tjohnson

My wife and i have decided we are done. We both don't like any of the "permanant" options and the pill my wife had been taking (and we have tried a few) seem to kill her libito.

I am not a great fan of Rubbers. The main reason is that I find it really reduces the stimulation I receive and makes sex too much of a "marathon" for my wife.

Jellybeans

There's a patch available. Also, diaphragms.

PBear

Has she looked into an IUD? What don't you like about the permanent choices?

C
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Cherry

Honestly if you both are done, then I'm with PBear on this... What don't you like about the permanent choices? If your wife had a bad reaction with the pill (libido killer), then chances are she will be that way with most, if not all, BC that has any hormones in them.

Mavash.

My friends all have IUD's and really like them but personally I'm glad my husband is snipped. Best thing we ever did. 5 minute procedure + 3 days of soreness = no more birth control. Ever. Fabulous!

I can't do hormones either so our options were limited.

tjohnson

IUD's causes problems so that is not an option.

I guess I am still not convinced that being irreversibly sterilized may not at some point down the road be found out to be problematic. I also hear that there is no "down side" I guess i am a little sceptical.

There have been other "totally safe and benign" things that years later that turn out to be neither.

Guess my options are limited.

shy_guy

I understand the hesitation for a permanent option, and for me, there was a bit of grief at giving up something so precious as fertility permanently ... it was rather hard to explain. Good support from your wife helps with that, though.

I'm with Mavash, though. The procedure was very easy, and it was easy to recover from it. It was the best option by far. For me, my big concern was asking my wife to take something that affected her hormones for an extended period of her life. In the end, I decided giving up my fertility was preferable to asking her to do that.



Funny story: I was in a military hospital when I had it done. The doctors and nurses alike were pretty rough and worldly characters. When I was waiting my turn to go in to the room where they would perform the procedure (which was an OR in this foreign military base - no concept of Dr. Office procedures like in the civilian world), the nurse came out and asked me if I was ready. I said I was as ready as I'd ever be and the nurse replied "Well give us just a minute then. We'll bring you in as soon as we get through cleaning the meat out of the chainsaw from the last guy."


Seriously, though, it was an easy procedure.

anotherguy

I've told my wife Im getting it done, I feel like its my turn to carry the burden a little bit since she has been on the pill for freaking 25 years. She didnt ask for it - I offered.

I'm having a hard time making the phone call to set it up though. Gads.. Im such a friggin' baby, I cant stand it.

Mavash.

Find a doctor like the one my husband had. This doctor gave my husband a very large valium to take before he came in. Yeah that worked. LOL My husband said he didn't care at that point what was done to him.....he was wasted.

Oh and yes we were both sad as we mourned the loss of losing our fertility for about 2 weeks. It's normal and it passed.

square1

IUD (I had mirena)
Patch
Nuvaring
There's this thing that gets injected into your arm, kinda reminds me of a tracking chip but can't remember the name
Depo
Pill
Diaphragms
Sponge
Cervical cap
Condoms
A lil snip snip
Lottery (aka pull out method)


As said since the pill has lowered her libido chances are anything hormonal will do the same.

anotherguy

Thanks I might suggest that.

Im robust guy, but I may actually have something like a phobia in this respect. I break out in a cold sweat and nearly pass out if I try to give blood. Its really wierd - its not like it hurts or anything. And embarassing.

Hope1964

I had my tubes clamped when I was 29, after 3 kids, and I have never regretted it for one second. Even through my divorce and remarriage. I knew that *I* was done with kids, and that I was also most likely done with my (now ex) husband, so that was that. My current hubby has never felt the need to pass his genes on - good thing too, because if he had we wouldn't be together. I had the surgery (day surgery, recovered in about 3 days) and have not had to worry about birth control since - almost 20 years!

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shy_guy

I thought I should go back and explain the "grief" from the guy's side just a little more for anybody who considers this. It's probably just as important for wives to hear as it is for men who consider it. 2 weeks may be about right for the length of time - I don't remember exactly. I remember getting over it in terms of a milestone instead of in terms of time.

Even though I NEVER had a "Plan B" when I got married, when I had the vasectomy, I suddenly felt very, very vulnerable. Not only had I given up something very precious (my fertility), but now, if my wife actually decided to leave me and take our children, then not only would I be alone but I would never be able to recover. This meant that if she left me, even if I wanted to pick up and move on, I would be unable to ever have children, and I could not even offer a woman who might want me the chance for having children - so a big part of a woman even wanting a man was gone from me. I really felt like I wasn't a complete man.

I explained this to my wife and her initial reaction was one of shock and saying "That's silly," but I think she almost immediately recognized that I was telling her the truth whether it made sense or not, and she made it a point to begin reassuring me that she wasn't going anywhere, and that our deal was the same that it always was: Life together with no plan B. Almost immediately when she started reassuring me that she still wanted to spend her life with me, the grieving for my fertility, and the feelings of vulnerability began subsiding. It was one time when I needed the reassurances, and she was great.

And best decision we could have made at the time.

Mavash.

Should mention he was 40 when he had it done so 2 weeks was plenty of time. I mean I'm sure he really didn't want any more kids regardless of what happened with me. LOL

Freak On a Leash

At 37 I had two kids and did NOT want anymore. I knew of several couples where the husband got a vasectomy and figured they were "good to go" and sure enough the wife got pregnant. My husband also wasn't keen on getting "snipped".

I was sick of being on the pill so I got my tubes tied. BEST thing I ever did! The migraines I was suffering went away, I lost weight, got a sex drive again and it's pretty much fool proof. A week after I had the tubes tied I was back at the gym and feeling just fine.

I have a friend who is 50 years old and STILL on on the Pill. I KNOW she doesn't want any kids so WHY is she still on the Pill? I hear all the time about people who do NOT want children but don't take the ultimate, "foolproof" method of birth control and I don't get why they are still messing around with pills, IUDs, condoms, etc, etc, even into their late 40s.

I guess I don't get emotionally wrapped up in this. I had my kids, that part of my life is done so it was time to move on. I don't get sentimental over all this "losing my fertility" stuff. To me, it's just part of life's journey.

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