Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
OMG SA, I just had this exact conversation with my Wife last night after awesome sex. All the years wasted to sexual repression! The parallels continue huh!
There is nothing I despise or regret more in my marraige ...than the effects of sexual repression, being TOO religiously minded, feeling my flesh was "dirty", certain acts were "dirty" - without a balanced healthy sexual education. I've cried a river over what it cost us, the unlived experiences... that pretty much fuel my fantasies of today.
A bit amazed how those parallels still continue to surface as we post - ha ha
There is nothing I despise or regret more in my marraige ...than the effects of sexual repression, being TOO religiously minded, feeling my flesh was "dirty", certain acts were "dirty" - without a balanced healthy sexual education. I've cried a river over what it cost us, the unlived experiences... that pretty much fuel my fantasies of today.
A bit amazed how those parallels still continue to surface as we post - ha ha
-----if you are a Christian, you are wrong in being a Sexual Repressor so far
Read The Song of Songs...Its one of the best Guides for Erotic Love...
while the song of Solomon is as you say; preachers generally preach so hard in the other direction that everyone comes away repressed.
It should not be so. Life is a balancing act so should it be with spirituality.
Most Preachers are Ignorant or Conditioned by Church...and they dont even interpret the Scriptures rightly, rather they are guided by some Church Doctrines ...
Balance of Materiality and Spirituality is infact what Jesus Himself ,directed ordinary people to do so...
and infact almost all of His Apostles were married and took their wives along when they traveled and whenever it was possible ,except John and perhaps James, who seems ,were unmarried...and Paul ,The "Special" Apostle had self chosen to be celibate...
The Truth is Bible glorifies Sex...and only condemns the uncanny realms...
-----if you are a Christian, you are wrong in being a Sexual Repressor so far
Read The Song of Songs...Its one of the best Guides for Erotic Love...
Claude, I agree with your 2nd post when you said .."'Most Preachers are Ignorant or Conditioned by Church...and they dont even interpret the Scriptures rightly, rather they are guided by some Church Doctrines "... Freaking amen to that !!
I no longer consider myself a Christian , I see no sense in trying to defend myself against "Fundamentalists", better to just separate myself .... I put reason before blind faith, this has enabled me to be more tolerate, more loving and I feel more in tune with my creator. Though others will tell me I am all wet, that is fine.
I feel I went to a near "Puritan" church ... Songs of Solomen was never uttered or hinted at.. Funny... how many wives did he have??...according to 1 Kings 11:3, -he had 700 wives & 300 concubines... Something is a little twisted about that, isn't it?
No, it was all fire & brimstone and our Flesh is "dirty", we need to put it down, premarital sex is deserving of Hell, so it a little Lust, deserving of plucking out our eyes ... ... for me, I could not turn "the switch" ...strippers were condemned, but once married, once we walked down that aisle , we are somehow encouraged to act like them for our husbands --really!!?
No, that "good girl" Mentality wasn't that easy to throw off- it left some deep imprints on my brain......and it kept me "caged". My own conscience warred against it -but I was too weak and uneducated to overcome it . (Can look up my "Awakening" thread- some links within from a psychological perspective to explain what can happen to some .......so I am not alone)...
Not everyone is affected by this... I realize that.... I feel the deeper thinkers are more to fall prey, I tried to take religion/God/ what he wanted from me so very seriously, I feel that was to my detriment. Had I taken a more casual attitude without trying to figure out every detail and demise of my life -due to my sexuality, I might have been OK, and even thrived. But hey, I was young, impressionable and uneducated.
....NOW, getting away from all of that.....I have never felt so alive and in tune with who I was meant to be all along , I found more christian books on sex a hinderance (just being honest), I think the judgemental stuck out for me at every turn & only hindered..... I found the secular more freeing, more human somehow, more understanding of our natures, although many things in the secular I do not totally agree with -so I spit out what doesn't resonate with me, just as I pretty much do with the bible as well. I am an admitted Cherry picker.
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And maybe I seem a bit confused. . .but maybe, I got you pegged! Ha! Don't know what to do about those tossed salad and scrambled eggs. . .they're posting again. Scannerguard has left the building.
