them having sex. I know it sounds very sick and strange and I am glad that nothing physical happened yet I would find myself imaging them doing stuff and that was a turn on. Figure that one out??

highwood

..and I forgot to add that what happened was the most emotionally painful thing to ever happen to me to date..yet so it is hard to understand why imagining the physical aspect of it was a turn on for me.

crossbar

Junegirl's situation speaks volumes. Once this kind of fantasy becomes reality, someone always gets hurt. I'm speculating that if this didn't happen, Junegirl and her husband would probably still be together. But this fantasy brought a whole bunch of problems that they separated. Junegirl, if I'm completely off target, I apologize. Of course, I'm only speculating.

2nd_t!me iz_best

you were wrong in going through with it, yes.
but he was much more wrong in wanting that from you.
it should never even have gotten to the point where you had to make a decision about it.
i cant believe a man would even ask his wife to do something like that.

junegirl

ya are making me feel so much better....thanks guys....I only pray that I get stronger every day cause its hard to be without your companion...even though the bad things happen i still love him...(i wonder why sometimes) He wants me to be the first to apologize for not having trust and looking at his phone but i feel i should not be the whole party to blame

mickotoo

Hi, have the same fantasy and told my wife. She's younger by 5 yrs and was a virgin when we met. We've being going out 15 years and at first she would laugh it off but in the last year she's warming to the idea and has had online sex with a guy on twitter . She asked could we go tru with the 3 sum with him but he wasn't up for it and believe it or not its harder to find a genuine guy than you think so after 2 months of pic collectors and time wasters we gave up on the idea.The 2 months we were looking was the best sex we ever had.My advice is tell her your fantasy and be open and honest.We are in Ireland and it seems to have loads of swingers and they seem to be having the best sex and the closest relationships. HOW MANY MARRIAGES HAVE ENDED BECAUSE ONE HALF IS LOOKING FOR NEW SEXUAL EXPERIENCES? WHY NOT DO IT TOGETHER?

2nd_t!me iz_best

not a smart idea

people are here to FIX their marriages, not add to their problems.

SoCalHubby

This is actually a very common fantasy among married men. I think there's erotic pleasure in seeing our wives as the object of another man's desire/lust. But there's more. In marriage, the wife's sexuality is intermingled w love, responsibilty, commitment, devotion, trust, etc. and of course those are all good/important things. But in picturing my wife w another guy, I get to "see" her in the context of pure lust, uncluttered by all those other things. This is (for me at least) part of the turn on. It helps me to see/enjoy my wife as a horny/lustful woman. I/we have zero desire to make this happen, but it's a fun fantasy to discuss before/during sex. So I would advise the OP, discuss this w your wife, not as something to actually do, but as a fun fantasy to enjoy together.
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Complexity

I can never let another man touch my woman. No way, no how.

I really don't understand this recent phenomena to be honest. Not to judge anyone but how can you get aroused by seeing the love of your life, the mother of your children getting screwed by some stranger?