Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
... no matter how many times we do the same darn thing, we still get excited for it -for each other, it kind of amazes me in a way.
I would call the experience ....."life giving".... and afterwards, we lay in each others arms, there is such a comfort there, such thankfulness for this gift we have been given, how deeply we touch each others souls- in this experiece of Love making.
Damn. That's the most beautiful thing I think I've ever read. Makes me realize how much I'm missing out on. I'm glad for you. And incredibly sad for me.
Please cherish every moment of sweet lovemaking you have with the love of your life.
Damn. That's the most beautiful thing I think I've ever read. Makes me realize how much I'm missing out on. I'm glad for you. And incredibly sad for me.
Please cherish every moment of sweet lovemaking you have with the love of your life.
And you know what Hurtnohio, I say this with all seriousness, my heart cries for those of you on here in a sexless marraige or anything even remotely close to that (not sure of your story).... quite frankly , all refusers in my opionion -well I wouldn't sound too ladylike to really say what I think on here.
I am near always for the High Driving spouse, I have been on both sides, and I can tell you, it is a damn site harder to be "in want" of the one you love than be the one who just "isn't feeling it". They simply do not get it ,or know the suffering they bring to a marraige- when being treated right & emotionally loved of course.
It near angers me to read such stories.
Sex is beautiful, it is meant to be shared & enjoyed. Anything less , in my opionion, is abuse.
I may sound inspirational when I post, cause I feel what I say very strongly... BUT I also know...if he didn't fullfill me - this was missing from our marriage.... I would likely be a B***h , so yeah, Sex is a huge thing , it can bring unspeakable happiness to some of us.
I realize I could be any one of you on here -- and be walking in other shoes. I wouldn't handle it at all well. I simply know ME all too well.
WHatever you are going through right now - I wish Hope for you & your wife, good things ahead.
And you know what Hurtnohio, I say this with all seriousness, my heart cries for those of you on here in a sexless marraige or anything even remotely close to that (not sure of your story).... quite frankly , all refusers in my opionion -well I wouldn't sound too ladylike to really say what I think on here.
I am near always for the High Driving spouse, I have been on both sides, and I can tell you, it is a damn site harder to be "in want" of the one you love than be the one who just "isn't feeling it". They simply do not get it ,or know the suffering they bring to a marraige- when being treated right & emotionally loved of course.
It near angers me to read such stories.
Sex is beautiful, it is meant to be shared & enjoyed. Anything less , in my opionion, is abuse.
I may sound inspirational when I post, cause I feel what I say very strongly... BUT I also know...if he didn't fullfill me - this was missing from our marriage.... I would likely be a B***h , so yeah, Sex is a huge thing , it can bring unspeakable happiness to some of us.
I realize I could be any one of you on here -- and be walking in other shoes. I wouldn't handle it at all well. I simply know ME all too well.
WHatever you are going through right now - I wish Hope for you & your wife, good things ahead.
My story is long and complicated. I've always believed that sex is more than just a physical act (an odd belief for a guy to have!) and that it is truly meant to be a beautiful fusing of two souls into one.
At least, I believed that until marriage. In my case, it hasn't worked out that way. I've spilled a lot of 1's and 0's here detailing my story so I won't bore everybody here again. For several years I consoled myself by telling myself nobody really liked sex, that it was overrated, and that sexless marriage was the norm. I'd get angry when I was around couples who were all lovey-dovey because it reminded me of what I was missing out on.
I originally came to this forum to try to see what I was doing wrong and for advice. I've come to believe that my wife may have some serious mental issues, so I spend a lot of time on a support forum for family members of people with Borderline Personality Disorder. While I originally came here for advice on conflict, I also look under this particular category occasionally.
You post was a perfect summary of what I've always believed sex should be. I'm glad that at least someone is experiencing the "life-giving" beauty that should characterize all married sex. Do not take each other for granted! What you and your husband have is too precious and rare.
I don't mean to side-track, shy_guy I hope you don't mind me asking this on your thread but how would you all "classify" vanilla sex? Kind of funny that vanilla sex is referred to as vanilla sex seeing as vanilla is said to have aphrodisiac properties... but anyway, I'm curious.
__________________ D DAY: Monday, April 1, 2013 And now it's your chance to move on
Change the way you've lived for so long
And find the strength you've had inside all along
'Cause life starts now
Location: On a clear day, I can see Mt. Rainier ... but you can't count on the days to be clear here ...
Posts: 1,861
Re: How would you classify your sex?
Quote:
Originally Posted by heartsbeating
I don't mean to side-track, shy_guy I hope you don't mind me asking this on your thread but how would you all "classify" vanilla sex? Kind of funny that vanilla sex is referred to as vanilla sex seeing as vanilla is said to have aphrodisiac properties... but anyway, I'm curious.
Good question. I don't think I've ever thought of sex as vanilla before this thread. But thinking through different periods of our marriage, I suppose I would call vanilla sex what may happen when we got so busy or worked so hard that neither of us had much energy. I think in those times we got into a routine where there was little time or lead-up to sex, little foreplay if any, and basically just the energy needed to orgasm, then go to sleep - not much variety and not much intimacy, but also not the quick excitement of what I called a "quickie."
We've had a few periods of our marriage where we had that for weeks at a time. Thankfully, it hasn't been for a while, though.
I am near always for the High Driving spouse, I have been on both sides, and I can tell you, it is a damn site harder to be "in want" of the one you love than be the one who just "isn't feeling it". They simply do not get it ,or know the suffering they bring to a marraige- when being treated right & emotionally loved of course.
It near angers me to read such stories.
I know this isn't the topic of the thread, but this made me think back to some hard times in the early years of my marriage.
A person who is not a 'physical touch' person can often suffer just as much from being 'in want' of what they need in the relationship.
I know that after the first year or so of my marriage, I was very, very much 'in want' of things my husband was not able to give me - things like simply paying attention to me more than a football game on TV or off playing on some sport team or another, or things like simply engaging in a conversation or giving me a simple compliment. It was very disheartening, and almost soul-crushing for me, to remain physically intimate (which I did the whole entire time) while feeling a wide, emotional chasm between us because he simply did not respond to me in the way that I needed.
It is always painful when one is 'in want' whichever way that want is preferred to be manifested.
@OP ~
We change from month to month - based upon what is going on in our lives and our bodies! Our goal is to connect with sex at least every 3 days, but to be intimate and be affectionate with each other everyday.
So, some months, we may be 10% quickie, 50% romantic, and the remainder wild, and on other months the numbers will rotate and be totally different. We sometimes let the winds of fate and fortune blow us around a bit - sometimes letting a mellow mood prevail, and sometimes not. Just depends - we are not consistent from one month to the next.
I don't know freakonaleash. I think I got you beat...
All of our quickies are 100% bad and 100% boring. How can I make this a sadder face.
Well, at least you get some. I guess. Sounds awful but what I have is awful too.
My husband told me that "I expect too much" and am "too much effort". Nice. Better to be by myself than have someone watching a clock saying "Are you there yet?"
__________________ D DAY: Monday, April 1, 2013 And now it's your chance to move on
Change the way you've lived for so long
And find the strength you've had inside all along
'Cause life starts now
1Likes
Re: How would you classify your sex? 
It was very disheartening, and almost soul-crushing for me, to remain physically intimate (which I did the whole entire time) while feeling a wide, emotional chasm between us because he simply did not respond to me in the way that I needed.
