Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
This goes to my posts in "Sex & what is normal", where no one was willing tro give a # and most decided to brag about how much sex they had, or lament the lack of it....
If a husband asks for sex 1X/wk, yep I think the spouse should be okay with it. If it is only 1X/mth (which falls within the definition of sexless), by all means spread your legs, and then question him as to why you have a "sexless marriage. However if he is asking 3+X's/wk and you are not getting the same enjoyment and or orgasms, I am amazed women (or men) are okay with that.
Amazed that I am the loony one here.......
You are focusing on quanity not quality. The question is whether what the LD spouse is doing is sufficient to satisfy the HD spouse. Why does the LD spouse have to get the same enjoyment and/or orgasms. I do lots of things for my spouse that are not by themselves enjoyable. That my spouse does not have to do them is where the pleasure is. I am not bitter or resentful or looking for something in exchange, I just genuinely enjoying freeing up my spouse from doing something she'd prefer not to do. (As far as sex goes, I assume intercourse when one party is not into it is worse than not fun; why not be into something sexual that is not intercourse - enjoy giving your partner pleasure as your partner should enjoy pleasing you - sexually and non-sexually.) I do not mean a barter type relationship, I mean loving making someone else feel good. Rubbbing someone's back is not pleasurable for the rubber, and even a job when done by unrelated people (masseuse), but when you love someone, you should derive pleasure from making them happy.
If you leave your spouse sexually (and, often, therefore, emotionally) unhappy, you are not only not loving them by ignoring their happiness, but also putting strain on your marriage. And, 3x a week as your unreasonably demanding standard is awefully low (albeit more than I get, but that is why I am writing these replies ).
I completely agree with the OP...
When me and my wife took it to that next level, we did everything, she even did things that girls were not suppose to do...
And after bout twenty years, we still here... And that's not without having our problems...
She's a true lady in the streets, but a freak between the sheets...
Yes what a wonderful concept that all men and women have the same sex drive and are in simpatico. Sorry that it sounds unseemly that a women has to be sexually available whenever her husband wants "Ôt". I am flabbergasted at the universal acceptance of the OP.
I'm not really sure why you seem upset/angry about this thread. No one is suggesting that someone should just put out because their spouses demands it.
Even though I'm not a feminist, the whole telling your daughters legs open thing offended me too. I think there is a much less offensive way to teach our daughters about sex in marriage. Posted via Mobile Device
I am offended by the use of "open leg" language. It's a pretty crass way to talk about making love with one's husband.
But I had not said anything because I agree that neither spouse should be a prude and us that to withhold sex.
One of the super positive things of islam is that it pretty gives you the make your marriage cheat proof instructions that are listed on one of the other threads and at the same time it makes it practically forbidden for a wife to refuse her husband, ( a husband can't force the wife though....). Also no anal sex and you pretty much have to have a shower the next morning which my wife complains about and uses as an excuse not to want to have sex... (long hair etc...). No sex is considered grounds for divorce for both genders. I think i will get that advice to my daughter though. I think that having good sex often would probably resolve 50% of all marriage issues and at the same time good sex is a confirmation that everything is goig well Posted via Mobile Device
That's nonsense. There is nothing that affair proofs a marriage based on Islam. It tells a woman that she cannot refuse her husband when he wants sex. That it's her obligation. It gives no recognition that the woman has needs as well. If it affair proof the marriage Muslim men would not cheat on their wives... they do.
Men who want to cheat will do so even if they have a willing woman at home. The same goes for women.
as long as men cant govern their own desire and lust no religion stands a hope of stopping anything, people born into islam are in bondage, slaves to a man made religion, especially the women, but they do have more dignity than most western woman who think that having sex with lots of guys is free choice and equality, i think the muslim women are disgusted by it.
[QUOTE=SimplyAmorous;569549]Claude Veritas-- Believe me, I know all about how I was messed up in the past, and yes .......it was ridgid & rediculous .... our oldest son is a Worship Leader/ Youth Leader .....he has what you are talking about in full swing, he finds great Joy in life and living as a Chrisitian....unlike my earlier experience..... I tell him if he turns into a Fundamentalist, I am going to kick him out of our house (which he laughs at), as he has his own issues with those types.
----I hate Religiosity...and Religion...and there is NO RELIGION founded by Jesus nor His Apostles...and Christ is not The Christ of Christianity..but The Christ of God...so whether some one is a Christian, a Worship Leader by Religion or Not...It does not matter at all to Him ..what matters is The Knowledge and Faith in Christ...thats not LUKEWARM nor having doubts and dilemma...and resentment owing to Wrong Treatments by religious others and religious self...that they leave Christ Himself , for the wrong doings and their own misinterpretation and "freedom" ...
We are not in agreement Doctrinally ..... but we still love & respect each other.... he often tells me --what I had was "religion", I really can't argue with him but yet, I still enjoy my "deist" take on Life and God, no cares to go back to Christianity any time soon, I simply have too many issues with it .... any "us against them" all inclusive mentality -will never work for me -it wars against my mind....but I will always LOVE and appreciate many Proverbs, also Eccesiates and it is very common for me to use scriptures on this forum even from time to time if I feel they are full of wisdom, which many many are...but I see wisdom in many places.... not just 1 Holy Book.
