Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
Man, I must have read about 5000 posts saying the same thing: my w/h is boring in bed or doesn't pay attention/treat me good so I don't want to have sex. What am i to do?
Let's get this straight: you want sex but don't want a relationship? Why have a relationship, then?
when I was younger I felt the same way: sex and marriage weren't necessarily the same. However, as I've aged, I've begun to mellow out regarding my rampaging desires. I mean I am still rampaging, but I scale back my ambitions and release them in controlled and utterly moderated way whereby my wife feels both involved and focussed on. Make her the center of your world and she will do just about anything. If you really want to have sex with someone else, turn out the lights. I think that using your imagination now and then is ok but you prolly might want to remember why it is you married the woman in the first place.
If the love is there, then be happy you've found someone righteous enough to want to spend your life with and honour them and they will treat you right!
Good post, but the other thing to keep in mind is that there are not going to be fireworks every time you have sex. Sometimes it is OK, sometimes it is good, sometimes it is really good, and sometimes it is WOW!!!! We started a book recently called "Discovering Your Couple Sexual Style." It starts with separating fact from fiction. The majority of sex is somewhere in the middle.
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The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to "stand up for your rights." Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. 1 Corinthians 7:2 (The Message)
Good post, but the other thing to keep in mind is that there are not going to be fireworks every time you have sex. Sometimes it is OK, sometimes it is good, sometimes it is really good, and sometimes it is WOW!!!! We started a book recently called "Discovering Your Couple Sexual Style." It starts with separating fact from fiction. The majority of sex is somewhere in the middle.
Yes indeed, and contrary to the media, the middle actually rocks most of the time!
I should have said, however, that I am all for keeping it as hot as you can by reading, toys, trying new positions, trying new places, role-playing, etc.
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The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to "stand up for your rights." Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. 1 Corinthians 7:2 (The Message)
Man, I must have read about 5000 posts saying the same thing: my w/h is boring in bed or doesn't pay attention/treat me good so I don't want to have sex. What am i to do?
Let's get this straight: you want sex but don't want a relationship? Why have a relationship, then?
when I was younger I felt the same way: sex and marriage weren't necessarily the same. However, as I've aged, I've begun to mellow out regarding my rampaging desires. I mean I am still rampaging, but I scale back my ambitions and release them in controlled and utterly moderated way whereby my wife feels both involved and focussed on. Make her the center of your world and she will do just about anything. If you really want to have sex with someone else, turn out the lights. I think that using your imagination now and then is ok but you prolly might want to remember why it is you married the woman in the first place.
If the love is there, then be happy you've found someone righteous enough to want to spend your life with and honour them and they will treat you right!
Well, this has been true for our marriage.
I'm sure that there are many dysfunctional people out there, though, that if you make them the center of your world, they'll take that and everything else besides without ever returning anything.
Works best when both are willing to give to each other.
Good post, Enchantment. That is what has made our marriage work as well. But as we have learned from this site, some people will take advantage of their spouse's vulnerabilities.
I'm sure that there are many dysfunctional people out there, though, that if you make them the center of your world, they'll take that and everything else besides without ever returning anything.
Works best when both are willing to give to each other.
Nicely put! This place is full of stories from people who do exactly what the OP suggests and are still potless.
As Joe Walsh said "You can't argue with a sick mind"
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What's Weshenjuggalslomomengreskeytemskeytudlogueri? I don't know what you say, brother.
Then you don't jin Romani chib...
Yes, there are always qualifiers and pathologies that we must be vigilant against. I was speaking in generalities. That being said, every relationship will experience stages when one partner might pick up the slack of the other, then they will switch roles. If it is all one way then there is a pathology at work. The point is that too much of the time people think in polarities/expectations and neglect compromise/living in the moment which leads us to conflict. Prepare the ground for physical arousal by satisfying emotional and other needs first. The rest will follow, eventually.