I infer, you have been uncannily taught through Rigid, LEGALISTIC , MYOPIC ,Traditional Teachings and Hereditary Prejudices...on The Christian Faith n Life...as a result of "churching doctrines" imparted by the "Fathers" and preachers...
Bible needs to be understood with commonsense and wisdom as well...This dint happen with the "Authorities" and hence people were/are taught the wrong teachings...through the churches and parishes and "books"..
Now, to depict
The Scriptures is a Synthesis of Divinity and Raw Humanity...to be followed by Humans ( they have their Free Will )..It depicts a Synthesis of Freedom and Discipline...Not RIGIDITY...it shows a Path of Abundant Life , in all dimensions of Life,Phy,Mental,Spiritual and Societal...
It glorifies Life ,Love,Sex etc etc in a Synthesis of Discipline and Freedom...
"Its like reminding you
"Power without Love is Reckless , Abusive and Collaterally destructive...
and Love without Power ( of its Strength, Discipline,Wisdom ) is merely Sentimental,Anaemic, and Collaterally and Colossally destructive..."
Stop here and think...and ponder...one will realize CONTEXTUALLY, why there was idealism mentioned, why there are the Proverbs , why there was The Song of Songs...why there was Freedom of Spirit ...of Liberty ...why there was the Manifestation of The Christ..?and Christ is not a Pacifistic One, nor a Dictator...why there was The Law and The Grace...?
Why Jacob loved Rachel..why The Shulamite Girl loved The Shepherd..?
It gives the guidance to Love in Agape,Storge , Philos and Eros...
It actually takes care of Material Life and Spiritual Life and Eternal Realms...as for the humans...
Infact, a such a Man, who knows The Scriptures can love the best, in all its forms( A,S,P,E) than any other ...similarly a Woman...who knows it as well..
-----
As Paul says
"All Things are Permissible ( in your Free Will)
but not everything is Beneficial..."
People can use their Physical,Mental,Spiritual,Societal Dimensions as they wish....yet whats beneficial materially ,spiritually or eternally ,and what not can determine their fates and destinies, here and after...
"Its a Liberating Scripture than a Liberalizing One..".
Are you saying you're menfolk control your bodies and are at your beckon call????
I don't think that is what anyone is saying.... More like, we are not witholding sex and love from the husbands.... not using sex as a weapon, a punishment, or a bartering tool. This builds a stronger, more loving relationship. This is how healthy relationships work.
Works for me anyway....and besides, I cannot figure out why anyone would withold the awesomeness that making love should be. Or, why some people (including my ex) don't realize when the sex isn't so hot and attempt to make it the awesomeness that it SHOULD be!
I have been married 21 years and probably refused about 5-10% of my husbands advances over the first 20 years.
This year I made a resolution to never deny him. Just by making the resolution I have fired myself up and find myself anticipating and wanting sex more now than in any other point in our marriage.
Are you saying you're menfolk control your bodies and are at your beckon call????
I don't think that is what anyone is saying.... More like, we are not witholding sex and love from the husbands.... not using sex as a weapon, a punishment, or a bartering tool. This builds a stronger, more loving relationship. This is how healthy relationships work.
Works for me anyway....and besides, I cannot figure out why anyone would withold the awesomeness that making love should be. Or, why some people (including my ex) don't realize when the sex isn't so hot and attempt to make it the awesomeness that it SHOULD be!
I have seldom said no.. maybe when I was sick. Just cannot remember any time that I did. Mostly I'm always up for a good roll in the hay.. I love sex... so why would I turn it down? I used to initiate a lot too.
Unfortunately my husband as put an end to our sex life. I have no idea why. He prefers to play games on the computer now. I don't get it.
How often do you turn your husband down for sex when he wants it?
Me, never. Then again, my husband isn't a demanding jerk who "sums" up my worth by wanting me open 24/7. He also doesn't play lame wannabe Jedi mind tricks to control me. Amazing how life works when both are considered equals, nobody manipulates each other and values one another for more than what is between their legs. How does that work out? Well sex this morning in bed and twice yesterday.....in a hot tub and a car.
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Re: marriage = open legs 