---Wisdom is justified by its Children...nevertheless , there is a Comprehensive Deal of Life in The Scriptures,unlike many other Contradictory Scriptures and Texts of The East and West...
Jesus is Wisdom Incarnate according to Spinoza ...
and also Its not mentioned in The Scriptures ,how to become an IT Techie, nor a Mechanical Engineer or an Advocate etc etc IS IT ??? ...its learned from The World...which is again ordained by The Infinite -Intelligence....who is not Christian, Hindu,Islam etc etc ...
@ the Quote on Interpretation Styles..
I dont appreciate the Shallow, Pride filled ones of Biblical Interpretation and Concordance.and making such Terminologies..They are the ones making Troubles for people , and hindrance to believe it in its True Comprehensive Essence...that they run after The Eastern Oshoic Mysticisms and fall prey to all Contaminations...still calling it divinity ,love and spirituality....this is ever increasing and coming to Its Culmination in The Fatal Big Crunch...as already in Prophecy
It seems what is most offsetting by this thread .....to some who are flabbergasted, or the notion absurd ....is the terminology of "open Legs".... I have to be honest.....It didn't seem to bother me one bit, it is like I didn't even "see it" --but still felt the "meaning" of her words none the less. Maybe it is because I am not always such a puritan talker in regards to sex.... I can get down right vulgar at times - and still see the beauty somehow. .. I don't know!
But I am still very much a Lady outside of the bedroom .
I guess we all "see" what we want to see when we read something.
The OP is obviously happily married, it was one thing they had & shared & both agreed upon ...willingly & givingly in spirit...... to keep their marriage bond, even during the harder times. How is this not beautiful?
For some, even a little refusing hurts deeply...... my husband is that type of man, he was very very sensitive to my rejection...damn near overly so. Do I feel he was being rediculous for that....absolutely not. I was the one in the wrong. I was the selfish spouse taking his love for granted.
We talked about this a little before he went to bed and I was thrilled with what he said.....he is the type who feels a spouse should never refuse (unless obviously sick or dying for sleep), that is what being married is all about........ it means the absolute WORLD to him that I am there in spirit, willing, and wanting to share in his pleasure, it is an attitude of enthusiam & love. Some may find that pressuring somehow -but for ME, I want a spouse who feels exactly what he spoke.... I would be upset if he didn't feel that way!!
There is something proufoundly beautiful about..."when your spouse reaches for you-being lovingly receptive to that." Grudgingy is terribly demeaning and hurtful to the spirit of the one in need. That is just how I see life and have learned from my own mistakes.
He has already demonstrated to me how much he lives & breaths his own "beliefs" - as when I caused him some performance pressure in the past, I got myself some toys & he still didn't want me to use them, he told me he only wanted me to use HIM, he wanted to be my sole pleasure. That meant the world to me, as I didn't care for those toys anyway, it was hollow for me.
But there is a responsibility in all this... our spouses need to treat us right, loving us with thier whole hearts every day inside and out, we need to keep up our end of the loving & cherishing if we want treatment like this. Not talking about some beastly man beating his chest saying "I need it , I need it- perform woman & open your legs".
What crap is wrong in saying open legs..after all..?
Whether to have Sex or to have Baby or Piss, Women need to open their Legs...and opening the legs for The Right Purpose is what is mattering,if anything at all matters regard to opening and openings...
In The Act of Coitus...Women need to be a Gymnast in Its Need of Variety and Versatility and it all happens with Sounds and Music of Eros..and The Exquisite Legs need to be Open for The Comprehensive Exquisite ,Mutual Magnificent Game...
Shooting from the hip or calling a spade a spade for some people is difficult to hear (or read). Legs open, ok that may be a bit hard but it's calling a spade a spade. That's all. Blunt and straight to the point.
That is insane about your son ! WOW ...Does he have a hearts desire to be a Youth Pastor too.... Ours does ! He does the Camp Counselor thing too in the summers. Well, my husband has never cared for religion - no Theology interest there. I was the "hermeneutics" explorer, the one who drug him to church 3 times a week in our early yrs -he could have cared less. What was really funny is... I was supposably the Christian and he had WAY more Fruits of the Spirit than me.
Not sure about that part. He got involved when he was about 13 playing drums at church but his real love was guitar (like his dad). Over the years he moved to lead guitar and eventually became the worship leader. he's 28 now and a successful businessman.
I went to seminary starting in 95 but will always have a rebel streak in me. After a while became convinced that a lot of preachers preach a certain doctrine that is their own interpretation and i believe is geared towards controlling others.
they would take a scripture and twisted somewhat in order to put a spin on it to support their own desires as it pertains to others but at the same time I noticed it was different when it came to themselves. they could find ways to justify their actions while condemning the same type actions of others.
I believe god is far to big to fit in the little box they try to put him in.