Sex is like the rest of your life (except there's no welfare system). In other words, you get what you work for. If you don't work for a good sex life, you'll never have it. If you do work for a good sex life, you will have it.
I guess what I was getting at is that the sex is secondary as you age (I know, that's a groundbreaking insight ) ) . For me, I want it but balance it against my partner's feelings. I realize how wrong that sounds to testosterone brimming readers on this topic who want ways to engage and interest their powers more often but I don't think they get the bigger picture for their lovers which is emotion and well-being. It's good from time to time to sacrifice impulses for the sake emotional connection time.
I'm not sure I agree with the social service analogy. I agree that you must work for a strong relationship, and by extension sex, but I disagree that it is all within your power to mitigate against issues your spouse or lover may have (i.e., legacy of sexual abuse, etc), that is really the role of a specialist (or, in your analogy a social service worker-God, love em' all!). A healthy and HAPPY society is one which respects/helps all and especially the underprivileged. In a similar way, we must give our lovers the space and supports they may need, often that does not mean tiresome, insensitive and selfish sexual coercion.
I guess what I was getting at is that the sex is secondary as you age (I know, that's a groundbreaking insight ) ) .
That is NOT the case for us. We started having sex as teenagers...which led to us getting married because she was pregnant. We are finding that sex is getting better after 40 years. It is just as important and frequent as ever. Last night was so passionate, so awesome. It may be because it had been a week because of her period and we had just finished watching "The Other Bolyn Girl." We found the scene when the King "bedded" Mary quite erotic!
__________________
The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to "stand up for your rights." Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. 1 Corinthians 7:2 (The Message)
I agree that sex does get better over time, but I also feel that there is less urgency to it. There are other areas where we share and we are comfortable with that. I guess I look at it in a hollistic manner; all parts need to be in balance for the relationship to work.
Im not sure I agree with that entirly. For some it might and logically, you would thnk it true but I gues the human factor needs to be taken into account. I see for many couples, mine too, that sex appears to dimish as they progres deeper into their relationship. Sex begins to take a back seat and as a result, gets pushed down furhter and further on the to do list. Eventually, it gets taken off the list altogether. Long after dishes. Life itself takes over and our sex life, which is a different life to our normal lives disappears into the sunset. Eventually, never to be seen again.
If you had a fulfilling Sexual Union...you dont feel like having it the next day or day after ....
On the Otherhand , the same Love driven couples have Love Making in small to big gestures , as and when they mutually feel like ...
Another POV..
Women who complain of Men's Lack of Interest or Performance need to understand, that Men are The Dynamic Force...even Hercules will need rest after coming from a Tiring Work Schedule, inorder to "Work on them" further....
Women are not satiated owing to their Lack of Understanding on their Men and lack of Cooperation and they turn to Infidelity as a Solution...
If you had a fulfilling Sexual Union...you dont feel like having it the next day or day after ....
On the Otherhand , the same Love driven couples have Love Making in small to big gestures , as and when they mutually feel like ...
Another POV..
Women who complain of Men's Lack of Interest or Performance need to understand, that Men are The Dynamic Force...even Hercules will need rest after coming from a Tiring Work Schedule, inorder to "Work on them" further....
Women are not satiated owing to their Lack of Understanding on their Men and lack of Cooperation and they turn to Infidelity as a Solution...
I disagree, for me personally as woman. Having sex means wanting more sex, the less women have it, the less they desire it, and the reverse is true as well.
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How to keep the sex fire HOT!, HOT!!, HOT!!!! 
Re: How to keep the sex fire HOT!, HOT!!, HOT!!!! 
) ) . For me, I want it but balance it against my partner's feelings. I realize how wrong that sounds to testosterone brimming readers on this topic who want ways to engage and interest their powers more often but I don't think they get the bigger picture for their lovers which is emotion and well-being. It's good from time to time to sacrifice impulses for the sake emotional connection time.
